to try to do this all by yourself.”
Once more she looked like a trapped rabbit, scared and unsure. There was nothing cute about it this time, though, and Austin felt like an asshole. He waited patiently but got no response.
Chapter Fourteen
‡
L eah knew he was right, of course, but she had no idea what to do about it. It seemed daunting, a near-Herculean task, to raise a baby on her own. She knew she’d find a way, of course, but the details were…sketchy at best. Both her parents worked and so they couldn’t provide child care while Leah was working herself. And just the thought of burdening her parents again made her stomach turn. The baby could share her room but she couldn’t afford a car seat or a car to put it in.
“Leah?”
She stood up suddenly, lurching to her feet. “I don’t feel well,” she said, which was true enough. “I need to go home and lie down.”
He frowned and for a moment she thought he would argue, push the issue, but he simply opened his wallet and left some cash for their drinks and guided her to the street and into the truck. She put her head against the cool glass, which did nothing to slow the whirlwind of her thoughts, but felt nice in the summer sun.
He left her alone on the drive back, which she fully appreciated. There was only the hum of the air conditioner and the sound of midday traffic. It felt oppressive, though, this relative silence. Each second that ticked by felt heavier, more urgent. She flipped the plastic vent so that the blast of cold air was directed right onto her skin but she thought the resulting goosebumps might have been from something else altogether.
Like the air before a lightning strike.
She had the door open before he even came to a complete stop in the empty space in front of her apartment.
“Leah!” he shouted as her feet hit the pavement.
She slammed the door, harder than she meant to, and wanted to call out a word of apology but it got stuck in her throat like a slimy, thick frog. She heard his door open and picked up speed, heart pounding in her chest. She wasn’t afraid of Austin, specifically, only in general, in the way he saw her and their situation, in the way he wanted action when she was paralyzed and couldn’t take any.
She moved quickly, as though putting some distance between them would allow her to breathe again. She just needed one minute, just one, to think. When she reached the door, she sighed in relief as the knob turned easily. She ducked inside and slammed it behind her, shutting him out, along with the rest of the world, putting a solid wall between herself and all her problems, just for a second.
She leaned against the frame, eyes closed, and waited on the other side, taking each breath as it came and letting it out slowly. She listened for bootfalls on the concrete walkway. Seconds passed, half a minute. Silence. The knock finally came softly and she’d been expecting it. She braced herself against the door, to keep him out, just for one more minute, one more second, one more moment of a life that was hers and hers alone…and the baby growing inside her.
Her hand rubbed along the jutting bones of her hips, crossing the softer flesh as though she could feel him there. Or her. Him or her. It made no difference. Just that a baby, a life, existed at all where there wasn’t supposed to be one was more than enough to satisfy her.
Austin knocked again. “Leah,” he said, his voice just as quiet as his knuckles on the door, like he knew she was there, too.
She sighed, opened her eyes, and pushed herself away from the door. Turning, she twisted the knob and pulled.
He stood in front of her, looking as good as he had that night. But Leah knew him for the snake he was. He’d bitten her once. He’d do it again. “What are we going to do, Leah?”
She pressed her lips together because she didn’t have an answer.
“I can’t stay any longer,” he told her. “And we both know you need more than just a check once
Once more she looked like a trapped rabbit, scared and unsure. There was nothing cute about it this time, though, and Austin felt like an asshole. He waited patiently but got no response.
Chapter Fourteen
‡
L eah knew he was right, of course, but she had no idea what to do about it. It seemed daunting, a near-Herculean task, to raise a baby on her own. She knew she’d find a way, of course, but the details were…sketchy at best. Both her parents worked and so they couldn’t provide child care while Leah was working herself. And just the thought of burdening her parents again made her stomach turn. The baby could share her room but she couldn’t afford a car seat or a car to put it in.
“Leah?”
She stood up suddenly, lurching to her feet. “I don’t feel well,” she said, which was true enough. “I need to go home and lie down.”
He frowned and for a moment she thought he would argue, push the issue, but he simply opened his wallet and left some cash for their drinks and guided her to the street and into the truck. She put her head against the cool glass, which did nothing to slow the whirlwind of her thoughts, but felt nice in the summer sun.
He left her alone on the drive back, which she fully appreciated. There was only the hum of the air conditioner and the sound of midday traffic. It felt oppressive, though, this relative silence. Each second that ticked by felt heavier, more urgent. She flipped the plastic vent so that the blast of cold air was directed right onto her skin but she thought the resulting goosebumps might have been from something else altogether.
Like the air before a lightning strike.
She had the door open before he even came to a complete stop in the empty space in front of her apartment.
“Leah!” he shouted as her feet hit the pavement.
She slammed the door, harder than she meant to, and wanted to call out a word of apology but it got stuck in her throat like a slimy, thick frog. She heard his door open and picked up speed, heart pounding in her chest. She wasn’t afraid of Austin, specifically, only in general, in the way he saw her and their situation, in the way he wanted action when she was paralyzed and couldn’t take any.
She moved quickly, as though putting some distance between them would allow her to breathe again. She just needed one minute, just one, to think. When she reached the door, she sighed in relief as the knob turned easily. She ducked inside and slammed it behind her, shutting him out, along with the rest of the world, putting a solid wall between herself and all her problems, just for a second.
She leaned against the frame, eyes closed, and waited on the other side, taking each breath as it came and letting it out slowly. She listened for bootfalls on the concrete walkway. Seconds passed, half a minute. Silence. The knock finally came softly and she’d been expecting it. She braced herself against the door, to keep him out, just for one more minute, one more second, one more moment of a life that was hers and hers alone…and the baby growing inside her.
Her hand rubbed along the jutting bones of her hips, crossing the softer flesh as though she could feel him there. Or her. Him or her. It made no difference. Just that a baby, a life, existed at all where there wasn’t supposed to be one was more than enough to satisfy her.
Austin knocked again. “Leah,” he said, his voice just as quiet as his knuckles on the door, like he knew she was there, too.
She sighed, opened her eyes, and pushed herself away from the door. Turning, she twisted the knob and pulled.
He stood in front of her, looking as good as he had that night. But Leah knew him for the snake he was. He’d bitten her once. He’d do it again. “What are we going to do, Leah?”
She pressed her lips together because she didn’t have an answer.
“I can’t stay any longer,” he told her. “And we both know you need more than just a check once
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