Midwife in a Million by Fiona McArthur Page A

faintly that the baby hadn’t died, maybe he’d adopted him out, but I searched Perth, found Fairmont Gardens and there was a plaque. I’d found him. Baby of Kate Onslow. Lived for a day, and the date.’
    Rory felt sick with self disgust. ‘What date, Kate?’
    She stared into the fire. ‘The third of August. He’d been eight weeks premature and I’d never had a chance to name him.’
    Rory looked at Kate and didn’t know what to do—or say. She’d never forgive him for this. No wonder she hated him. ‘I’m so sorry.’
    ‘I don’t blame you.’ But her voice was flat and broken with memories and his heart ached for this woman who’d meant the world to him—still meant the world to him.
    He tried to imagine what a young girl without amother, or anyone to hug her, could do in the beginning to ease that pain. He guessed there wasn’t much she could do without support except brick it up and try not to think about it. ‘Did you go home at all?’
    ‘No.’ She shook her head vehemently. ‘Why would I? I boarded in Perth and studied every minute to give myself choices. That’s when I decided I’d stay for uni and do my midwifery. I’d be there for young mums.’ She looked at him. ‘This is the first time I’ve been back to Jabiru and you had to turn up.’
    Rory couldn’t grasp that she’d shut him out when she’d most needed him. ‘It’s been ten years. What about later? You never told me.’
    She looked at him but there was no expression on her face. After what she’d just said. No expression. That scared him most of all.
    ‘What was I supposed to do? Write to you and say—by the way, guess what happened? Ruin your life too?’
    He needed to reach her. ‘My life was ruined when you wrote to me and told me never to come back.’
    She shook her head. Not wanting to hear that. ‘I was scared. Scared what my father would do to you. He warned me he’d ruin you if I contacted you. Ruin your family, who still worked for him. And I was scared that, if I told you, you’d never do the things you wanted to do. I know how important moving up in life was for you, Rory. I didn’t want your bitterness and disappointment to be my fault if you’d comeback to look after me.’ She looked away. ‘Then it was too late. I didn’t want to talk about it. I still don’t.’
    ‘You were more important than my career.’ It was his turn to deny. But, in all honesty, would he have had that clarity in his youth? ‘I would never have blamed you. We would have made it somehow.’ He reached out his hand to her. ‘Kate, I would have been there for you. I’m here now.’
    She ignored it. ‘It’s too late for us, Rory. I don’t want a husband. When my father dies I’ll sell Jabiru Station and go back to Perth. It’s time to go back. I’ll open a refuge for pregnant women, plaster its availability everywhere, give young women options that they might not otherwise get.’
    It couldn’t end this way. ‘You can do that and still see me.’
    She shook her head at him like he was a child. Like the child he was beginning to feel against her implacable wisdom. ‘You’re still in love with someone who doesn’t exist, Rory. The sixteen-year-old girl you left. I’m not that girl. I never will be again.’
    This couldn’t be it. After the glimmer of hope when he’d found out she’d never married. After the rapport they’d shared in flashes only today. There could be more of those. ‘I could love the woman she’s become.’
    One decisive shake of her head. ‘I don’t think so.’ Then she lifted her chin and said the saddest thing yet. ‘Because if I can’t love myself how can you?’
    Oh, Kate. What had he done? ‘You were too young to cope with that on your own. I was careless and unprepared for what happened that afternoon but I should have come back to check you were all right. I’m sorry I let you down, Kate.’
    ‘I don’t want to talk about it any more, Rory. Just know…’ here she paused, and