Maya And The Tough Guy by Carter Ashby Page A

likes me a little too much.”
    Kellen leaned back. “Ah. Did he tell you, or did you just figure it out?”
    “A little of both. He says it’s no big deal and we should just pretend like nothing’s going on.”
    “Do you have feelings for him?”
    “Jayce? No way. I barely know him.”
    Kellen was quiet as he studied her. “It’s too soon, anyway, isn’t it? To date?”
    “Oh, God. Way too soon. I’m thinking I’ll date in fifteen or twenty years. For now, I’ve got kids to raise and a life to start living. I just wish I didn’t want…”
    “Want what?”
    She sighed, not sure she could explain it. “Want a man.”
    Kellen wisely waited.
    She fidgeted with her hands in her lap. “Damon and I had some good times early on, early before I realized what a fool I was for not seeing the monster I’d married for what he was. And since that realization I’ve been really, really…lonely. It got to where the only way he touched me was with anger. Sex was like that, too. He did it in anger. He hurt me. Raped me. Then he’d spit on me and tell me how unsatisfying my body was.” She choked back a sob.  
    “Jesus,” Kellen whispered.  
    She jerked her eyes up to his. “Crap, I’m sorry, Kellen. Sometimes I just forget to filter—”
    “You never have to apologize for talking about this with me,” he said, reaching out to cover her hands with his. “I just still find it all so shocking, you know? I mean, I’ve been on the receiving end of his fists myself, but it’s hard to hear about the monstrous things he did to you. Makes me so angry that I couldn’t help you sooner.”
    Maya quickly shoved the bad feelings back in their box where they belonged. “You can’t help when you don’t know there’s a problem. You can’t know there’s a problem if the victim doesn’t speak out. That’s on me, Kellen.”
    He kissed her on the cheek. “So are you worried that, because of what he did to you, you’ll never have…sexual…feelings for a man again?”
    She breathed deeply. “No. I’m worried that people will think I’m a whore because I have sexual feelings for a man. Is…is it wrong that I want to have sex?”
    To his credit, he didn’t recoil from the question. He kept a neutral expression and placed a hand over hers. “Have you talked to your therapist about this?”
    She took in a breath. “A little. I’m just afraid maybe there’s something wrong with me for wanting something that was used as a weapon against me all those years.”
    Kellen swallowed and blushed. “Uh, again…talk to your therapist. It always makes you feel better. But for now, why don’t you focus on, you know, self-pleasure. You know, finding yourself and all that.” He actually let out a nervous laugh. “Sorry, Maya, we’ve ventured into uncomfortable territory.”
    “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
    “Hey. I’m glad you did and I always want you to feel like you can talk to me. I can tell you beyond   a shadow of a doubt that there’s nothing wrong with the way you feel. I’m just a little at a loss as to how to offer helpful suggestions. I think taking control of those feelings and knowing that you have a right to gratify them however you want to is probably important. Don’t let the guilt keep you from taking something that you need.”
    She nodded. It sounded like a good place to start. She’d been hesitantly taking those steps anyway, it was just nice to have the voice of someone she respected giving her permission. Suddenly she laughed. “Zoey gave me that vibrator for Christmas. I named it Mitch and am always joking about it with the girls. But I’ve never used it.”
    “Mitch is probably your best bet for a lover, right now. He won’t talk back. He doesn’t have needs. You can do whatever you want to him.”
    She giggled. “That’s what kind of man I want. One who will just follow orders.” She sighed, knowing such a thing didn’t exist, and knowing that she couldn’t