Mercury: An Intimate Biography of Freddie Mercury by Lesley-Ann Jones Page B
Authors: Lesley-Ann Jones
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blamed Freddie for the band’s demise. They all adored him regardless, touched as they were by his ambition, abandon, and exhilarating appetite for life. Ken Testi spoke for everyone when he commented: “It was an education knowing Freddie. He was very committed about everything. He had a certain tenacity, a single-mindedness, a desire for excellence.”
Bersin and Taylor returned to Liverpool. Thompson evaporated into the London music scene. The rest of them continued to cram into their overcrowded West London flat. Freddie without a band, and Roger and Brian without a lead singer. Why didn’t they simply snap him up?
“The Smile people thought of Freddie as a little bit of a joke,” their friend Chris Dummett later admitted. “They used to send him up, take the piss a bit . . . in an affectionate way, I suppose.”
Often the solution under our noses is the one we notice last.
* * *
As if he didn’t have enough to worry about, Freddie had started to struggle with his sexual orientation. Despite the fact that he’d already had girlfriends, in particular a young woman called Rosemary Pearson, some remember him showing a passionate interest in meeting gay men but never having the confidence to act on it.
As one former art college associate puts it, “He thought he liked women, but it took him quite a while to realize he was gay . . . I don’t think he could face up to the feeling it caused inside him. He was obviously terribly interested in homosexuality but was afraid of it as well. I suppose he was squeamish, and frightened of accepting himself as gay.”
Another friend remembers Freddie paying regular visits to a bunch of gay flat-sharers in Barnes. He concealed these visits from his own flatmates, at a loss to explain to his friends what he couldn’t comprehend himself. Worrying constantly about the impression he was making, Freddie would from time to time retreat into his shell and become quite reclusive. At around the same time he began to reveal less attractive traits. He could be self-centered and egotistical, not to mention petulant and sulky, as if an overwhelming internal struggle was getting the better of him.
We all have our dark side. Freddie was fundamentally a kind, generous, and considerate human being. Averse to using others to get what he wanted, he rather seemed happy to allow himself to be used, expecting nothing in return. Perhaps his worst characteristic was his vanity. He would fiddle endlessly with his hair and his clothes, and obsess about his appearance ad nauseam. His endless declarations that he was going to be “a legend” could get on people’s nerves.
His preoccupation with keeping up appearances didn’t help: while living hand to mouth, as most of his cohorts did, Freddie refused to use public transport, preferring to spend the last coins in his pocket on taxis home when he should have been feeding himself. Friends began to despair of him. What would become of Freddie, they wondered, should he fail to make it in the music business? Despite his graphic design qualification, they knew he’d never hold down a nine-to-five job.
Lacking stability and direction in every aspect of his life, no wonder he felt insecure. Freddie knew that he was not like most people. He also knew that he had to pay the bills. While he still had a bedroom of his own at his parents’ Feltham house, to which he could return any time he wanted, he was reluctant to admit defeat and slink home. He knewthat his family would struggle to understand the life he was leading now, and never took friends home to meet his parents or sister.
“As a parent, you worry—but you have to let your child get on with their life,” his mother Jer said.
Freddie continued to go home for dinner once a week or so, and his mother would always cook his favorite meal, Dhansak: a delicious if laborious Indian dish popular in the Parsee community, which marries aspects of both Persian and Gujarati cuisine. The recipe
Bersin and Taylor returned to Liverpool. Thompson evaporated into the London music scene. The rest of them continued to cram into their overcrowded West London flat. Freddie without a band, and Roger and Brian without a lead singer. Why didn’t they simply snap him up?
“The Smile people thought of Freddie as a little bit of a joke,” their friend Chris Dummett later admitted. “They used to send him up, take the piss a bit . . . in an affectionate way, I suppose.”
Often the solution under our noses is the one we notice last.
* * *
As if he didn’t have enough to worry about, Freddie had started to struggle with his sexual orientation. Despite the fact that he’d already had girlfriends, in particular a young woman called Rosemary Pearson, some remember him showing a passionate interest in meeting gay men but never having the confidence to act on it.
As one former art college associate puts it, “He thought he liked women, but it took him quite a while to realize he was gay . . . I don’t think he could face up to the feeling it caused inside him. He was obviously terribly interested in homosexuality but was afraid of it as well. I suppose he was squeamish, and frightened of accepting himself as gay.”
Another friend remembers Freddie paying regular visits to a bunch of gay flat-sharers in Barnes. He concealed these visits from his own flatmates, at a loss to explain to his friends what he couldn’t comprehend himself. Worrying constantly about the impression he was making, Freddie would from time to time retreat into his shell and become quite reclusive. At around the same time he began to reveal less attractive traits. He could be self-centered and egotistical, not to mention petulant and sulky, as if an overwhelming internal struggle was getting the better of him.
We all have our dark side. Freddie was fundamentally a kind, generous, and considerate human being. Averse to using others to get what he wanted, he rather seemed happy to allow himself to be used, expecting nothing in return. Perhaps his worst characteristic was his vanity. He would fiddle endlessly with his hair and his clothes, and obsess about his appearance ad nauseam. His endless declarations that he was going to be “a legend” could get on people’s nerves.
His preoccupation with keeping up appearances didn’t help: while living hand to mouth, as most of his cohorts did, Freddie refused to use public transport, preferring to spend the last coins in his pocket on taxis home when he should have been feeding himself. Friends began to despair of him. What would become of Freddie, they wondered, should he fail to make it in the music business? Despite his graphic design qualification, they knew he’d never hold down a nine-to-five job.
Lacking stability and direction in every aspect of his life, no wonder he felt insecure. Freddie knew that he was not like most people. He also knew that he had to pay the bills. While he still had a bedroom of his own at his parents’ Feltham house, to which he could return any time he wanted, he was reluctant to admit defeat and slink home. He knewthat his family would struggle to understand the life he was leading now, and never took friends home to meet his parents or sister.
“As a parent, you worry—but you have to let your child get on with their life,” his mother Jer said.
Freddie continued to go home for dinner once a week or so, and his mother would always cook his favorite meal, Dhansak: a delicious if laborious Indian dish popular in the Parsee community, which marries aspects of both Persian and Gujarati cuisine. The recipe
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