Marrying Off Mother by Gerald Durrell Page B

hangs around Mother.’
    â€˜Or the way she hangs around him,’ said Leslie.
    â€˜Nonsense. The man’s a bloody bore. He’s worse than the professor,’ Larry said. ‘Anyway, he’s going soon, thank God.’
    â€˜Well, you mark my words, there’s something fishy going on,’ said Margo. ‘There’s many a trick between cup and glass.’ My sister liked proverbs, but invariably gave her own version of them which tended to be confusing.
    â€˜I saw them walking on the hillside yesterday,’ observed Leslie, ‘and he was plucking flowers for her.’
    â€˜There you are, you see,’ said Margo. ‘Giving flowers to women always means something.’
    â€˜I gave a lot of flowers to a woman once and she wasn’t a bit grateful,’ Larry said.
    â€˜Why wasn’t she? I thought women liked flowers,’ asked Leslie.
    â€˜Not in the form of a wreath,’ explained Larry. ‘As she was dead I suppose one cannot be too harsh in judgement. I’m sure if she’d been alive she would have put them in water.’
    â€˜I do wish you’d take things seriously,’ said Margo.
    â€˜I take wreaths very seriously,’ Larry said. ‘In America they hang them on doors at Christmas. I suppose to remind you how lucky you are not to be underneath them.’
    To our astonishment, Spiro arrived before breakfast the following morning and Antoine, wearing his sombrero, cloak and blue suit, was whisked away, presumably into town. The mystery was explained to us by Mother when we sat down to breakfast.
    â€˜Where’s Antoine gone?’ asked Larry, deftly trepanning a boiled egg. ‘I suppose it’s too much to hope he’s gone for good?’
    â€˜No, dear,’ said Mother placidly, ‘he wanted to do some shopping in town and, anyway, he thought it would save embarrassment if he was not here while I talked to you all.’
    Talked to us? Talked to us about what?’ asked Margo in alarm.
    â€˜You know some time ago you children were suggesting I got married again,’ Mother began, busily pouring out tea and orange juice. ‘Well, at the time I was very annoyed, because, as you know, I said I would never marry again as no man could measure up to your father.’
    We sat as still as four pebbles.
    â€˜I gave the matter considerable thought,’ she continued, ‘and I decided that you, Larry, were right. I think you do need a father to exert discipline and to guide you. Just having me is not enough.’
    We sat as though mesmerized. Mother sipped her tea and put down her cup.
    There are not many choices on Corfu as you know, and I was really at my wits’ end. I thought of the Belgian Consul, but he speaks only French and if he proposed I wouldn’t understand him. I thought of Mr Kralefsky but he’s so devoted to his mother and I doubt whether he’d want to get married. I thought of Colonel Velvit, but I think his interests lie in other directions than ladies. Well, I was almost giving up in despair when Antoine arrived.’
    â€˜Mother!’ exclaimed Margo in horror.
    â€˜Now be quiet, dear, and let me go on. Well, from the word go we were attracted to each other. I don’t suppose you all noticed.’
    â€˜Oh, yes we did,’ said Leslie, ‘bloody breakfast in bed, fawning all over the bastard.’
    â€˜Leslie, dear, I will not have you use that word about your step-father, or one who I hope will become your step-father in due course.’
    â€˜I don’t believe it,’ said Larry. ‘I’ve always said women were half-witted, but not as stupid as that. Marrying Antoine would get you the Nobel Prize for idiocy.’
    â€˜Larry, dear, there’s no need to be rude. Antoine has many fine qualities. And anyway, I’m the one who’s going to marry him, not you.’
    â€˜But you can’t marry him, he’s horrible,’ Margo