Apparently, today is no exception. My own anger builds quickly, and my refusal to be walked over again burns bright in the forefront of my mind. I will never let another man tell me what to do or be controlled. Ever. Including Travis. The initial shock of seeing him had me pliant, but not anymore. I vowed to be stronger.
Standing on the rock makes me taller than him, and I use that to my advantage. I plant my feet, put my left hand on my hip, and point down at him with my right, much like a parent scolding a child.
“Excuse me? What’s wrong with me ?” Instead of letting him answer, I continue with my rant, “I’m an adult , Travis. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”
“Do you have any idea what could happen to you? Your decision, as you like to call it, is stupid.” He has sincerity in his voice, which makes me feel bad for a moment, but that’s quickly ruined when he calls me stupid.
“I’m fine. Nobody ever comes over here. And I don’t appreciate being called stupid, you asshole.” I cross my arms and rub away the chill that’s hit them, but refuse to look away from his eyes, which now reflect confusion.
“What happened to you?” His voice a mere whisper as he sees right through this fake persona I’m trying to play off. I’m a very non-confrontational person, and yelling at someone and calling them names makes me feel like a bully. This is not me, and he knows it.
Instead of answering, I turn away from his questioning gaze and sit back down to watch the rest of the sunset. He curses, and I hold my breath when his booted feet hit the rock and land on either side of me. Strong arms wrap around from behind, and warm, minty breath fans the side of my face. I cherish the security he brings and lean into him.
When the sun makes its final descent, I decide to answer his question.
“After I left that summer, I made a promise to myself I would come back when I graduated high school. I wanted to believe you and I were meant to be together, that my lying to you didn’t ruin what we felt for each other. I’m so ashamed I lied to you. I want you to know how sorry I am for that.” Turning my head, I make sure he sees the truthfulness on my face. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know, sweetheart.” He kisses my cheek, and I turn in his arms so I can rest my head on his chest.
“My dad had a heart attack. He was washing the car in the driveway and collapsed. We don’t know how long he was laying there before my mom found him. It could have been an hour or five minutes, but the agony in her cry… I didn't even have to see to know what was going on.” I wipe an unchecked tear that rolls down my cheek. “The look on her face when the doctor came to talk to us will be burned into my memory forever. It was like her soul left her body. She was a shell, empty and lifeless. I had to do everything, Travis.”
“What do you mean everything?”
“Everything. I planned the funeral, did the laundry, paid the bills, grocery shopped, cooked, did all the yard work. I had to get two jobs to help make ends meet.”
“Why didn’t you call me? Christ, Char, I would have dropped anything to be there for you.” The fury in his voice makes me flinch. His brows furrow together, and his cool finger makes a path down the side of my face. “Don’t. Don’t you ever be scared of me. I’d never hurt you, you know that. I’m mad you felt like you were alone.” I lift my head, and he assesses me, looking for more. “If not me, why not your family?”
“I didn't want that. I didn't want anyone to drop anything for me. She was my mom, my responsibility. I already put you at risk by lying about my age. There’s no way I would have had you drop out of the academy to help me take care of her. I guess it was the same for my family. Mom refused to talk to them, and I didn't want to burden anyone else. I ran interference and played everything off the best I could.”
“But–” I cut him off
Standing on the rock makes me taller than him, and I use that to my advantage. I plant my feet, put my left hand on my hip, and point down at him with my right, much like a parent scolding a child.
“Excuse me? What’s wrong with me ?” Instead of letting him answer, I continue with my rant, “I’m an adult , Travis. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”
“Do you have any idea what could happen to you? Your decision, as you like to call it, is stupid.” He has sincerity in his voice, which makes me feel bad for a moment, but that’s quickly ruined when he calls me stupid.
“I’m fine. Nobody ever comes over here. And I don’t appreciate being called stupid, you asshole.” I cross my arms and rub away the chill that’s hit them, but refuse to look away from his eyes, which now reflect confusion.
“What happened to you?” His voice a mere whisper as he sees right through this fake persona I’m trying to play off. I’m a very non-confrontational person, and yelling at someone and calling them names makes me feel like a bully. This is not me, and he knows it.
Instead of answering, I turn away from his questioning gaze and sit back down to watch the rest of the sunset. He curses, and I hold my breath when his booted feet hit the rock and land on either side of me. Strong arms wrap around from behind, and warm, minty breath fans the side of my face. I cherish the security he brings and lean into him.
When the sun makes its final descent, I decide to answer his question.
“After I left that summer, I made a promise to myself I would come back when I graduated high school. I wanted to believe you and I were meant to be together, that my lying to you didn’t ruin what we felt for each other. I’m so ashamed I lied to you. I want you to know how sorry I am for that.” Turning my head, I make sure he sees the truthfulness on my face. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know, sweetheart.” He kisses my cheek, and I turn in his arms so I can rest my head on his chest.
“My dad had a heart attack. He was washing the car in the driveway and collapsed. We don’t know how long he was laying there before my mom found him. It could have been an hour or five minutes, but the agony in her cry… I didn't even have to see to know what was going on.” I wipe an unchecked tear that rolls down my cheek. “The look on her face when the doctor came to talk to us will be burned into my memory forever. It was like her soul left her body. She was a shell, empty and lifeless. I had to do everything, Travis.”
“What do you mean everything?”
“Everything. I planned the funeral, did the laundry, paid the bills, grocery shopped, cooked, did all the yard work. I had to get two jobs to help make ends meet.”
“Why didn’t you call me? Christ, Char, I would have dropped anything to be there for you.” The fury in his voice makes me flinch. His brows furrow together, and his cool finger makes a path down the side of my face. “Don’t. Don’t you ever be scared of me. I’d never hurt you, you know that. I’m mad you felt like you were alone.” I lift my head, and he assesses me, looking for more. “If not me, why not your family?”
“I didn't want that. I didn't want anyone to drop anything for me. She was my mom, my responsibility. I already put you at risk by lying about my age. There’s no way I would have had you drop out of the academy to help me take care of her. I guess it was the same for my family. Mom refused to talk to them, and I didn't want to burden anyone else. I ran interference and played everything off the best I could.”
“But–” I cut him off
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