Mission: Earth "Voyage of Vengeance" by Ron L. Hubbard Page B
Authors: Ron L. Hubbard
Tags: sf_humor
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his head. He was looking around dazedly, trying to find something.
The Countess untied him. She gave him pen and paper and sat him at a small table in the van and he began to write.
She put the helmet in her shopping bag. She went outside.
I was wringing wet with sweat. What could I do to keep my world from totally caving in?
Bang-Bang was sitting on an old box, the cat beside him.
"Bang-Bang," said the Countess Krak, "what does 'F. F. B. O.' stand for?"
"I dunno," said Bang-Bang. "Some deodorant maybe?"
"Is there any Mafia mob with those initials?" said the Countess.
"Nope," said Bang-Bang. "But when they ship things, they go 'F.O.B.' It means 'Freight On Board.'"
"That's not it. What did you do with his wallet?"
"Right here," said Bang-Bang. "Nothing in it. Just a few bucks and student cards."
The Countess went through it. She shook her head. "Well," she said, "we'll get busy and find out. It must stand for something"
"There's Peegrams V. O. Scotch," said Bang-Bang. "And the cat and I could use some."
"Not yet," said the Countess Krak. She sat down on another box and took a pad out of her purse. "Poor Jettero must be going mad out there, wondering. I'm writing a radio message calling the yacht in. We've got the double and tomorrow he'll appear in court. The yacht won't be in until after that occurs, so it's perfectly safe. So you send this radio to Captain Bitts and tell him to dock in New York. What was the pier he said? Oh, yes. Pier 68, West 30th Street. By the time he gets there it will be tomorrow evening and the phony Whiz Kid will be on his way to jail."
She wrote it. She handed it over. Bang-Bang walked away.
I could not believe my luck!
She didn't recall Judge Hammer Twist would not be in court tomorrow! He'd be at the Aqueduct race track! Or she thought foolishly he would return for an important case the way they would on Voltar. But no Earth judge would ever put his duty before his pleasure.
Oh, thank Gods for this sloppy, slow court system! Heller would not only be picked up but would be safely in Bellevue and maybe even dead before she ever got her confession before the judge!
The seizure of Heller would drive her out of her mind! And if they killed him, she'd be so grief-stricken, she'd be no menace to anybody!
I might not know where she was. But I was saved after all!
I reached for the phone to call Grafferty.
That yacht would be MET!
Chapter 2
The next morning my eyes hurt and I only gave Heller's viewer a quick glance. He was staring at the ceiling, apparently still in his bunk, and I thought, go ahead and daydream, Heller, it will turn into a nightmare before sunset today.
I had something else to do before we met the yacht. It is always best to play things safe.
If the Countess got to Madison before I got to Heller, J. Warbler would undoubtedly identify me and I would be dead.
My bandages had been changed: Adora had been certain that I would scare the lesbians last night if I had a boot-blacked face. I dressed in some khaki outing clothes, hoping somebody would think I was a veteran from the wars or maybe some street shoot-out.
I grabbed a cab.
At Madison's 42 Mess Street offices, all was at the usual high hubbub.
It was not a good time to try to persuade Madison to go into hiding. He was in utter euphoria. They had a huge blowup on the wall. It said:
SEX-STARVED BEAUTY
KIDNAPS WHIZ KID
TRAINS CAT TO
EFFECT SNATCH
In front of 50,000,000 American housewives, the notorious sex outlaw Wister...
"Mad," I said, trying to get his attention, "I've got to talk to you about something important."
"Don't bother me, Smith. I'm handling the hottest story since Julius Caesar raped Cleopatra in a rug. Empires could fall on this."
"I'm sure they could," I said.
"What if it turned out to be the president's wife!" he said ecstatically. "Hey, Hacky! I just got an idea!" And he went rushing off to stir things up in his already earthquaking staff room.
I could only hang around. They wrote
The Countess untied him. She gave him pen and paper and sat him at a small table in the van and he began to write.
She put the helmet in her shopping bag. She went outside.
I was wringing wet with sweat. What could I do to keep my world from totally caving in?
Bang-Bang was sitting on an old box, the cat beside him.
"Bang-Bang," said the Countess Krak, "what does 'F. F. B. O.' stand for?"
"I dunno," said Bang-Bang. "Some deodorant maybe?"
"Is there any Mafia mob with those initials?" said the Countess.
"Nope," said Bang-Bang. "But when they ship things, they go 'F.O.B.' It means 'Freight On Board.'"
"That's not it. What did you do with his wallet?"
"Right here," said Bang-Bang. "Nothing in it. Just a few bucks and student cards."
The Countess went through it. She shook her head. "Well," she said, "we'll get busy and find out. It must stand for something"
"There's Peegrams V. O. Scotch," said Bang-Bang. "And the cat and I could use some."
"Not yet," said the Countess Krak. She sat down on another box and took a pad out of her purse. "Poor Jettero must be going mad out there, wondering. I'm writing a radio message calling the yacht in. We've got the double and tomorrow he'll appear in court. The yacht won't be in until after that occurs, so it's perfectly safe. So you send this radio to Captain Bitts and tell him to dock in New York. What was the pier he said? Oh, yes. Pier 68, West 30th Street. By the time he gets there it will be tomorrow evening and the phony Whiz Kid will be on his way to jail."
She wrote it. She handed it over. Bang-Bang walked away.
I could not believe my luck!
She didn't recall Judge Hammer Twist would not be in court tomorrow! He'd be at the Aqueduct race track! Or she thought foolishly he would return for an important case the way they would on Voltar. But no Earth judge would ever put his duty before his pleasure.
Oh, thank Gods for this sloppy, slow court system! Heller would not only be picked up but would be safely in Bellevue and maybe even dead before she ever got her confession before the judge!
The seizure of Heller would drive her out of her mind! And if they killed him, she'd be so grief-stricken, she'd be no menace to anybody!
I might not know where she was. But I was saved after all!
I reached for the phone to call Grafferty.
That yacht would be MET!
Chapter 2
The next morning my eyes hurt and I only gave Heller's viewer a quick glance. He was staring at the ceiling, apparently still in his bunk, and I thought, go ahead and daydream, Heller, it will turn into a nightmare before sunset today.
I had something else to do before we met the yacht. It is always best to play things safe.
If the Countess got to Madison before I got to Heller, J. Warbler would undoubtedly identify me and I would be dead.
My bandages had been changed: Adora had been certain that I would scare the lesbians last night if I had a boot-blacked face. I dressed in some khaki outing clothes, hoping somebody would think I was a veteran from the wars or maybe some street shoot-out.
I grabbed a cab.
At Madison's 42 Mess Street offices, all was at the usual high hubbub.
It was not a good time to try to persuade Madison to go into hiding. He was in utter euphoria. They had a huge blowup on the wall. It said:
SEX-STARVED BEAUTY
KIDNAPS WHIZ KID
TRAINS CAT TO
EFFECT SNATCH
In front of 50,000,000 American housewives, the notorious sex outlaw Wister...
"Mad," I said, trying to get his attention, "I've got to talk to you about something important."
"Don't bother me, Smith. I'm handling the hottest story since Julius Caesar raped Cleopatra in a rug. Empires could fall on this."
"I'm sure they could," I said.
"What if it turned out to be the president's wife!" he said ecstatically. "Hey, Hacky! I just got an idea!" And he went rushing off to stir things up in his already earthquaking staff room.
I could only hang around. They wrote