starting from scratch again - more psychic pioneering.
"This is so 'Zenny,' " Bug said happily, as some poor cretin purchased his used electric razor (ugh!) as well as his collection of Elle MacPherson merchandise.
Also for sale:
• Japan Airlines inflatable 747
• official Hulk Hogan WWF focus-free 110 signature camera
• antique Ghostbuster squeeze toys
• Nick the Greek professional gambling home board game
• Ping-Pong table
• shoe box full of squirt guns
• blenders (2)
• vegetable juicer
• dehumidifier
• unopened cans of aerosolized cheese food products
• M. C. Escher pop-up books
• far too many Dilophosaurus figurines
• huge Sony box full of collected Styrofoam packing peanuts and packing chunks from untold assorted consumer electronics
The big surprise? Everyone sold everything - everything - even the box of Styrofoam. Bug's right: We're one sick species.
* * *
And my car sold, too - in a flash, to the first person who came around to look at it. Wayne's World did wonders for the secondary market of AMC products.
Actually, the Hornet was such a bucket I was surprised it sold at all. I was worried I'd have to drive it south. Or abandon it somewhere.
Now I am virtually possessionless. Having nothing feels liberating.
* * *
National Enquirer:
"Loni's Diary Rips Burt Apart"
He threatened her with a gun in jealous rage
He locked her out of her honeymoon suite
He hid vodka in water bottles
PLUS: Burt: "I wanted to ditch her at the altar."
Exclusive interview on his tell-all book
I do not want this to be me.
SUNDAY
Today we left for California and Karla did her first major flip-out on me. I suppose I was being insensitive, but I think she overreacted by far. In packing her Microbus, she buried all of the cassettes we were going to be using for the trip deep inside the bowels of luggage. I said, "God, how could you be so stupid!"
Then she went crazy and threw a toaster oven at me and said things like, "Don't you ever call me stupid," and "I am not stupid," and she piled into the van and drove off. Todd was standing nearby and just shrugged and went back to bungeeing his Soloflex on top of his Supra. I had to take off in the Acura and catch up with her down by the Safeway, and we made up.
* * *
Karla said good-bye to her old geek house's cat, Lentil, named as such because that's how big its brain is. Nerds tend to have cats, not dogs. I think this is because if you have to go to Boston or to a COMDEX or something, cats can take care of themselves for a few days, and when you return, they'll probably remember you. Low maintenance.,
* * *
Bug was like a little kid, all excited about our "convoy" down to California and was romanticizing the trip already, before we'd even left. The worst part was, he had his ghetto blaster on and was playing that old '70s song, "Convoy," and so the song was stuck in our heads all day.
Cars for the trip:
Me: Michael's Acura
Karla: her Microbus
Todd: his Supra
Susan and Bug: their Tauri with U-Haul trailers
Todd said that our "car architecture" for our journey is "scalable and integrated - and fully modular - just like Apple products!"
* * *
Somewhere near Olympia, Bug's car rounded a bend and it was so weird - gravity pulled me into an exit off-ramp. And then everyone else trickled in, too. Served him right for lodging the virus of that dopey song in our heads. It was like in third grade, when you ditch someone. It just happens. Humans are horrible.
Then we all felt really horrible for ditching Bug, and we went out chasing him, but we couldn't find him and I got a speeding ticket. Karma.
I-5 is a radar hell.
* * *
During a roadside break I asked Karla why she didn't want to go visit her parents in McMinnville, but she said it was because they were psychotic, and so I didn't press the matter.
The Microbus is covered in gray bondo with orange bondo spots all over it. We call it The Carp.
* * *
We found Bug south of Eugene. He didn't
"This is so 'Zenny,' " Bug said happily, as some poor cretin purchased his used electric razor (ugh!) as well as his collection of Elle MacPherson merchandise.
Also for sale:
• Japan Airlines inflatable 747
• official Hulk Hogan WWF focus-free 110 signature camera
• antique Ghostbuster squeeze toys
• Nick the Greek professional gambling home board game
• Ping-Pong table
• shoe box full of squirt guns
• blenders (2)
• vegetable juicer
• dehumidifier
• unopened cans of aerosolized cheese food products
• M. C. Escher pop-up books
• far too many Dilophosaurus figurines
• huge Sony box full of collected Styrofoam packing peanuts and packing chunks from untold assorted consumer electronics
The big surprise? Everyone sold everything - everything - even the box of Styrofoam. Bug's right: We're one sick species.
* * *
And my car sold, too - in a flash, to the first person who came around to look at it. Wayne's World did wonders for the secondary market of AMC products.
Actually, the Hornet was such a bucket I was surprised it sold at all. I was worried I'd have to drive it south. Or abandon it somewhere.
Now I am virtually possessionless. Having nothing feels liberating.
* * *
National Enquirer:
"Loni's Diary Rips Burt Apart"
He threatened her with a gun in jealous rage
He locked her out of her honeymoon suite
He hid vodka in water bottles
PLUS: Burt: "I wanted to ditch her at the altar."
Exclusive interview on his tell-all book
I do not want this to be me.
SUNDAY
Today we left for California and Karla did her first major flip-out on me. I suppose I was being insensitive, but I think she overreacted by far. In packing her Microbus, she buried all of the cassettes we were going to be using for the trip deep inside the bowels of luggage. I said, "God, how could you be so stupid!"
Then she went crazy and threw a toaster oven at me and said things like, "Don't you ever call me stupid," and "I am not stupid," and she piled into the van and drove off. Todd was standing nearby and just shrugged and went back to bungeeing his Soloflex on top of his Supra. I had to take off in the Acura and catch up with her down by the Safeway, and we made up.
* * *
Karla said good-bye to her old geek house's cat, Lentil, named as such because that's how big its brain is. Nerds tend to have cats, not dogs. I think this is because if you have to go to Boston or to a COMDEX or something, cats can take care of themselves for a few days, and when you return, they'll probably remember you. Low maintenance.,
* * *
Bug was like a little kid, all excited about our "convoy" down to California and was romanticizing the trip already, before we'd even left. The worst part was, he had his ghetto blaster on and was playing that old '70s song, "Convoy," and so the song was stuck in our heads all day.
Cars for the trip:
Me: Michael's Acura
Karla: her Microbus
Todd: his Supra
Susan and Bug: their Tauri with U-Haul trailers
Todd said that our "car architecture" for our journey is "scalable and integrated - and fully modular - just like Apple products!"
* * *
Somewhere near Olympia, Bug's car rounded a bend and it was so weird - gravity pulled me into an exit off-ramp. And then everyone else trickled in, too. Served him right for lodging the virus of that dopey song in our heads. It was like in third grade, when you ditch someone. It just happens. Humans are horrible.
Then we all felt really horrible for ditching Bug, and we went out chasing him, but we couldn't find him and I got a speeding ticket. Karma.
I-5 is a radar hell.
* * *
During a roadside break I asked Karla why she didn't want to go visit her parents in McMinnville, but she said it was because they were psychotic, and so I didn't press the matter.
The Microbus is covered in gray bondo with orange bondo spots all over it. We call it The Carp.
* * *
We found Bug south of Eugene. He didn't
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