her and my daughter to that show.”
“I know,” Theo said. “It was the happiest day of Maddox’s life. She remembered how you bought the magnet for her and put it in her hand and curled her fingers around it. It was tender, the way you did it, she said, very loving.”
I gave the magnet a quick glance but didn’t touch it. “Obviously, she told you that she lived with us a while.”
He nodded.
“Unfortunately, I had to send her back to her mother,” I told him bluntly, picking up the magnet and turning it slowly in my fingers. “She told lies,” I added. “She cheated on tests, or, at least, she tried to. She stole.”
And that was not the worst of it,
I thought.
All this appeared to surprise Theo, so I suspected he’d been taken in by Maddox, fallen for whatever character she’d created in order to manipulate him. She’d tried to do the same with me, but by then I’d seen how dangerous she was and had acted accordingly.
“And so I sent her back,” I said. “I’m sure that’s what she wanted all along.”
Theo was silent for a moment before he said, “No, she wanted to stay.”
Perhaps at the very end, Maddox truly had wanted to stay with us,
I thought. But if so, that only meant she’d have done whatever she had to do to accomplish that goal. In fact, I decided, that might well have been the reason she’d done what she’d done that night in the subway station.
“She was capable of anything,” I told Theo resolutely.
At that point, I actually considered telling Theo the whole story, but then found that I couldn’t.
After a moment, Theo nodded toward the refrigerator magnet. “Anyway,” he said, “It’s yours now.”
“What are you supposed to do with it?” Janice asked when I showed her the
Beauty and the Beast
refrigerator magnet. She made her well-known and purposely exaggerated trembling notion. “It feels like somekind of … accusation.”
Suddenly it all became clear. “It’s Maddox’s way of giving me the finger just one last time,” I said. “Making me feel guilty for sending her back. But she was the one who made it impossible for her to become a part of our family.” I shook my head vehemently. “So, I’m just going to stop thinking about her.”
I wanted to do just that, but I couldn’t.
Why? Because for me, it had never been “to be or not to be, that is the question.” It was what a human being learned or failed to learn while on this earth. For that reason, I couldn’t help but wonder if Maddox had ever acknowledged in the least what I’d hoped to do for her by bringing her into my family, or if she had accepted the slightest responsibility for the fact that I’d had to abandon that effort. With Maddox dead, how could I pursue such an inquiry? Where could I look for clues? The answer was bleak but simple, and so the very next day I took the train up to the Bronx.
Maddox had lived in one of the older buildings on the Grand Concourse. I’d gotten the address from Detective O’Brien, who’d clearly had more important things on his mind, a girl who’d starved herself to death no longer of much note.
Theo was in the courtyard when I arrived. He was clearly surprised to see me.
“Have you rented out Maddox’s apartment yet?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“Would you mind letting me see it?”
“No,” Theo answered casually.
He snapped a key from the dangling mass that hung on a metal ring from his belt. “They’re coming to clear out her stuff tomorrow.”
“Did she have a diary, anything like that? Letters?”
He shook his head. “Maddox didn’t have much of anything.”
This was certainly true. She’d lived sparely, to say the least. In fact, from the drab hand-me-down nature of the furnishings, I gathered that she’d picked up most of what she owned from the street. In the kitchen I found chipped plates. In the bedroom I found a mattress without abed, along with a sprawl of sheets and towels. When she’d lived with us,
“I know,” Theo said. “It was the happiest day of Maddox’s life. She remembered how you bought the magnet for her and put it in her hand and curled her fingers around it. It was tender, the way you did it, she said, very loving.”
I gave the magnet a quick glance but didn’t touch it. “Obviously, she told you that she lived with us a while.”
He nodded.
“Unfortunately, I had to send her back to her mother,” I told him bluntly, picking up the magnet and turning it slowly in my fingers. “She told lies,” I added. “She cheated on tests, or, at least, she tried to. She stole.”
And that was not the worst of it,
I thought.
All this appeared to surprise Theo, so I suspected he’d been taken in by Maddox, fallen for whatever character she’d created in order to manipulate him. She’d tried to do the same with me, but by then I’d seen how dangerous she was and had acted accordingly.
“And so I sent her back,” I said. “I’m sure that’s what she wanted all along.”
Theo was silent for a moment before he said, “No, she wanted to stay.”
Perhaps at the very end, Maddox truly had wanted to stay with us,
I thought. But if so, that only meant she’d have done whatever she had to do to accomplish that goal. In fact, I decided, that might well have been the reason she’d done what she’d done that night in the subway station.
“She was capable of anything,” I told Theo resolutely.
At that point, I actually considered telling Theo the whole story, but then found that I couldn’t.
After a moment, Theo nodded toward the refrigerator magnet. “Anyway,” he said, “It’s yours now.”
“What are you supposed to do with it?” Janice asked when I showed her the
Beauty and the Beast
refrigerator magnet. She made her well-known and purposely exaggerated trembling notion. “It feels like somekind of … accusation.”
Suddenly it all became clear. “It’s Maddox’s way of giving me the finger just one last time,” I said. “Making me feel guilty for sending her back. But she was the one who made it impossible for her to become a part of our family.” I shook my head vehemently. “So, I’m just going to stop thinking about her.”
I wanted to do just that, but I couldn’t.
Why? Because for me, it had never been “to be or not to be, that is the question.” It was what a human being learned or failed to learn while on this earth. For that reason, I couldn’t help but wonder if Maddox had ever acknowledged in the least what I’d hoped to do for her by bringing her into my family, or if she had accepted the slightest responsibility for the fact that I’d had to abandon that effort. With Maddox dead, how could I pursue such an inquiry? Where could I look for clues? The answer was bleak but simple, and so the very next day I took the train up to the Bronx.
Maddox had lived in one of the older buildings on the Grand Concourse. I’d gotten the address from Detective O’Brien, who’d clearly had more important things on his mind, a girl who’d starved herself to death no longer of much note.
Theo was in the courtyard when I arrived. He was clearly surprised to see me.
“Have you rented out Maddox’s apartment yet?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“Would you mind letting me see it?”
“No,” Theo answered casually.
He snapped a key from the dangling mass that hung on a metal ring from his belt. “They’re coming to clear out her stuff tomorrow.”
“Did she have a diary, anything like that? Letters?”
He shook his head. “Maddox didn’t have much of anything.”
This was certainly true. She’d lived sparely, to say the least. In fact, from the drab hand-me-down nature of the furnishings, I gathered that she’d picked up most of what she owned from the street. In the kitchen I found chipped plates. In the bedroom I found a mattress without abed, along with a sprawl of sheets and towels. When she’d lived with us,
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