guess is as good as mine
, he replied.
“We will consider your wares,” she said at length, and stepped forth into the light of day. Behind her an evil-faced cat came to the doorway, peered out at us, and fled back inside. Oscar hastened toopen up the side of his wagon, displaying a gaudy splendor of ribbons, brass thimbles and scissors, pack thread, playing cards, cheaply bound books, and various items for personal grooming.
“There, now, Your Highness, what d’you think of this?” he said, as though he expected her breath to be taken away by the glory of it all. I decided they were both nuts and turned my attention to a nice little specimen of
Lupinus
lifting spires of blue and purple from the edge of an irrigation ditch. Her Royal Highness Rodiamantikoff fussed and sniffed at the items on display, remarking plaintively that these things were very shoddily made, not like wares in dear old Grumania-Starstein, and occasionally her two spirit guides threw in their two cents about the quality of this bottle of toilet water or that pair of silver-plated sugar nippers. Oscar just poured on the ingratiating charm, bowing and scraping as though she were standing there in her royal finery.
She’d decided on three yards of scarlet ribbon and a deck of playing cards, explaining that her mother had been a Gypsy and taught her to read the future with them—this, by the way, was why the evil conspirators had not wanted her to inherit the throne and stole the crown for the prime minister’s baseborn son Otto, who was the offspring of a chambermaid—when Chief Running Deer and King Elisheazar got into a fight over whether or not she should buy herself a peppermint stick. Chief Running Deer (she informed us) said she oughtn’t to deny herself such a small pleasure, poor exiled creature that she was, but King Elisheazar told him he was a savage without any breeding and it showed, because
everybody
knew that royalty didn’t buy themselves candy; such luxuries were given to them by loving subjects and by foreigners out of respect for the aura of rulership that hung about their persons despite unfortunate circumstances.
Oscar took the hint and presented her the peppermint stick with his compliments, which restored the good humor of the spirit guides, much to Her Highness’s relief, for it
so
embarrassed her when they went at it like that. She paid a whole thirty-five cents for the cards and the ribbon, delving into her skinny bosom for it, and I guess it wasmore money than Oscar had made in days, because, encouraged by his success, he made so bold as to say:
“Now I wonder, Your Highness, if you’d be interested in purchasing a certain item I have here—and I’ve only the one, you see, you won’t find its like this side of the Rockies, but you being royalty and all, I’d like to offer you first crack at it. Step this way if you please, Your Highness, and I’ll give you a private viewing.”
She followed his outstretched hand around to the other side of the wagon, where he opened up the panel and revealed the Criterion Patented Brassbound Pie Safe.
“You see here?” His face was shining with desperate hope. “
Your
eye, trained as it is in discernment and accustomed as it is to superior craftsmanship,
your
eye will surely appreciate the magnificence of this prime household appurtenance. Note the panels of polished rosewood. Note the decorative brass figuring: pineapples, the ancient symbol of abundance and hospitality. Now, I don’t pretend that this is any match for the fine kitchen furniture they’ve got in your country, but I’ll tell you plainly, Your Highness, that this is positively the finest the U. S. of A. has to offer, and no other lady in all of southern California has the like. Now, down east where I come from, the wives of millionaires would pay as much as twenty-five dollars for the likes of this—
if
they could get it! And of course out here, where everything has to be brought by ship, it’s worth
, he replied.
“We will consider your wares,” she said at length, and stepped forth into the light of day. Behind her an evil-faced cat came to the doorway, peered out at us, and fled back inside. Oscar hastened toopen up the side of his wagon, displaying a gaudy splendor of ribbons, brass thimbles and scissors, pack thread, playing cards, cheaply bound books, and various items for personal grooming.
“There, now, Your Highness, what d’you think of this?” he said, as though he expected her breath to be taken away by the glory of it all. I decided they were both nuts and turned my attention to a nice little specimen of
Lupinus
lifting spires of blue and purple from the edge of an irrigation ditch. Her Royal Highness Rodiamantikoff fussed and sniffed at the items on display, remarking plaintively that these things were very shoddily made, not like wares in dear old Grumania-Starstein, and occasionally her two spirit guides threw in their two cents about the quality of this bottle of toilet water or that pair of silver-plated sugar nippers. Oscar just poured on the ingratiating charm, bowing and scraping as though she were standing there in her royal finery.
She’d decided on three yards of scarlet ribbon and a deck of playing cards, explaining that her mother had been a Gypsy and taught her to read the future with them—this, by the way, was why the evil conspirators had not wanted her to inherit the throne and stole the crown for the prime minister’s baseborn son Otto, who was the offspring of a chambermaid—when Chief Running Deer and King Elisheazar got into a fight over whether or not she should buy herself a peppermint stick. Chief Running Deer (she informed us) said she oughtn’t to deny herself such a small pleasure, poor exiled creature that she was, but King Elisheazar told him he was a savage without any breeding and it showed, because
everybody
knew that royalty didn’t buy themselves candy; such luxuries were given to them by loving subjects and by foreigners out of respect for the aura of rulership that hung about their persons despite unfortunate circumstances.
Oscar took the hint and presented her the peppermint stick with his compliments, which restored the good humor of the spirit guides, much to Her Highness’s relief, for it
so
embarrassed her when they went at it like that. She paid a whole thirty-five cents for the cards and the ribbon, delving into her skinny bosom for it, and I guess it wasmore money than Oscar had made in days, because, encouraged by his success, he made so bold as to say:
“Now I wonder, Your Highness, if you’d be interested in purchasing a certain item I have here—and I’ve only the one, you see, you won’t find its like this side of the Rockies, but you being royalty and all, I’d like to offer you first crack at it. Step this way if you please, Your Highness, and I’ll give you a private viewing.”
She followed his outstretched hand around to the other side of the wagon, where he opened up the panel and revealed the Criterion Patented Brassbound Pie Safe.
“You see here?” His face was shining with desperate hope. “
Your
eye, trained as it is in discernment and accustomed as it is to superior craftsmanship,
your
eye will surely appreciate the magnificence of this prime household appurtenance. Note the panels of polished rosewood. Note the decorative brass figuring: pineapples, the ancient symbol of abundance and hospitality. Now, I don’t pretend that this is any match for the fine kitchen furniture they’ve got in your country, but I’ll tell you plainly, Your Highness, that this is positively the finest the U. S. of A. has to offer, and no other lady in all of southern California has the like. Now, down east where I come from, the wives of millionaires would pay as much as twenty-five dollars for the likes of this—
if
they could get it! And of course out here, where everything has to be brought by ship, it’s worth
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