“what’s the plan? Are you staying in L.A. for a while?”
I swallow the piece of steak I’m chewing. “Yeah,” I say. “I’m hoping to.”
“Do you have a job lined up?” Carl asks.
Gabby steps in to defend me. “Dad, don’t.”
He looks defensive. “I’m just asking a question.”
I shake my head. “No,” I say, “I don’t.” I look at the wineglass in front of me. I can’t bring myself to drink any more of it. I don’t want to have to smell it again. I grab the water next to it and sip. “But I will!” I add. “That’s on my list. Car. Job. Apartment. You know, the basic tenets of a functioning life.”
“Do you have money for a car?” Carl asks.
“Dad!” Gabby says. “C’mon.”
Mark stays out of it. He’s too busy scratching his arms. Also, I get the impression that Mark usually stays out of a lot of things.
“Gabby! The girl lived with us for almost two years. She’s practically my long-lost daughter. I can ask her if she needs money for a car.” Carl turns to me. “Can’t I?”
It’s a weird relationship I have with the Hudsons. On the one hand, they are not my parents. They didn’t really raise me, and they don’t check in on me regularly. On the other hand, if I needed anything, I’ve always known they would step in. They took care of me during one of the most formative times in my life. And the truth is, my parents aren’t here. My parents haven’t been here for a while.
“It’s fine,” I say. “I have some money saved. I have enough for a down payment on a car or first, last, and security on an apartment. If I can find a cheap option for each, then I could maybe swing both.”
“You’re saying you have about five thousand dollars, give or take,” Carl says.
Gabby shakes her head. Mark is smiling. Maybe he’s just glad the heat is off him for now.
Tina pipes up before I can. “Carl, why don’t we save the hard stuff for after dinner?”
“Hannah,” hesays directly to me, “am I making you uncomfortable? Is this bothering you?”
C’mon! What am I supposed to say to that? Yes, talking about how broke and unprepared for life I am makes me a little uncomfortable. But who on this planet, when asked directly if they are uncomfortable, admits they are? It’s an impossible question. It forces you to make the other person feel better about invading your personal space.
“It’s fine,” I say. “Really.”
Carl turns to Gabby and Tina. “She says it’s fine.”
“OK, OK,” Tina says. “Who wants more wine?”
Gabby raises her glass. Mine is untouched. “I’m good,” I say.
Tina looks at my plate. “Are you done?” she asks. Everyone else’s plate is fairly clean except for a bite here or there. Mine is empty except for all of the brussels sprouts. “I have a fabulous dessert to bring out.”
I know it’s childish, but I’m honestly worried she will judge me for eating dessert without finishing my vegetables. I start casually eating them quickly. “Sounds great,” I say between bites. “I’m almost done.”
Tina leaves and heads into the kitchen. Carl has started to ask Mark how the dental practice is going when Tina calls for Carl to help her get another bottle of wine open.
“I’m sorry my dad is hounding you,” Gabby says once both Carl and Tina are out of earshot.
I take the last of the brussels sprouts on my fork and cram them into my mouth. I chew quickly and swallow them down. “It’s fine,” I say. “I’m much less worried about your dad’s questions than I am about your mom’s judgment if I don’t finish my vegetables.”
Gabby laughs. “You’re right to be worried.”
Mark joins in. “One time, I didn’t put any of her cooked carrots on my plate, and she pulled me aside later and asked if I was at all concerned about a vitamin A deficiency.”
I take another sip of my water. I may have overshot it with the brussels sprouts. My stomach is starting to feel bloated and nauseated.
“I shouldn’t
I swallow the piece of steak I’m chewing. “Yeah,” I say. “I’m hoping to.”
“Do you have a job lined up?” Carl asks.
Gabby steps in to defend me. “Dad, don’t.”
He looks defensive. “I’m just asking a question.”
I shake my head. “No,” I say, “I don’t.” I look at the wineglass in front of me. I can’t bring myself to drink any more of it. I don’t want to have to smell it again. I grab the water next to it and sip. “But I will!” I add. “That’s on my list. Car. Job. Apartment. You know, the basic tenets of a functioning life.”
“Do you have money for a car?” Carl asks.
“Dad!” Gabby says. “C’mon.”
Mark stays out of it. He’s too busy scratching his arms. Also, I get the impression that Mark usually stays out of a lot of things.
“Gabby! The girl lived with us for almost two years. She’s practically my long-lost daughter. I can ask her if she needs money for a car.” Carl turns to me. “Can’t I?”
It’s a weird relationship I have with the Hudsons. On the one hand, they are not my parents. They didn’t really raise me, and they don’t check in on me regularly. On the other hand, if I needed anything, I’ve always known they would step in. They took care of me during one of the most formative times in my life. And the truth is, my parents aren’t here. My parents haven’t been here for a while.
“It’s fine,” I say. “I have some money saved. I have enough for a down payment on a car or first, last, and security on an apartment. If I can find a cheap option for each, then I could maybe swing both.”
“You’re saying you have about five thousand dollars, give or take,” Carl says.
Gabby shakes her head. Mark is smiling. Maybe he’s just glad the heat is off him for now.
Tina pipes up before I can. “Carl, why don’t we save the hard stuff for after dinner?”
“Hannah,” hesays directly to me, “am I making you uncomfortable? Is this bothering you?”
C’mon! What am I supposed to say to that? Yes, talking about how broke and unprepared for life I am makes me a little uncomfortable. But who on this planet, when asked directly if they are uncomfortable, admits they are? It’s an impossible question. It forces you to make the other person feel better about invading your personal space.
“It’s fine,” I say. “Really.”
Carl turns to Gabby and Tina. “She says it’s fine.”
“OK, OK,” Tina says. “Who wants more wine?”
Gabby raises her glass. Mine is untouched. “I’m good,” I say.
Tina looks at my plate. “Are you done?” she asks. Everyone else’s plate is fairly clean except for a bite here or there. Mine is empty except for all of the brussels sprouts. “I have a fabulous dessert to bring out.”
I know it’s childish, but I’m honestly worried she will judge me for eating dessert without finishing my vegetables. I start casually eating them quickly. “Sounds great,” I say between bites. “I’m almost done.”
Tina leaves and heads into the kitchen. Carl has started to ask Mark how the dental practice is going when Tina calls for Carl to help her get another bottle of wine open.
“I’m sorry my dad is hounding you,” Gabby says once both Carl and Tina are out of earshot.
I take the last of the brussels sprouts on my fork and cram them into my mouth. I chew quickly and swallow them down. “It’s fine,” I say. “I’m much less worried about your dad’s questions than I am about your mom’s judgment if I don’t finish my vegetables.”
Gabby laughs. “You’re right to be worried.”
Mark joins in. “One time, I didn’t put any of her cooked carrots on my plate, and she pulled me aside later and asked if I was at all concerned about a vitamin A deficiency.”
I take another sip of my water. I may have overshot it with the brussels sprouts. My stomach is starting to feel bloated and nauseated.
“I shouldn’t
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