looking for something.”
“I just wondered what was up here. I heard a strange noise.”
“Likely it was the sound of your common sense dashing off,” Miss Rashten snapped. “You need to keep from poking around. Do as you’re told.”
“I was afraid it could have been a ghost.”
“No ghosts in this house. If you want to stay here, you’ll keep quiet and behave yourself. And you never, ever mention anything you may have seen or heard up here, or I will tell Master Smollings and you’ll reckon with him. You understand me quite clearly?”
“Yes’m.” I fidgeted. I felt utterly foolish for getting caught, but it was best if Miss Rashten thought me a fool as well.
“You will not come up here again?”
“No.”
“The consequences for trespassing next time will be far, far more severe.” She pointed at the stairs. “Go on with you.”
16
If I seemed preoccupied when I spoke to Hollin, if I shied back when he gave me a compliment, he never called attention to it. I suspected that Smollings’s visit had ruffled him as much as me, although I might not understand all his reasons.
It was wrong for Hollin to lie about his wife, no doubt of that. But I wondered if Hollin might be as much a prisoner as she was. Linza said he had used illegal magic to save her life, the action of a desperate man, not a villain. If Hollin could stand up to Smollings . . . Surely it wasn’t too late to set things right.
I dreaded the performance at Aldren Hall. Hollin told me that the guests would be Lorinar’s elite, and I must let him take the lead. I imagined a vast house full of people who would laugh at me behind gloved hands, and somewhere in the midst of it all I had to find Karstor, a man I had never met, and warn him of Smollings’s plan. The day arrived all too soon. Hollin appeared in the doorway with Linza at his heels.
“Mr. Smollings requested you wear your trousers to Aldren Hall,” he said.
“I thought you had the gown made for my performances!” I didn’t want to appear as Smollings wished, encouraging those rich ladies and gentlemen to gawk.
He frowned. “Well, what am I to tell him?”
“Tell him I have a gown.”
“But you also have trousers.” He nodded for Linza to proceed, while he turned from the door.
Linza gave me a weak smile. Perhaps she feared what I might say with temper rising on my face. “You will look lovely in your mother’s clothes,” she said.
I sighed and flung open my trunk.
She helped me tie the embroidered sash behind my back, over the dancing tunic with the shawl collar that barely touched my shoulders, and “trousers” that buttoned just below my knees like knickers. I let my braids down, and atop my head she placed the only jewelry I had taken from home, a gold-plate circlet of little value. A fan of stiff wire draped with beads rose from the back of it.
“I pin it like this?”
“That’s right. A few pins in back and it will stay.”
I lifted my dark eyes to my mother’s reflection. Oh, I had Aunt Vinya’s nose, of course, but so many vague memories of my mother now sharpened, seeing myself as she had been. I recalled how she would sit in front of the mirror and run color across her lips with a fingertip, how she would let me paw through her jewelry and drape extra bangles on my skinny little-girl arms.
“Are you all right, Miss Nimira? You look like you haven’t slept.”
“I haven’t.”
We exchanged sympathetic expressions in the mirror, but I couldn’t think what more to say.
I wished I could confide in her. I wished I could say that I didn’t want to stand up in front of a crowd in my strange trousers, that I hardly knew who I was anymore, that my mother would be sorely disappointed in me, that Hollin wanted things from me that I wasn’t sure I could give, that I feared I had feelings for Erris I should never have felt, that I would fail to save him. I craved understanding, a gentle touch to my shoulder, a kind word.
Yet, some terrible
“I just wondered what was up here. I heard a strange noise.”
“Likely it was the sound of your common sense dashing off,” Miss Rashten snapped. “You need to keep from poking around. Do as you’re told.”
“I was afraid it could have been a ghost.”
“No ghosts in this house. If you want to stay here, you’ll keep quiet and behave yourself. And you never, ever mention anything you may have seen or heard up here, or I will tell Master Smollings and you’ll reckon with him. You understand me quite clearly?”
“Yes’m.” I fidgeted. I felt utterly foolish for getting caught, but it was best if Miss Rashten thought me a fool as well.
“You will not come up here again?”
“No.”
“The consequences for trespassing next time will be far, far more severe.” She pointed at the stairs. “Go on with you.”
16
If I seemed preoccupied when I spoke to Hollin, if I shied back when he gave me a compliment, he never called attention to it. I suspected that Smollings’s visit had ruffled him as much as me, although I might not understand all his reasons.
It was wrong for Hollin to lie about his wife, no doubt of that. But I wondered if Hollin might be as much a prisoner as she was. Linza said he had used illegal magic to save her life, the action of a desperate man, not a villain. If Hollin could stand up to Smollings . . . Surely it wasn’t too late to set things right.
I dreaded the performance at Aldren Hall. Hollin told me that the guests would be Lorinar’s elite, and I must let him take the lead. I imagined a vast house full of people who would laugh at me behind gloved hands, and somewhere in the midst of it all I had to find Karstor, a man I had never met, and warn him of Smollings’s plan. The day arrived all too soon. Hollin appeared in the doorway with Linza at his heels.
“Mr. Smollings requested you wear your trousers to Aldren Hall,” he said.
“I thought you had the gown made for my performances!” I didn’t want to appear as Smollings wished, encouraging those rich ladies and gentlemen to gawk.
He frowned. “Well, what am I to tell him?”
“Tell him I have a gown.”
“But you also have trousers.” He nodded for Linza to proceed, while he turned from the door.
Linza gave me a weak smile. Perhaps she feared what I might say with temper rising on my face. “You will look lovely in your mother’s clothes,” she said.
I sighed and flung open my trunk.
She helped me tie the embroidered sash behind my back, over the dancing tunic with the shawl collar that barely touched my shoulders, and “trousers” that buttoned just below my knees like knickers. I let my braids down, and atop my head she placed the only jewelry I had taken from home, a gold-plate circlet of little value. A fan of stiff wire draped with beads rose from the back of it.
“I pin it like this?”
“That’s right. A few pins in back and it will stay.”
I lifted my dark eyes to my mother’s reflection. Oh, I had Aunt Vinya’s nose, of course, but so many vague memories of my mother now sharpened, seeing myself as she had been. I recalled how she would sit in front of the mirror and run color across her lips with a fingertip, how she would let me paw through her jewelry and drape extra bangles on my skinny little-girl arms.
“Are you all right, Miss Nimira? You look like you haven’t slept.”
“I haven’t.”
We exchanged sympathetic expressions in the mirror, but I couldn’t think what more to say.
I wished I could confide in her. I wished I could say that I didn’t want to stand up in front of a crowd in my strange trousers, that I hardly knew who I was anymore, that my mother would be sorely disappointed in me, that Hollin wanted things from me that I wasn’t sure I could give, that I feared I had feelings for Erris I should never have felt, that I would fail to save him. I craved understanding, a gentle touch to my shoulder, a kind word.
Yet, some terrible
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