message is that if you write poetry and thinkfor yourself, you end up either dead or so beaten down you won’t dare have an original thought again.”
Greg laughed. “You’re right. But most of us don’t have parents as bad as that guy’s.”
“Speak for yourself,” I muttered.
“I think the real theme was carpe diem, ” Greg said.
It was late, and the mall was nearly empty. I could hear, even feel our footsteps on the white marble floor. We were completely in step, just like when we were kids. I wanted to grab Greg’s hand.
Carpe diem. Seize the day.
I didn’t grab it. I was too scared he wouldn’t take it. Still, our arms brushed as we walked.
“Do you believe that?” I asked. “Seize the day? Do what you want because each day might be your last.”
“I do. Don’t you?” He stopped walking to look at me. I could see us, reflected in the mall doors, him, tall and dark, me smaller, my hair flowing down my back. We belonged together.
I shook my head. “Guess I’m more cautious.” Still I wondered how it would be to seize the day, do what I wanted. If I grabbed Greg now and kissed him, would he kiss me back? I looked up at him. His eyes met mine. It would be so easy to do that.
“You’re so different than you used to be,” he said. “It kind of shows how things can change. One day, you were this ugly duckling. Sorry. But look at you now—a swan.”
“Thanks.” He would kiss me back. He would.
“Or what happened to Jennifer.”
“What do you mean?” I wanted to go back to talking about me, about how I was a swan.
“That dog could have killed her. And then, she’d have been gone, and she’d never have known how I felt about her. That accident inspired me. You saved her for me.”
Saved her? For you? You’ve got to be kidding!
“Can I show you something? I’ve been carrying it around because I’m afraid I’ll lose it.”
And then before I could say no, no, I don’t want to see anything that has to do with Jennifer, he pulled something from his pocket, a red velvet box, and held it near my face.
I backed away. “What is it?”
“It’s a promise ring.” He opened it. There was a silver ring with a heart and the tiniest diamond chip known to mankind in it.
“Promise? Promise what?” I felt like my legs might buckle under me, like I’d be on the floor.
“That we’ll get married someday.”
“Married? You and Jennifer?” I felt the bile coming up in my throat. I couldn’t speak anymore.
Greg was nodding, grinning like an evil doll in a horror movie. “I’m giving it to her when she comes back to school. Unless you think I should seize the day and give it to her sooner.”
“I . . . I . . .” I tried to speak but could only choke. I caught sight of myself again in the mall doors. I was so beautiful, so beautiful, so . . . so what? What good was it? It was everything I’d dreamed of, and it wasn’t enough.
Suddenly the glass door shattered, blowing out like a bomb had hit it.
“Whoa!” Greg jumped back. “What happened? It didn’t hit you, did it?”
But it wasn’t like he threw his body over it to save me.
“N-no.” I saw myself in another door. Then that shattered too. My magic was ungoverned, out of control, getting away from me, and I knew I had to stop before Greg realized it was me, then realized I’d hurt Jennifer. I veered toward the one open door, looking down, half closing my eyes so as not to see myself, and I ran. Beside me, Gregwas shouting, “Whoa! Whoa, watch out! What is that?” He put his arm around me, shielding me, and I wished I could pretend he was doing it out of love. But I knew much better. We ran through the parking lot. I dared look up, only to see myself in a car’s windshield. It, too, shattered, but I hoped Greg didn’t notice. I had to get out, get home, get away.
Finally, closing my eyes entirely, I got to my car. I told Greg I thought there was glass in my eye, so he drove us home, me seeing nothing.
Greg laughed. “You’re right. But most of us don’t have parents as bad as that guy’s.”
“Speak for yourself,” I muttered.
“I think the real theme was carpe diem, ” Greg said.
It was late, and the mall was nearly empty. I could hear, even feel our footsteps on the white marble floor. We were completely in step, just like when we were kids. I wanted to grab Greg’s hand.
Carpe diem. Seize the day.
I didn’t grab it. I was too scared he wouldn’t take it. Still, our arms brushed as we walked.
“Do you believe that?” I asked. “Seize the day? Do what you want because each day might be your last.”
“I do. Don’t you?” He stopped walking to look at me. I could see us, reflected in the mall doors, him, tall and dark, me smaller, my hair flowing down my back. We belonged together.
I shook my head. “Guess I’m more cautious.” Still I wondered how it would be to seize the day, do what I wanted. If I grabbed Greg now and kissed him, would he kiss me back? I looked up at him. His eyes met mine. It would be so easy to do that.
“You’re so different than you used to be,” he said. “It kind of shows how things can change. One day, you were this ugly duckling. Sorry. But look at you now—a swan.”
“Thanks.” He would kiss me back. He would.
“Or what happened to Jennifer.”
“What do you mean?” I wanted to go back to talking about me, about how I was a swan.
“That dog could have killed her. And then, she’d have been gone, and she’d never have known how I felt about her. That accident inspired me. You saved her for me.”
Saved her? For you? You’ve got to be kidding!
“Can I show you something? I’ve been carrying it around because I’m afraid I’ll lose it.”
And then before I could say no, no, I don’t want to see anything that has to do with Jennifer, he pulled something from his pocket, a red velvet box, and held it near my face.
I backed away. “What is it?”
“It’s a promise ring.” He opened it. There was a silver ring with a heart and the tiniest diamond chip known to mankind in it.
“Promise? Promise what?” I felt like my legs might buckle under me, like I’d be on the floor.
“That we’ll get married someday.”
“Married? You and Jennifer?” I felt the bile coming up in my throat. I couldn’t speak anymore.
Greg was nodding, grinning like an evil doll in a horror movie. “I’m giving it to her when she comes back to school. Unless you think I should seize the day and give it to her sooner.”
“I . . . I . . .” I tried to speak but could only choke. I caught sight of myself again in the mall doors. I was so beautiful, so beautiful, so . . . so what? What good was it? It was everything I’d dreamed of, and it wasn’t enough.
Suddenly the glass door shattered, blowing out like a bomb had hit it.
“Whoa!” Greg jumped back. “What happened? It didn’t hit you, did it?”
But it wasn’t like he threw his body over it to save me.
“N-no.” I saw myself in another door. Then that shattered too. My magic was ungoverned, out of control, getting away from me, and I knew I had to stop before Greg realized it was me, then realized I’d hurt Jennifer. I veered toward the one open door, looking down, half closing my eyes so as not to see myself, and I ran. Beside me, Gregwas shouting, “Whoa! Whoa, watch out! What is that?” He put his arm around me, shielding me, and I wished I could pretend he was doing it out of love. But I knew much better. We ran through the parking lot. I dared look up, only to see myself in a car’s windshield. It, too, shattered, but I hoped Greg didn’t notice. I had to get out, get home, get away.
Finally, closing my eyes entirely, I got to my car. I told Greg I thought there was glass in my eye, so he drove us home, me seeing nothing.
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