me, after she got 24
the diary for her birthday. 25
“Kitty?” I’d raised my eyebrows. “Do you want a friend or 26
a pet?” 27
“I’ll have you know that Kitty is a very American name.” S28
N29
01 I blinked and looked again. Dear Kitty. And then I
02 screamed and dropped the book on the hardwood floor, where
03 it landed with a terrifying thud.
04 “Margie,” Ilsa said, running in. “You look like you’ve seen
05 a ghost, my dear.”
06 I nodded. But I couldn’t speak.
07 She picked up the book, looked at the cover, and then
08 handed it back to me. She clucked her tongue, the same way
09 she had when she’d looked over my shoulder as I’d read the
10 article about the Jewish children being attacked. “I’ve heard
11 about this,” she said. She pulled over a chair and sat down
12 next to me. “Maybe for you,” she said, “who lived through the
13 war over there, it is better not to read these things.” Ilsa
14 seemed to understand vaguely that wartime had been horrific
15 for me, for Jews, in Europe, though she did not ever ask me
16 for specifics. Not that I would have told her, even if she had.
17 That afternoon, I simply closed the book in my lap and
18 nodded.
19 After Ilsa and her husband, Bertram, went to sleep that
20 night, I traced the letters of my sister’s name with my fingers.
21 Then, on the inside page, I did the same with my father’s. My
22 Pim, I thought. He is still alive. I was flooded with joy,
23 and then quickly, uneasiness. He did this, I thought. He
24 published this. For her . And then I felt like I might vomit as
25 I imagined it in my head again and again and again, like always:
26 the last time I saw my sister, on the train. What I did to her.
27 Maybe for you, Ilsa said, it is better not to read these things . . .
28S But I took a deep breath and read the entire book from
29N cover to cover that night. Twice.
According to the book, she was the one Peter kissed. She 01
was the one Peter loved. 02
For a long while after I found the published book, I did not 03
try to find Peter. 04
05
06
I get off the bus at the corners of Olney and Broad streets, not 07
too far from Joshua’s home, but far enough so I cannot see it 08
from here. I think about what Shelby said, about Penny and 09
Joshua spending the weekend at his father’s house, and I won 10
der if she is right. The thought of it, the two of them together, 11
annoys me. I know it shouldn’t, but it does. But I am not here 12
for Joshua, I remind myself. I’m here for Peter. And in my 13
mind I again conjure up the exact color of his eyes: deep and 14
blue and clear as the sea. Then I walk down Olney for a little 15
while, until the numbers turn into the 2000s. 16
2217 Olney Avenue, Apartment 4A, is in a group of tiny 17
brick connected houses. They are European in their styling, 18
not even all that dissimilar from the outside of the Prinsen 19
gracht. “I will never come back here,” Peter said to me as we 20
lay there together on his divan. “After the war, we will go to 21
Philadelphia, City of Brotherly Love. We will be different 22
people, no longer Jews.” 23
Peter promised me we would come here together, though 24
once, when I asked him what if . . . ? What if we could not? 25
What if we were captured? Separated? All things we did not 26
like to speak of. 27
“Shhh,” he’d whispered into my hair. “Do not worry so S28
much. I will find you. I will always find you.” N29
01 Peter said he would find me, and I do not think it would
02 be hard to do this in Philadelphia, if he were looking. Margie
03 Franklin’s phone number is listed, and there have been a few
04 times when I have answered a call, only to hear the sound of
05 heavy breathing on the other end, followed by a slow click.
06 Always, a part of me has wondered if he is here, trying to find
07 me, just like he said he would. But also, I understand now, I
08 can find him. I
the diary for her birthday. 25
“Kitty?” I’d raised my eyebrows. “Do you want a friend or 26
a pet?” 27
“I’ll have you know that Kitty is a very American name.” S28
N29
01 I blinked and looked again. Dear Kitty. And then I
02 screamed and dropped the book on the hardwood floor, where
03 it landed with a terrifying thud.
04 “Margie,” Ilsa said, running in. “You look like you’ve seen
05 a ghost, my dear.”
06 I nodded. But I couldn’t speak.
07 She picked up the book, looked at the cover, and then
08 handed it back to me. She clucked her tongue, the same way
09 she had when she’d looked over my shoulder as I’d read the
10 article about the Jewish children being attacked. “I’ve heard
11 about this,” she said. She pulled over a chair and sat down
12 next to me. “Maybe for you,” she said, “who lived through the
13 war over there, it is better not to read these things.” Ilsa
14 seemed to understand vaguely that wartime had been horrific
15 for me, for Jews, in Europe, though she did not ever ask me
16 for specifics. Not that I would have told her, even if she had.
17 That afternoon, I simply closed the book in my lap and
18 nodded.
19 After Ilsa and her husband, Bertram, went to sleep that
20 night, I traced the letters of my sister’s name with my fingers.
21 Then, on the inside page, I did the same with my father’s. My
22 Pim, I thought. He is still alive. I was flooded with joy,
23 and then quickly, uneasiness. He did this, I thought. He
24 published this. For her . And then I felt like I might vomit as
25 I imagined it in my head again and again and again, like always:
26 the last time I saw my sister, on the train. What I did to her.
27 Maybe for you, Ilsa said, it is better not to read these things . . .
28S But I took a deep breath and read the entire book from
29N cover to cover that night. Twice.
According to the book, she was the one Peter kissed. She 01
was the one Peter loved. 02
For a long while after I found the published book, I did not 03
try to find Peter. 04
05
06
I get off the bus at the corners of Olney and Broad streets, not 07
too far from Joshua’s home, but far enough so I cannot see it 08
from here. I think about what Shelby said, about Penny and 09
Joshua spending the weekend at his father’s house, and I won 10
der if she is right. The thought of it, the two of them together, 11
annoys me. I know it shouldn’t, but it does. But I am not here 12
for Joshua, I remind myself. I’m here for Peter. And in my 13
mind I again conjure up the exact color of his eyes: deep and 14
blue and clear as the sea. Then I walk down Olney for a little 15
while, until the numbers turn into the 2000s. 16
2217 Olney Avenue, Apartment 4A, is in a group of tiny 17
brick connected houses. They are European in their styling, 18
not even all that dissimilar from the outside of the Prinsen 19
gracht. “I will never come back here,” Peter said to me as we 20
lay there together on his divan. “After the war, we will go to 21
Philadelphia, City of Brotherly Love. We will be different 22
people, no longer Jews.” 23
Peter promised me we would come here together, though 24
once, when I asked him what if . . . ? What if we could not? 25
What if we were captured? Separated? All things we did not 26
like to speak of. 27
“Shhh,” he’d whispered into my hair. “Do not worry so S28
much. I will find you. I will always find you.” N29
01 Peter said he would find me, and I do not think it would
02 be hard to do this in Philadelphia, if he were looking. Margie
03 Franklin’s phone number is listed, and there have been a few
04 times when I have answered a call, only to hear the sound of
05 heavy breathing on the other end, followed by a slow click.
06 Always, a part of me has wondered if he is here, trying to find
07 me, just like he said he would. But also, I understand now, I
08 can find him. I
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