conspiratorially. “The monks hated that.”
“The way you talk, it sounds like they just didn’t like you.”
Mathieu paused for a moment. “There were issues.”
Marcus waited for more information but there was only a long moment of uncomfortable silence. Finally he cleared his throat and spoke the words he’d been rolling around in his head for the past day. “Listen, I’m worried. We’re going into something dangerous and I’m worried that we can’t count on you to hold yourself together.”
Clear, brown eyes met his. Mathieu nodded and waited for him to continue. “I mean you’re fine now, but you weren’t fine earlier tonight. You were fine this afternoon but you sure as Hell weren’t fine first thing this morning.”
“I’m fine now because I’m in this room and behind not only my wards but the house’s wards.” Mathieu sat on the edge of the bed and picked up the cat. It molded itself into his lap and purred thunderously. “If I were outside, I’d more than likely be raving by now. Or worse.” He shuddered.
“You can’t stay hidden forever.” Marcus was exhausted and the room’s strange dead feeling was starting to annoy him, anger him.
“I tried but you and your friends wouldn’t let me.” Mathieu gave him the oddest look and then closed his eyes and breathed deeply. After a moment he opened his eyes again. “Strong emotions like what you’re feeling right now are… difficult. The more people, the stronger their emotions and the harder it is for me to focus. With many people, not only do I have problems with the emotions, but then I have the concern that I might attract attention from things I’d rather not.”
“You’re going to have to pull it together and deal with it. I don’t know what else to tell you.” Marcus suddenly dropped to the edge of the bed next to Mathieu, frowning at the visible flinch the other man gave at the movement. He chose to ignore it and kept speaking. “I have a good group of people, a good circle. They’re looking to me for protection and guidance and I’m not going to let anything happen to them. That includes protecting them from you if you break. Which I think you will.”
“I don’t know if I will or won’t, to be completely honest with you. I lack an anchor.” Mathieu had been shifting his position away from Marcus in slow, stealthy motions during their conversation. Now he stopped and gave Marcus a strange look as he continued, “When I was bound to Gadreel—as repugnant as that was--I had something to hold me steady. Now that he is gone I am adrift on currents I can’t navigate. I discovered quickly enough that the best way is to avoid the currents altogether—avoid humanity.”
“You can’t avoid us forever.” Marcus leaned forward, eyes narrowed as a thought suddenly occurred to him. “Do you miss Gadreel?”
Mathieu raised a hand away from the cat in his lap and ignored the sleepy protest the animal made as he brushed a dark lock of hair from his face. “I do not miss
him.
I think I miss the stability he gave me. I do still find myself searching for him sometimes, almost like feeling for a lost tooth with my tongue. But I don’t miss him or the things that he did.” He looked down at the cat and spoke again. “I will not be a burden to you, and I am not a threat. It may shock you but I still have a small measure of pride left to me. That miniscule shred will not allow me to be forsworn.”
Marcus shook his head and then stood, this time slowly as to not alarm the other man. “We’ll have to see, I suppose. Tomorrow I have to get you through two airports, a transatlantic flight and security with a fake passport in a post 9-11 world. I’m going to bed. You should get some rest too.”
He walked to the door, patted his pocket and then pulled out a small digital camera. “Damn. Nearly forgot. I need to get a picture so that they can cook up that passport for you tonight.”
Mathieu nodded, gently placing the
“The way you talk, it sounds like they just didn’t like you.”
Mathieu paused for a moment. “There were issues.”
Marcus waited for more information but there was only a long moment of uncomfortable silence. Finally he cleared his throat and spoke the words he’d been rolling around in his head for the past day. “Listen, I’m worried. We’re going into something dangerous and I’m worried that we can’t count on you to hold yourself together.”
Clear, brown eyes met his. Mathieu nodded and waited for him to continue. “I mean you’re fine now, but you weren’t fine earlier tonight. You were fine this afternoon but you sure as Hell weren’t fine first thing this morning.”
“I’m fine now because I’m in this room and behind not only my wards but the house’s wards.” Mathieu sat on the edge of the bed and picked up the cat. It molded itself into his lap and purred thunderously. “If I were outside, I’d more than likely be raving by now. Or worse.” He shuddered.
“You can’t stay hidden forever.” Marcus was exhausted and the room’s strange dead feeling was starting to annoy him, anger him.
“I tried but you and your friends wouldn’t let me.” Mathieu gave him the oddest look and then closed his eyes and breathed deeply. After a moment he opened his eyes again. “Strong emotions like what you’re feeling right now are… difficult. The more people, the stronger their emotions and the harder it is for me to focus. With many people, not only do I have problems with the emotions, but then I have the concern that I might attract attention from things I’d rather not.”
“You’re going to have to pull it together and deal with it. I don’t know what else to tell you.” Marcus suddenly dropped to the edge of the bed next to Mathieu, frowning at the visible flinch the other man gave at the movement. He chose to ignore it and kept speaking. “I have a good group of people, a good circle. They’re looking to me for protection and guidance and I’m not going to let anything happen to them. That includes protecting them from you if you break. Which I think you will.”
“I don’t know if I will or won’t, to be completely honest with you. I lack an anchor.” Mathieu had been shifting his position away from Marcus in slow, stealthy motions during their conversation. Now he stopped and gave Marcus a strange look as he continued, “When I was bound to Gadreel—as repugnant as that was--I had something to hold me steady. Now that he is gone I am adrift on currents I can’t navigate. I discovered quickly enough that the best way is to avoid the currents altogether—avoid humanity.”
“You can’t avoid us forever.” Marcus leaned forward, eyes narrowed as a thought suddenly occurred to him. “Do you miss Gadreel?”
Mathieu raised a hand away from the cat in his lap and ignored the sleepy protest the animal made as he brushed a dark lock of hair from his face. “I do not miss
him.
I think I miss the stability he gave me. I do still find myself searching for him sometimes, almost like feeling for a lost tooth with my tongue. But I don’t miss him or the things that he did.” He looked down at the cat and spoke again. “I will not be a burden to you, and I am not a threat. It may shock you but I still have a small measure of pride left to me. That miniscule shred will not allow me to be forsworn.”
Marcus shook his head and then stood, this time slowly as to not alarm the other man. “We’ll have to see, I suppose. Tomorrow I have to get you through two airports, a transatlantic flight and security with a fake passport in a post 9-11 world. I’m going to bed. You should get some rest too.”
He walked to the door, patted his pocket and then pulled out a small digital camera. “Damn. Nearly forgot. I need to get a picture so that they can cook up that passport for you tonight.”
Mathieu nodded, gently placing the
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