stationary before coming to this decision.
In the end I managed to come up with three full sentences that seemed sincere to me, but that didn’t reveal anything about my true thoughts and feelings. I didn’t dare to commit to paper my wish that Mother would reply and would tell me how she was. I knew very well that this wish wouldn’t come true.
Auntie had also finished her letter. She stood up from her seat and opened the door to the barn.
‘I want to show you something, come along.’
I followed Auntie obediently up the stairs, not knowing what she was up to. To my surprise she opened the third door, the one leading to the hayloft, a place where I hardly ever came. Her hand held an oil lantern and she quickly lit it. The little flame lit up the dark room with whimsical shadows and Auntie’s long shadow followed her as she walked to one side of the hayloft. I stayed as close to her as I could and tried not to touch anything. Everything was dusty and I knew there would be big spiders here. Probably mice too, and who knows what else.
‘Ah, that’s where it’ll be.’ Auntie moved a few steps to the left and gave me the lantern. ‘Would you hold the light for me, please?’
I stooped over and the light fell over a large sheet that covered some lumpy objects. With one jerk Auntie removed the sheet and I sneezed because of the sudden dust cloud that reached my nose. I sneezed again and only then did I see what Auntie had uncovered.
‘A cradle,’ I whispered in surprise.
I came closer and put my fingers on the beautifully entwined wicker.
‘I didn’t know you had one.’
‘This was your own cradle once.’
‘Oh.’
‘Your father was simply overjoyed with your mother’s pregnancy. He worked on this cradle for weeks without Anna knowing about it. It was such a surprise for her.’
I felt a lump in my throat. My father. He had made this for me and together with my mother he had placed me in it. My father. Even if I closed my eyes, I couldn’t remember him, only his curly hair and the warmth of his voice. But were these really memories or wishful thinking?
‘Come, let’s bring it down.’
Auntie gave a tug and with a creaking sound the cradle slid across the floor.
‘I’ll help you.’
When we were in the kitchen I could have a good look at the cradle. Father had twined the dark and light wicker alternately and it had created a beautiful pattern.
‘We’ll have to give it a good scrub,’ said Auntie, ‘and we’ll make a new little canopy and some new bedding.’
I looked again and I saw her beaming.
‘That’s why I wanted you to see it. Tomorrow, at the market, I’m going to buy fabric for it, what do you think?’
‘But there is still bedding in it.’
‘It’s old and discolored. Or do you like it?’
No, it wasn’t beautiful at all, but that was no reason for Auntie to go and spend money for the sake of me and my…
My thoughts halted before I dared to think the word. But then I allowed the thought. Child. My child.
A cradle for my child.
‘I have some money left from the journey,’ I suddenly remembered.
It looked like Auntie first meant to protest, but then she nodded. ‘That’s good. You can give it to me, and I’ll find something nice.
She took two mugs and poured us our some coffee. Then she took her loaf tin and walked to the table.
‘Come, sit down for a bite.’
We sat down beside each other, so we could both look at the cradle.
‘What color would you like?’
‘I haven’t thought about it. What color would go with a baby?’
‘Any color is good, as long as it isn’t black.’
I nodded. ‘As long as it isn’t black.’
I went to bed and fell asleep with one hand on my stomach as it changed shape with the child’s movements inside. I could almost imagine that the child was calling to me and wanted to know me.
I had picked flowers for Mother, pretty yellow and red ones. I held the little bunch tightly in my hands. The stems were already starting
In the end I managed to come up with three full sentences that seemed sincere to me, but that didn’t reveal anything about my true thoughts and feelings. I didn’t dare to commit to paper my wish that Mother would reply and would tell me how she was. I knew very well that this wish wouldn’t come true.
Auntie had also finished her letter. She stood up from her seat and opened the door to the barn.
‘I want to show you something, come along.’
I followed Auntie obediently up the stairs, not knowing what she was up to. To my surprise she opened the third door, the one leading to the hayloft, a place where I hardly ever came. Her hand held an oil lantern and she quickly lit it. The little flame lit up the dark room with whimsical shadows and Auntie’s long shadow followed her as she walked to one side of the hayloft. I stayed as close to her as I could and tried not to touch anything. Everything was dusty and I knew there would be big spiders here. Probably mice too, and who knows what else.
‘Ah, that’s where it’ll be.’ Auntie moved a few steps to the left and gave me the lantern. ‘Would you hold the light for me, please?’
I stooped over and the light fell over a large sheet that covered some lumpy objects. With one jerk Auntie removed the sheet and I sneezed because of the sudden dust cloud that reached my nose. I sneezed again and only then did I see what Auntie had uncovered.
‘A cradle,’ I whispered in surprise.
I came closer and put my fingers on the beautifully entwined wicker.
‘I didn’t know you had one.’
‘This was your own cradle once.’
‘Oh.’
‘Your father was simply overjoyed with your mother’s pregnancy. He worked on this cradle for weeks without Anna knowing about it. It was such a surprise for her.’
I felt a lump in my throat. My father. He had made this for me and together with my mother he had placed me in it. My father. Even if I closed my eyes, I couldn’t remember him, only his curly hair and the warmth of his voice. But were these really memories or wishful thinking?
‘Come, let’s bring it down.’
Auntie gave a tug and with a creaking sound the cradle slid across the floor.
‘I’ll help you.’
When we were in the kitchen I could have a good look at the cradle. Father had twined the dark and light wicker alternately and it had created a beautiful pattern.
‘We’ll have to give it a good scrub,’ said Auntie, ‘and we’ll make a new little canopy and some new bedding.’
I looked again and I saw her beaming.
‘That’s why I wanted you to see it. Tomorrow, at the market, I’m going to buy fabric for it, what do you think?’
‘But there is still bedding in it.’
‘It’s old and discolored. Or do you like it?’
No, it wasn’t beautiful at all, but that was no reason for Auntie to go and spend money for the sake of me and my…
My thoughts halted before I dared to think the word. But then I allowed the thought. Child. My child.
A cradle for my child.
‘I have some money left from the journey,’ I suddenly remembered.
It looked like Auntie first meant to protest, but then she nodded. ‘That’s good. You can give it to me, and I’ll find something nice.
She took two mugs and poured us our some coffee. Then she took her loaf tin and walked to the table.
‘Come, sit down for a bite.’
We sat down beside each other, so we could both look at the cradle.
‘What color would you like?’
‘I haven’t thought about it. What color would go with a baby?’
‘Any color is good, as long as it isn’t black.’
I nodded. ‘As long as it isn’t black.’
I went to bed and fell asleep with one hand on my stomach as it changed shape with the child’s movements inside. I could almost imagine that the child was calling to me and wanted to know me.
I had picked flowers for Mother, pretty yellow and red ones. I held the little bunch tightly in my hands. The stems were already starting
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