seeped from her fingers up to her heart, dislocating the warmth that had begun to nestle so comfortably there. The icy hand of fear gripped her heart. It wasn’t just the dread of the past repeating itself. Worse yet, what if he was all that he seemed to be, but he despised her when he learned of her past?
Matthew 19: 6 says “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” You thought you’d be quick to rid yourself of me, but like I told you, I’ll always be with you. ”
Though David had said that to her a week before his death, it was as if he was in the room, speaking it to her now. No , she cried to herself, I’m free, I left you, and you're dead.
But the truth was like a cold hand gripping her heart, squeezing out all the joy that had resided there a moment ago. She wasn’t free. She was shackled to her fear and she was shackled to her past. She couldn’t go on forever without telling Nathan about David. And when he found out, he was sure to leave her in disgust. She remembered David’s reaction when she told him about her past…
Please God, I need him to be different. I need him to accept me, to love me, despite who I am. Please, God, don’t deny me this.
*****
As the next few weeks passed by, the couple could be seen around town together often. Sunday afternoon after church, she attended the McKinley barbecue. He could tell she was nervous as they drove to his parents’ house. However, that nervousness evaporated in the warmth of love from the McKinley family. She was drawn in by Nathan’s mom, who Kristina knew well from her book club. Nathan watched with pride as Kristina intertwined her way so easily into his family. Between Sandra’s care and love in taking Kristina under her wing, and Kristina's own natural charm and wit, Kristina managed to ensconce herself nicely within his family. By the end of the first hour, you couldn’t even tell that she hadn’t been there for years.
She even managed to befriend Leanne. Mike and Leanne’s oldest child, Karen, was going through some tough times. The four year old would often start throwing a tantrum for no discernible reason. Leanne had gotten to the point these days where she felt it was easier to stay home than to deal with the questioning looks when her daughter would start screaming. Mike refused to acknowledge that there was even a problem. Nathan knew Leanne was stretched to her limits, touchy, and often unapproachable
Karen had lined up her books neatly on the quilt, and Kristina bent to admire them. “I love books too. Which one is your favorite?”
Karen began showing Kristina each book, vividly describing each one. However, when Karen’s brother, Rick, saw Kristina, he snatched up one of the books and scampered over, stumbling and stepping on the other books in the process. Kristina smiled at the two year old and opened the book to read, but paused when she saw Karen pop her thumb in her mouth and rock back-and-forth, rubbing her ear repeatedly. Nathan knew these were signs that she was growing agitated and approached them.
“Rick, how about we straighten these books out first. Your sister had them so neatly arranged.” Kristina said before Nathan could reach them. This earned a tentative smile from the young girl.
Nathan scooped Rick out of her arms and twirled him in the air. “Hey, little man,” he said, “How about you and I go play, so your sister can play with Ms. Kristina?”
When Nathan and the boy returned, he was surprised to see Leanne and Kristina laughing. Though Leanne was only a year older than him, lately she looked like she had aged ten years. Seeing the smile brighten her face did his heart good.
As the weeks wore on, he still sensed Kristina held back something, but she remained, if only to some degree, trusting and open toward him. The pain and the hurt still lingered in her eyes, but there was also a glimmer of hope. And that small glimmer of hope was like a tidal wave in his heart. One
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