Middle School: Get Me Out of Here! by James Patterson Page A
Authors: James Patterson
Tags: adventure, Humour, Childrens, Young Adult, Juvenile Fiction / Family - Multigenerational, Juvenile Fiction / Lifestyles - City & Town Life, Juvenile Fiction / Comics & Graphic Novels - General, Juvenile Fiction / Social Issues - New Experience
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can stop traffic just by holding up her hand. With her other hand.
Are there
really
zombies on my way to school every morning?
Of course there are! But only inside my head. Only in my wild imagination. I guess you could say I try to see the funny side of any situation. Youshould try it sometime. It makes life a lot more interesting.
So how did I end up here in this zombified suburb not too far from New York City?
Well,
that
, my friends, is a very interesting story….
A STRANGER IN AN EVEN STRANGER LAND
I moved to Long Beach on Long Island only a couple months ago from a small town out in the country. I guess you could say I’m a hick straight from the sticks.
To make my long story a little shorter, Long Beach isn’t my home, and I don’t think it ever will be. Have you ever felt like you don’t fit in? That you don’t belong where you are but you’re sort of stuck there? Well, that’s exactly how I feel each and every day since I moved to Long Beach.
Moving to a brand-new town also means I have to face a brand-new bunch of kids, and bullies, at my brand-new school.
Now, like all the other schools I’ve ever attended, the hallways of Long Beach Middle School are plastered with all sorts of NO BULLYING posters. There’s only one problem: Bullies, it turns out, don’t read too much. I guess reading really isn’t a job requirement in the high-paying fields of name-calling, nose-punching, and atomic-wedgie-yanking.
You want to know the secret to not getting beat up at school?
Well, I don’t really have scientific proof or anything, but, in my experience, comedy works. Most of the time, anyway.
That’s right: Never underestimate the power of a good laugh. It can stop some of the fiercest middle-school monsters.
For instance, if you hit your local bully with a pretty good joke, he or she might be too busy laughing to hit you back. It’s true: Punch lines can actually beat punches because it’s pretty hard for a bully to give you a triple nipple cripple if he’s doubled over, holding his sides, and laughing his head off.
So every morning, before heading off to school, just make sure you pack some good jokes along with your lunch. For instance, you could distract your bully with a one-liner from one of my all-time favorite stand-up comics, Steven Wright: “Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID, he just whipped out a quarter?”
If that doesn’t work, go with some surefire Homer Simpson: “Operator! Give me the number for 911!”
All I’m saying is that laughing is healthy. A lot healthier than getting socked in the stomach. Especially if you had a big breakfast.
Read more in
I FUNNY
Coming December 10, 2012!
BOOKS BY JAMES PATTERSON
for Readers of All Ages
The Witch & Wizard Novels
Witch & Wizard
(with Gabrielle Charbonnet)
The Gift
(with Ned Rust)
The Fire
(with Jill Dembowski)
The Maximum Ride Novels
The Angel Experiment
School’s Out—Forever
Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
The Final Warning
MAX
FANG
ANGEL
The Daniel X Novels
The Dangerous Days of Daniel X
(with Michael Ledwidge)
Watch the Skies
(with Ned Rust)
Demons and Druids
(with Adam Sadler)
Game Over
(with Ned Rust)
The Middle School Novels
Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life
(with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: Get Me out of Here!
(with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Illustrated Novels
Daniel X: Alien Hunter
(graphic novel; with Leopoldo Gout)
Daniel X: The Manga, Vols. 1 – 2
(with SeungHui Kye)
Maximum Ride: The Manga, Vols. 1 – 5
(with NaRae Lee)
Witch & Wizard: The Manga, Vols. 1 – 2
(with Svetlana Chmakova)
For previews of upcoming books in these series and other information, visit www.maximumride.com , www.daniel-x.com , www.witchandwizard.com , and www.middleschoolbook.com .
For more information about the author, visit www.JamesPatterson.com .
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
Are there
really
zombies on my way to school every morning?
Of course there are! But only inside my head. Only in my wild imagination. I guess you could say I try to see the funny side of any situation. Youshould try it sometime. It makes life a lot more interesting.
So how did I end up here in this zombified suburb not too far from New York City?
Well,
that
, my friends, is a very interesting story….
A STRANGER IN AN EVEN STRANGER LAND
I moved to Long Beach on Long Island only a couple months ago from a small town out in the country. I guess you could say I’m a hick straight from the sticks.
To make my long story a little shorter, Long Beach isn’t my home, and I don’t think it ever will be. Have you ever felt like you don’t fit in? That you don’t belong where you are but you’re sort of stuck there? Well, that’s exactly how I feel each and every day since I moved to Long Beach.
Moving to a brand-new town also means I have to face a brand-new bunch of kids, and bullies, at my brand-new school.
Now, like all the other schools I’ve ever attended, the hallways of Long Beach Middle School are plastered with all sorts of NO BULLYING posters. There’s only one problem: Bullies, it turns out, don’t read too much. I guess reading really isn’t a job requirement in the high-paying fields of name-calling, nose-punching, and atomic-wedgie-yanking.
You want to know the secret to not getting beat up at school?
Well, I don’t really have scientific proof or anything, but, in my experience, comedy works. Most of the time, anyway.
That’s right: Never underestimate the power of a good laugh. It can stop some of the fiercest middle-school monsters.
For instance, if you hit your local bully with a pretty good joke, he or she might be too busy laughing to hit you back. It’s true: Punch lines can actually beat punches because it’s pretty hard for a bully to give you a triple nipple cripple if he’s doubled over, holding his sides, and laughing his head off.
So every morning, before heading off to school, just make sure you pack some good jokes along with your lunch. For instance, you could distract your bully with a one-liner from one of my all-time favorite stand-up comics, Steven Wright: “Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID, he just whipped out a quarter?”
If that doesn’t work, go with some surefire Homer Simpson: “Operator! Give me the number for 911!”
All I’m saying is that laughing is healthy. A lot healthier than getting socked in the stomach. Especially if you had a big breakfast.
Read more in
I FUNNY
Coming December 10, 2012!
BOOKS BY JAMES PATTERSON
for Readers of All Ages
The Witch & Wizard Novels
Witch & Wizard
(with Gabrielle Charbonnet)
The Gift
(with Ned Rust)
The Fire
(with Jill Dembowski)
The Maximum Ride Novels
The Angel Experiment
School’s Out—Forever
Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
The Final Warning
MAX
FANG
ANGEL
The Daniel X Novels
The Dangerous Days of Daniel X
(with Michael Ledwidge)
Watch the Skies
(with Ned Rust)
Demons and Druids
(with Adam Sadler)
Game Over
(with Ned Rust)
The Middle School Novels
Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life
(with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: Get Me out of Here!
(with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Illustrated Novels
Daniel X: Alien Hunter
(graphic novel; with Leopoldo Gout)
Daniel X: The Manga, Vols. 1 – 2
(with SeungHui Kye)
Maximum Ride: The Manga, Vols. 1 – 5
(with NaRae Lee)
Witch & Wizard: The Manga, Vols. 1 – 2
(with Svetlana Chmakova)
For previews of upcoming books in these series and other information, visit www.maximumride.com , www.daniel-x.com , www.witchandwizard.com , and www.middleschoolbook.com .
For more information about the author, visit www.JamesPatterson.com .
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
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