anything big, but some of his old friends came. I sent you an invitation. Did you get it? I sent it to your parents’ address. The house you were living in when James . . . you know . . .’
‘No,’ said Caitlin. ‘I didn’t. It was a very chaotic time. I’m sorry. That was very nice of you.’
‘Well, it turned out very beautiful. My pastor let us play a lot of James’s favorite music. A couple of people said stuff. I made a DVD. I’ll send it to you.’
‘That’s really . . . I’m really glad to hear that,’ said Caitlin. ‘He would have liked that.’
‘I know he wasn’t a church person. Well, neither was I when I knew him. But I got involved with this church group while I was in rehab and it really changed my life. It’s really opened my eyes and I found my way.’
‘That’s wonderful, Karla,’ said Caitlin, getting out of the chair. ‘And it was nice of you to come here. I wish I could ask you stay to dinner or something but we are in such a terrible state because of . . . our son being missing.’
Karla nodded sympathetically. ‘I know. How terrible for you. What happened to him? The little boy?’
Caitlin shook her head. ‘I really . . . I can’t get into it. It’s been all over the news. He was . . . abducted from his school.’
‘Well, I know that. I saw that when I saw you on the Net. I just meant, do you know why?’
‘Why someone would take a little six-year-old boy? No, I have no idea.’
‘I know it’s sometimes hard to discern God’s purpose,’ Karla said solemnly.
Caitlin sighed. ‘Yes. Indeed it is.’
‘Like with James,’ she said.
Caitlin stared at her. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘Well, suicide. I mean, that is the lowest depths.’
‘Actually, he died of a drug overdose,’ said Caitlin.
Karla shrugged. ‘Well, that was just the way he picked to go.’
‘I suppose that’s true,’ Caitlin said quietly.
‘I wish I coulda been there for him during those dark days,’ Karla continued. ‘I mean, he and I . . . Our souls were very bonded together. I often think I could have saved him. But while I was in the facility there were strict rules about the phone and texting and I wasn’t allowed access. He needed somebody he could talk to day and night. Plus, I was very involved in my own recovery and all. I didn’t realize how that guilt was getting to him . . .’
Caitlin froze. ‘Guilt?’
‘And don’t you blame yourself,’ said Karla. ‘I was telling your husband. I’m sure you did all you could, but James just couldn’t live with it.’
The thought that Karla had told what she knew to Noah was enough to make Caitlin feel dizzy with anxiety. She grabbed the back of a chair to steady herself.
‘You do know about it, don’t you?’ Karla looked up at her innocently.
‘Know what?’
‘About the accident.’
Caitlin answered with an edge of impatience in her voice. ‘Yes. I know about it. I just don’t want to talk about it, Karla. Right now, it’s all I can do with Geordie missing . . .’
‘James couldn’t live with himself. He found out that woman had a child and everything. He kept seeing her every time he closed his eyes, running out in front of his truck like that. He literally couldn’t live with it.’
Caitlin felt a sudden flash of anger, remembering James. He had begged her to understand and forgive him. He also begged her not to go to the police. He had been terrified of the consequences. ‘Listen Karla, before you start polishing that halo for James, he wasn’t all that concerned about the person he killed. He just didn’t want to go to jail,’ said Caitlin sharply. ‘His permit was suspended. He was high . . .’
‘I don’t think he was,’ said Karla.
‘Oh for heaven’s sake,’ said Caitlin in exasperation. ‘I was there. I dealt with him every day. Believe me. I know what he was doing at that time.’
‘He bared his heart and soul to me, Caitlin,’ Karla insisted.
‘Karla, I really
‘No,’ said Caitlin. ‘I didn’t. It was a very chaotic time. I’m sorry. That was very nice of you.’
‘Well, it turned out very beautiful. My pastor let us play a lot of James’s favorite music. A couple of people said stuff. I made a DVD. I’ll send it to you.’
‘That’s really . . . I’m really glad to hear that,’ said Caitlin. ‘He would have liked that.’
‘I know he wasn’t a church person. Well, neither was I when I knew him. But I got involved with this church group while I was in rehab and it really changed my life. It’s really opened my eyes and I found my way.’
‘That’s wonderful, Karla,’ said Caitlin, getting out of the chair. ‘And it was nice of you to come here. I wish I could ask you stay to dinner or something but we are in such a terrible state because of . . . our son being missing.’
Karla nodded sympathetically. ‘I know. How terrible for you. What happened to him? The little boy?’
Caitlin shook her head. ‘I really . . . I can’t get into it. It’s been all over the news. He was . . . abducted from his school.’
‘Well, I know that. I saw that when I saw you on the Net. I just meant, do you know why?’
‘Why someone would take a little six-year-old boy? No, I have no idea.’
‘I know it’s sometimes hard to discern God’s purpose,’ Karla said solemnly.
Caitlin sighed. ‘Yes. Indeed it is.’
‘Like with James,’ she said.
Caitlin stared at her. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘Well, suicide. I mean, that is the lowest depths.’
‘Actually, he died of a drug overdose,’ said Caitlin.
Karla shrugged. ‘Well, that was just the way he picked to go.’
‘I suppose that’s true,’ Caitlin said quietly.
‘I wish I coulda been there for him during those dark days,’ Karla continued. ‘I mean, he and I . . . Our souls were very bonded together. I often think I could have saved him. But while I was in the facility there were strict rules about the phone and texting and I wasn’t allowed access. He needed somebody he could talk to day and night. Plus, I was very involved in my own recovery and all. I didn’t realize how that guilt was getting to him . . .’
Caitlin froze. ‘Guilt?’
‘And don’t you blame yourself,’ said Karla. ‘I was telling your husband. I’m sure you did all you could, but James just couldn’t live with it.’
The thought that Karla had told what she knew to Noah was enough to make Caitlin feel dizzy with anxiety. She grabbed the back of a chair to steady herself.
‘You do know about it, don’t you?’ Karla looked up at her innocently.
‘Know what?’
‘About the accident.’
Caitlin answered with an edge of impatience in her voice. ‘Yes. I know about it. I just don’t want to talk about it, Karla. Right now, it’s all I can do with Geordie missing . . .’
‘James couldn’t live with himself. He found out that woman had a child and everything. He kept seeing her every time he closed his eyes, running out in front of his truck like that. He literally couldn’t live with it.’
Caitlin felt a sudden flash of anger, remembering James. He had begged her to understand and forgive him. He also begged her not to go to the police. He had been terrified of the consequences. ‘Listen Karla, before you start polishing that halo for James, he wasn’t all that concerned about the person he killed. He just didn’t want to go to jail,’ said Caitlin sharply. ‘His permit was suspended. He was high . . .’
‘I don’t think he was,’ said Karla.
‘Oh for heaven’s sake,’ said Caitlin in exasperation. ‘I was there. I dealt with him every day. Believe me. I know what he was doing at that time.’
‘He bared his heart and soul to me, Caitlin,’ Karla insisted.
‘Karla, I really
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