Married Woman by Manju Kapur Page B

for now her school and herself were audience enough.

    That summer Astha’s mother announced, ‘I am going to Rishikesh for a month.’
    ‘Why?’ asked Astha.
    ‘Swamiji is giving a course.’
    ‘So? You listen to him here, don’t you?’
    ‘His ashram is by the banks of a river. It will be a different experience.’
    ‘I think you should stay here,’ said Astha uneasily.
    ‘In my stage of life one is free from places. Soon I will be retiring. I have to think of what to do – where to go.’
    ‘You can stay with us‚’ said Astha, who had not learned the futility of making this statement.
    ‘Why don’t you come too?’ asked her mother with equal futility. ‘It will help your headaches.’
    ‘I’m all right‚’ said Astha. She looked at her mother, who was smiling benignly. Astha became suspicious, it was not like her mother to smile, and that too at nothing in particular.
    *
    ‘Ma is going to Rishikesh‚’ said Astha to Hemant that evening.
    ‘Why?’
    ‘She says she is free of places.’
    ‘Very foolish of your mother.’
    ‘Talk to her.’
    ‘I will, as soon as I find the time‚’ said Hemant.
    Which turned out not to be before she left.
    *
    From the banks of the Ganga in Rishikesh Astha’s mother sent her a parcel containing a letter, a commentary on the Gita, and a small booklet entitled The Purpose of Life.
    Dearest daughter,
    How are you?
    The air here is pure, and the scenery is beautiful. Hemant, you and the children should come. I will book a room. Everything is on me. It will do you good to meet Swamiji. He is so wise, just seeing him is satisfaction. He is also asking you to come. Everything is on me.
    I am sending you two books that Swamiji has written. Read them every day. In ourselves alone is peace. Even when we know how difficult it is to change ourselves, still we expect others to change, and are unhappy when our expectations are not met. Remember that. It will help with your headaches also.
    If you were to hear Swamiji you would realise that to keep a relationship going I should ignore the dark side, i.e. weaknesses of a person. Accept without condition if you want to live in peace. Any relationship can be beautiful if you nurture it. In time of difficulty don’t lose heart. Freedom from all complexes is essential. Don’t assert your ego – don’t argue. Employ wisdom to solve the problem. You are committed to ME says Lord Krishna.
    Accommodation and acceptance keep families together. What you cannot change accept gracefully, cheerfully asprasad for the Lord. Create a home where you are. Such a person is free from sorrow. Every understanding requires composed mind. Worst thing in life is anger. Read the Gita, especially chapter xiv.
    With a thousand blessings for a long and happy life,
    Ma
    Astha stared at this communication. Where did these thoughts come from, what was happening to her mother, a helpless widow, with her child too caught up in the web of daily life to go and free her parent from another web. If only Hemant had talked to her mother, but then why should she rely on Hemant every time.
    *
    When the mother came back after her month in Rishikesh, she made it a point to have her stay over often. The mother prowled around, pointing out the wasteful habits of the servants, the dirt in various corners of the house, the children’s thinness and bad eating habits, and Astha’s neglect of her in-laws.
    Reduced to a nervous wreck, Astha took her anger out on the children. ‘Don’t scold them‚’ her mother’s soft voice filtered unctuously through her shouts, making the children behave worse than ever. ‘They are only children.’
    How come, thought Astha resentfully, this thought never occurred when she was young?
    ‘Swamiji has taught me a great deal‚’ continued Astha’s mother, reading into her daughter’s silence. ‘In the old days I was ignorant. Now I know better. If I made mistakes with you, I do not want you to make them with your children. All