considered the possibility. “I thought people usually say they’re good at things when they’re not.”
“Wait, what?” I pushed my hair off my forehead. My bangs were growing out, and lately they were always getting in my eyes. “I’m sorry, I totally lost what we’re talking about.”
Calvin threw back his head and laughed just as Jake pulled into the driveway, honking, with Luke hanging out of the back window and waving.
“Come on!” Luke yelled. “We’re going to be late.”
“You need a ride?” asked Calvin as Tommy tossed the basketball onto the lawn.
“No,” I said. “I feel like walking. Thanks, though.”
“Anytime.”
Calvin and Tommy headed for the car, and Jake waved to me. “You don’t want a ride?” Jake asked.
I shook my head. It was less than a mile from my house to Livvie’s, and I walked it all the time. “I’m fine,” I told him. “Have fun at the movies.”
The car drove down the block. I waved to them as they passed, thinking what nice guys Calvin and Jake were for entertaining the twins all afternoon. Calvin especially, since you could argue that Jake’s being their big brother obligated him to look after them.
Pretty quickly I couldn’t hear the car anymore. It was a warm afternoon; the only sound was birds calling to one another or singing or whatever it is that birds do and the occasional slam of a door or maybe a lawn mower going in the distance. The walk from Olivia’s to my house was so familiar I could do it on autopilot, and as I made the turn onto my street, I realized I’d gone the whole way without once thinking of Olivia’s being sick. I stopped, startled by the realization. Iwondered what I had been thinking about, but when I tried to retrieve my thoughts of the last fifteen minutes, the file came up blank.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
..................................................................
12
It’s insane how fast the unthinkable becomes the new normal.
By the middle of October, my new routine was as predictable as my old one had been. I went to class. I ate lunch. Sometimes I’d see Jake in the hallway or as I was walking into school, and we’d hug and he’d ask me how I was doing. If he was with Emma, she’d hug me and ask how I was doing also. Sometimes I’d just pass a group of cheerleaders without Jake, and all of them would have to hug me and ask how I was doing. Once, when Mia and I were coming back from Starbucks and we ran into Jake and Emma and Stacy Shaw and the Bailor twins in the parking lot, she witnessed this phenomenon and said there weren’t enough minutes in a free period for her to do coffee runs with me anymore.
I went over to Mia’s a couple of times, and the soccer teamhad a party and they invited me, but all those things were just a way to pass the time. My life—my real life—was, just as it had been until sophomore year, with Olivia. Every day after school and every Saturday afternoon and every Sunday morning I’d get on the train or into my mom’s or my dad’s car and head into the city to Olivia’s hospital room. We’d do homework together or not do homework together or talk trash about people or—when mouth sores from the chemo made it hard for her to talk—communicate via a sign language we invented that made us crack up but that drove everyone else in the room totally batshit. On Saturday mornings, we taught dance class together—or she taught the class while I said vague, encouraging things from the sidelines.
Instead of dancing together, we were waiting for Olivia to get better together. Everything had changed, but nothing had changed. It was still me and Olivia in our own world.
One afternoon, just as I was walking out of history—my last class of the day—and doing a mental check of what I had to get from my locker before I left the building to go home and meet my dad so he could drive me into Manhattan, Mrs. Greco called. Because it was her
“Wait, what?” I pushed my hair off my forehead. My bangs were growing out, and lately they were always getting in my eyes. “I’m sorry, I totally lost what we’re talking about.”
Calvin threw back his head and laughed just as Jake pulled into the driveway, honking, with Luke hanging out of the back window and waving.
“Come on!” Luke yelled. “We’re going to be late.”
“You need a ride?” asked Calvin as Tommy tossed the basketball onto the lawn.
“No,” I said. “I feel like walking. Thanks, though.”
“Anytime.”
Calvin and Tommy headed for the car, and Jake waved to me. “You don’t want a ride?” Jake asked.
I shook my head. It was less than a mile from my house to Livvie’s, and I walked it all the time. “I’m fine,” I told him. “Have fun at the movies.”
The car drove down the block. I waved to them as they passed, thinking what nice guys Calvin and Jake were for entertaining the twins all afternoon. Calvin especially, since you could argue that Jake’s being their big brother obligated him to look after them.
Pretty quickly I couldn’t hear the car anymore. It was a warm afternoon; the only sound was birds calling to one another or singing or whatever it is that birds do and the occasional slam of a door or maybe a lawn mower going in the distance. The walk from Olivia’s to my house was so familiar I could do it on autopilot, and as I made the turn onto my street, I realized I’d gone the whole way without once thinking of Olivia’s being sick. I stopped, startled by the realization. Iwondered what I had been thinking about, but when I tried to retrieve my thoughts of the last fifteen minutes, the file came up blank.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
..................................................................
12
It’s insane how fast the unthinkable becomes the new normal.
By the middle of October, my new routine was as predictable as my old one had been. I went to class. I ate lunch. Sometimes I’d see Jake in the hallway or as I was walking into school, and we’d hug and he’d ask me how I was doing. If he was with Emma, she’d hug me and ask how I was doing also. Sometimes I’d just pass a group of cheerleaders without Jake, and all of them would have to hug me and ask how I was doing. Once, when Mia and I were coming back from Starbucks and we ran into Jake and Emma and Stacy Shaw and the Bailor twins in the parking lot, she witnessed this phenomenon and said there weren’t enough minutes in a free period for her to do coffee runs with me anymore.
I went over to Mia’s a couple of times, and the soccer teamhad a party and they invited me, but all those things were just a way to pass the time. My life—my real life—was, just as it had been until sophomore year, with Olivia. Every day after school and every Saturday afternoon and every Sunday morning I’d get on the train or into my mom’s or my dad’s car and head into the city to Olivia’s hospital room. We’d do homework together or not do homework together or talk trash about people or—when mouth sores from the chemo made it hard for her to talk—communicate via a sign language we invented that made us crack up but that drove everyone else in the room totally batshit. On Saturday mornings, we taught dance class together—or she taught the class while I said vague, encouraging things from the sidelines.
Instead of dancing together, we were waiting for Olivia to get better together. Everything had changed, but nothing had changed. It was still me and Olivia in our own world.
One afternoon, just as I was walking out of history—my last class of the day—and doing a mental check of what I had to get from my locker before I left the building to go home and meet my dad so he could drive me into Manhattan, Mrs. Greco called. Because it was her
Similar Books
