giving way. She was doing her best to hold it together and project her anger onto her son’s behavior, but the truth was he hadn’t done anything recently, well, not today at least, and he didn’t deserve the way she was speaking to him. But who the hell else was there for her to take her anger out on, who had no choice but to take it? “Just go to your room!” she screamed, and before she could go on tears raced from her eyes and she was crying like a bumbling fool.
Jabril sighed as he stood in the doorway and watched his mother act as if she were losing her mind. “You know I hate to see you cry, Ma.”
“What did I tell you to do?!”
“But you bring this on yourself. Why do you keep playingyourself for these dudes? Screw him. So what if he has money if at the end of the day you feel like shit.”
“Mind your business, Jabril,” she said sternly as she wiped her tears again. “And don’t cuss at me.”
“Listen, you can put me on punishment, tell me to get out, whatever, it doesn’t even matter, but you need to turn some of that anger on yourself, word up. ’Cause you acting like you don’t even like you. This cat don’t even speak to me. He don’t even like me—”
“No, you don’t like him. Either you don’t want to be bothered or you’re in his face about some nonsense.”
“Yo, I’m not chillin’ with no dude that treats you like a jump-off! You can tolerate that, ’cause I ain’t. And when I see you ain’t handling him, you right I’ma be in his face!”
“I’m grown!” She stood to her feet.
“Being grown ain’t good enough if this is how you’re actin’!”
“Who are you talking to like that?!” was all Jaise could think to say. This was the last thing she had expected. “Don’t get slapped. I’m your mother.”
“Then be my mother! Allow me to stop dealing with your issues so I can chill out and be your kid!” He stormed out of the room, flew up the stairs, and slammed the door of his room behind him.
Jaise sat down and sipped her drink. What Jabril didn’t know or at least what life had not allowed him to experience yet is what it really meant to be broke—and broken—and humbled—and humiliated for love, and companionship, and lust. He didn’t know how it felt to be on a new love high, with the perfect man, doing what you considered to be perfect things, only to see it start crumbling before your eyes.
Jabril didn’t understand what it was to say to yourself and to everyone in your circle that you were done with foolishness and that you had learned so much from your first marriage, that the changes you had gone through were over. There was no way you’dever be that desperate, or weak, or confused again; and you really believed this was the new mantra for your life.
So you dated and you met a man who did not spot the invisible suitcase sitting on your shoulder with the travel tags that read USED, ABUSED, MISHANDLED , and UNDER THE SURFACE FRAGILE .
This man was someone you thought was perfect and kind and wonderful. So you ignored his comments about not wanting any children. Hell, you already had one, and you ignored the fact that the guy didn’t talk to your son. You knew plenty of women who separated their man and their children. It was your new normal. Your new rose-colored glasses.
And you believed it when he said you shouldn’t be called a couple, because he didn’t want the weight of a title. Certainly you could understand the reason that you should
act
together, but not really
be
together.
This also excused him for the times that other women called him and the days you didn’t hear from him, because technically you weren’t together. So again you accepted it, and the suitcase on your shoulder started to weigh down your neck, placing a choke hold on you.
More things happened. He cussed you, disrespected you, and it wasn’t that he didn’t like children; he just didn’t like your son. You revealed too many of your secrets and had
Jabril sighed as he stood in the doorway and watched his mother act as if she were losing her mind. “You know I hate to see you cry, Ma.”
“What did I tell you to do?!”
“But you bring this on yourself. Why do you keep playingyourself for these dudes? Screw him. So what if he has money if at the end of the day you feel like shit.”
“Mind your business, Jabril,” she said sternly as she wiped her tears again. “And don’t cuss at me.”
“Listen, you can put me on punishment, tell me to get out, whatever, it doesn’t even matter, but you need to turn some of that anger on yourself, word up. ’Cause you acting like you don’t even like you. This cat don’t even speak to me. He don’t even like me—”
“No, you don’t like him. Either you don’t want to be bothered or you’re in his face about some nonsense.”
“Yo, I’m not chillin’ with no dude that treats you like a jump-off! You can tolerate that, ’cause I ain’t. And when I see you ain’t handling him, you right I’ma be in his face!”
“I’m grown!” She stood to her feet.
“Being grown ain’t good enough if this is how you’re actin’!”
“Who are you talking to like that?!” was all Jaise could think to say. This was the last thing she had expected. “Don’t get slapped. I’m your mother.”
“Then be my mother! Allow me to stop dealing with your issues so I can chill out and be your kid!” He stormed out of the room, flew up the stairs, and slammed the door of his room behind him.
Jaise sat down and sipped her drink. What Jabril didn’t know or at least what life had not allowed him to experience yet is what it really meant to be broke—and broken—and humbled—and humiliated for love, and companionship, and lust. He didn’t know how it felt to be on a new love high, with the perfect man, doing what you considered to be perfect things, only to see it start crumbling before your eyes.
Jabril didn’t understand what it was to say to yourself and to everyone in your circle that you were done with foolishness and that you had learned so much from your first marriage, that the changes you had gone through were over. There was no way you’dever be that desperate, or weak, or confused again; and you really believed this was the new mantra for your life.
So you dated and you met a man who did not spot the invisible suitcase sitting on your shoulder with the travel tags that read USED, ABUSED, MISHANDLED , and UNDER THE SURFACE FRAGILE .
This man was someone you thought was perfect and kind and wonderful. So you ignored his comments about not wanting any children. Hell, you already had one, and you ignored the fact that the guy didn’t talk to your son. You knew plenty of women who separated their man and their children. It was your new normal. Your new rose-colored glasses.
And you believed it when he said you shouldn’t be called a couple, because he didn’t want the weight of a title. Certainly you could understand the reason that you should
act
together, but not really
be
together.
This also excused him for the times that other women called him and the days you didn’t hear from him, because technically you weren’t together. So again you accepted it, and the suitcase on your shoulder started to weigh down your neck, placing a choke hold on you.
More things happened. He cussed you, disrespected you, and it wasn’t that he didn’t like children; he just didn’t like your son. You revealed too many of your secrets and had
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