Men at Arms

Men at Arms by Evelyn Waugh Page B

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Authors: Evelyn Waugh
Tags: Fiction
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said the girl.
    ‘Is that far?’
    ‘The Café Royal,’ Frank explained. ‘Come too.’
    ‘But Jane and Constant said they might be meeting us there,’ said the girl.
    ‘They never do,’ said Frank.
    ‘Come and eat oysters with me,’ said Guy. ‘There’s a place just next door.’
    ‘I hate oysters,’ said the girl.
    ‘Perhaps we’d better not,’ said Frank. ‘Thanks all the same.’
    ‘Well, we’ll meet again soon.’
    ‘At Philippi,’ said Frank.
    ‘Oh God,’ said the girl. ‘Come on.’
     
    On his last evening, the last day of the old year, after dinner Guy was at Bellamy’s, standing at the bar, when he heard: ‘Hullo, Tommy, how are the staff officer’s piles?’ and turning, found at his side a major of the Coldstream.
    It was Tommy Blackhouse, whom he had last seen from his solicitor’s window in Lincoln’s inn when he and Tommy’s soldier-servant had been summoned to make a formal recognition during the divorce proceedings. Tommy and Virginia had come through the square laughing, had paused at the door by arrangement showing their faces, Virginia’s under a bright new hat, Tommy’s under a bowler, and had immediately gone on, without looking up towards the windows from one of which, they knew, they were being watched. Guy had testified: ‘That is my wife.’ The guardsman had said ‘That is Captain Blackhouse and the lady with him is the one I found when I called him on the morning of the 14th.’ Each had then signed a statement and the solicitor had stopped Guy from giving the guardsman a ten shilling note. ‘Entirely irregular, Mr Crouchback. The offer of an emolument might jeopardize the action.’
    Tommy Blackhouse had had to send in his papers and leave the Brigade of Guards, but, because his heart was in soldiering, he had transferred to a line regiment. Now, it seemed, he was back in the Coldstream. Before that time Guy and Tommy Blackhouse had known one another very slightly. Now they said:
    ‘Hullo, Guy.’
    ‘Hullo, Tommy.’
    ‘So you’re in the Halberdiers. They’re very efficient, aren’t they?’
    ‘Much too efficient for me. They nearly broke my leg the other night. I see you’re back in the Coldstream.’
    ‘I don’t know where I am. I’m a sort of shuttlecock between the War House and the Lieutenant Colonel. I got back to the Brigade all right last year – adultery doesn’t matter in wartime apparently – but like an ass I spent the last two or three years at the Staff College and somehow managed to pass. So I’m called “G.2. Training” and spend all my time trying to get back to regimental soldiering. I knew one of yours at the Staff College. Awfully good chap with a big moustache. Forget his name.’
    ‘They’ve all got big moustaches.’
    ‘You’re in for a pretty interesting role it seems to me. I saw a file about it today.’
    ‘We know nothing.’
    ‘Well, it’ll be a long war. There’ll be fun for us all in the end.’
    It was all quite effortless,
    Half an hour later the group broke up. In the hall Tommy said: ‘I say you
are
going lame. Let me give you a lift.’
    They drove up Piccadilly in silence. Then Tommy said: ‘Virginia’s back in England.’
    Guy had never considered what Tommy thought about Virginia. He did not know precisely in what circumstances they had parted.
    ‘Has she been away?’
    ‘Yes, for quite a time. In America. She’s come back for the war.’
    ‘Typical of her – when everyone else is running the other way.’
    ‘She’s in great form. I saw her this evening in Claridge’s. She asked after you but I didn’t know then where you were.’
    ‘She asked after me?’
    ‘Well, to tell you the truth she asked after all her old boy friends but you especially. Go and see her if you’ve got time. We all ought to rally round.’
    ‘Where is she?’
    ‘At Claridge’s, I imagine.’
    ‘I don’t suppose she wants to see me really.’
    ‘I got the impression she wants to see the whole world. She was

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