MA08 Myth-Nomers and Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin Page B

friend is probably the worst thing in my life. Why should that bother me?”
    “It shouldn’t,” Kalvin responded innocently, “unless, of course, he’s right. Then I could see why it would bother you.”
    I opened my mouth for an angry retort, then shut it again. I really couldn’t think of anything to say. The Djin had just verbalized my worst fears, ones I didn’t have any answers for.
    “ ... And running away from it won’t help! You’re going to have to face up to it before you’re any good to yourself ... or anyone else, for that matter.”
    Kalvin’s voice came from behind me, and I realized I had picked up my pace again. At the same moment, I saw that he was right. I was trying to run away from the issues, both figuratively and literally. With that knowledge, the fatigue of my mental and physical efforts hit me all at once and I sagged, slowing to a stop on the sidewalk.
    “That’s better. Can we talk now?”
    “Sure. Why not? I feel like getting something in my stomach, anyway.”
    The Djin gave a theatrical wince.
    “Ootch! You mean we’re going to try to find a restaurant again? Remember what happened the last time?”
    In spite of myself I had to smile at his antics.
    “As a matter of fact, I was thinking more on the order of getting something to drink.”
    While I spoke, I was casting about for a bar. One thing about Perv I had noticed, you never seemed to be out of sight of at least one establishment that served alcoholic beverages. This spot proved to be no exception, and now that I was more attuned to my environment, I discovered just such a place right next to where we were standing.
    “This looks like as good a spot as any,” I said, reaching for the door. “C’mon, Kalvin, I’ll buy the first round.”
    It was meant as a joke, because I hadn’t seen the Djin eat or drink anything since I released him from the bottle. He seemed quite agitated at the thought, however, hanging back instead of moving with me.
    “Wait, Skeeve, I don’t think we should ... ”
    I didn’t dally to hear the rest. What the heck, this had been his idea ... sort of. Fighting a sudden wave of irritation, I pushed on into the bar’s interior.
    At first glance, the place looked a little seedy. Also the second and third glances, though it took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim light. It was small, barely big enough to hold the half-dozen tiny tables that crowded the floor. Sagging pictures and clippings adorned the walls, though what they were about specifically I couldn’t tell through the grime obscuring their faces. There was a small bar with stools along one wall, where three tough-looking patrons crouched, hunched forward in conversation with the bartender. They ceased talking and regarded me briefly with cold, unfriendly stares as I surveyed the place, though whether their hostility was because I was a stranger or because I was from off-dimension I wasn’t sure. It did occur to me that I was still wearing my disguise spell business suit which definitely set me apart from the dark, weather-beaten outfits the other patrons wore almost like a uniform. It also occurred to me that this might not be the wisest place to have a quiet drink.
    “I think we should get out of here, Skeeve.”
    I don’t know when Kalvin rejoined me, but he was there hovering at my side again. His words echoed my own thoughts, but sheer snorkiness made me take the opposite stance.
    “Don’t be a snob, Kalvin,” I muttered. “Besides, sitting down for a while was your idea, wasn’t it?
    Before he could answer, I strode to one of the tables and plopped down in a seat, raising one hand to signal the bartender. He ignored it and returned to his conversation with the other drinkers.
    “C’mon, Skeeve. Let’s catch a cab back to the hotel and have our conversation there,” Kalvin said, joining me. “You’re in no frame of mind to start drinking. It’ll only make things worse.”
    He made a lot of sense. Unfortunately,