party,” I say, in an effort to explain my changed behavior.
“You might want to remember that once you get to college.”
“I'll remember,” I say, seeing that he's in lecture mode. I know to be agreeable. The week's been too good to mess it up with an argument this close to home.
“Plus there are rules for athletes on scholarship. All the coaches we met were forthright about that.”
“I'll behave.” All I want is
out of here.
A baby begins to cry somewhere behind us. Dad groans. “I hope someone shuts up that kid. I sure don't want to listen to some screaming brat for another hour.”
I slouch in my seat, think again of my son. He would be close to three by now. I wonder who's raising him. I can hardly believe what happened to me back then. I don't know if I loathe myself or my dad more. I guess myself. I hate this kind of thinking.
I shut off my brain. I finish my beer in one long gulp, slouch in my seat and pull the bill of my ball cap low over my eyes. I pretend to fall asleep while I listen to the crying baby. I'm through talkingto my dad, having him dig through my life like a dog looking for a bone. It's never been easy with him. Finally this week is making a difference. I do not want to screw it up. I know I have an approval addiction, but no one is going to get in my way, especially not a blackmailing rat like Laurie. She can't control me forever.
A PRIL 28
“Her doctor says she has pneumonia.”
Sonya meets me in the hall with a worried look. I stop in my tracks, feeling like the wind's been knocked out of me. “Can't they give her antibiotics?”
“It's viral, so antibiotics won't help. She's really sick, Jeremy.”
“Can I still see her?”
Sonya hands me a mask. “You'll have to wear this in the room.”
I slip the green mask over my nose and mouth and feel claustrophobic. In the room, Analise is covered by an oxygen mask, and signs announce CAUTION! OXYGEN IN USE. FLAMMABLE! She looks pale and small against the white bed-sheets. I take her hand, still curled, clawlike. “Hi, baby.”
Standing on the other side of the bed, Sonyasays, “They're going to send her back over to the hospital. They had to take her off the blood thinners, so she's susceptible to more problems.”
I nod, unable to speak. Her going back to the hospital underscores just how sick she must be.
Sonya says, “Look, I'll leave you two alone.”
I nod again and she slips out of the room, closing the door behind her. Still holding Analise's hand, I ease onto the bed. I like being alone with Analise. I can talk to her freely this way. I tell her everything in my heart, and I know she hears me. “I'm sorry you're sick,” I say. “But the docs will fix you up.” I press my lips to her hand and force myself to be upbeat. “Mark's got a ton of work, and I spend all my free time at his workshop. I wish you could see some of my projects. He wants me to go to community college in the fall and get some business credits. Says that's his weak spot, that he never got into the business and accounting parts, and that if I learn that stuff, maybe I can partner with him someday. I like the idea, because I don't want to live anywhere else except near you. I mean, you'll be out of this coma someday.”
The room is quiet. Sunlight slants through a window and casts my shadow across her body. I want to hold her. “Prom's next week,” I say. “Ithought we'd be going. But I guess not. Amy's got a hot date with some guy she's been chasing— make that stalking—half the year.” I laugh at my own joke. “She says I can come with them, since she knows I won't take anyone but you. Like I care about the stupid prom.”
My parents suggested that maybe I should consider moving on with my life. It made me so mad that I didn't speak to them for days. Mom made peace by going on a baking rampage, making all my favorites, and issuing a big-time apology. “Mom's got a ton of relatives coming for graduation,” I say. “Including Aunt
“You might want to remember that once you get to college.”
“I'll remember,” I say, seeing that he's in lecture mode. I know to be agreeable. The week's been too good to mess it up with an argument this close to home.
“Plus there are rules for athletes on scholarship. All the coaches we met were forthright about that.”
“I'll behave.” All I want is
out of here.
A baby begins to cry somewhere behind us. Dad groans. “I hope someone shuts up that kid. I sure don't want to listen to some screaming brat for another hour.”
I slouch in my seat, think again of my son. He would be close to three by now. I wonder who's raising him. I can hardly believe what happened to me back then. I don't know if I loathe myself or my dad more. I guess myself. I hate this kind of thinking.
I shut off my brain. I finish my beer in one long gulp, slouch in my seat and pull the bill of my ball cap low over my eyes. I pretend to fall asleep while I listen to the crying baby. I'm through talkingto my dad, having him dig through my life like a dog looking for a bone. It's never been easy with him. Finally this week is making a difference. I do not want to screw it up. I know I have an approval addiction, but no one is going to get in my way, especially not a blackmailing rat like Laurie. She can't control me forever.
A PRIL 28
“Her doctor says she has pneumonia.”
Sonya meets me in the hall with a worried look. I stop in my tracks, feeling like the wind's been knocked out of me. “Can't they give her antibiotics?”
“It's viral, so antibiotics won't help. She's really sick, Jeremy.”
“Can I still see her?”
Sonya hands me a mask. “You'll have to wear this in the room.”
I slip the green mask over my nose and mouth and feel claustrophobic. In the room, Analise is covered by an oxygen mask, and signs announce CAUTION! OXYGEN IN USE. FLAMMABLE! She looks pale and small against the white bed-sheets. I take her hand, still curled, clawlike. “Hi, baby.”
Standing on the other side of the bed, Sonyasays, “They're going to send her back over to the hospital. They had to take her off the blood thinners, so she's susceptible to more problems.”
I nod, unable to speak. Her going back to the hospital underscores just how sick she must be.
Sonya says, “Look, I'll leave you two alone.”
I nod again and she slips out of the room, closing the door behind her. Still holding Analise's hand, I ease onto the bed. I like being alone with Analise. I can talk to her freely this way. I tell her everything in my heart, and I know she hears me. “I'm sorry you're sick,” I say. “But the docs will fix you up.” I press my lips to her hand and force myself to be upbeat. “Mark's got a ton of work, and I spend all my free time at his workshop. I wish you could see some of my projects. He wants me to go to community college in the fall and get some business credits. Says that's his weak spot, that he never got into the business and accounting parts, and that if I learn that stuff, maybe I can partner with him someday. I like the idea, because I don't want to live anywhere else except near you. I mean, you'll be out of this coma someday.”
The room is quiet. Sunlight slants through a window and casts my shadow across her body. I want to hold her. “Prom's next week,” I say. “Ithought we'd be going. But I guess not. Amy's got a hot date with some guy she's been chasing— make that stalking—half the year.” I laugh at my own joke. “She says I can come with them, since she knows I won't take anyone but you. Like I care about the stupid prom.”
My parents suggested that maybe I should consider moving on with my life. It made me so mad that I didn't speak to them for days. Mom made peace by going on a baking rampage, making all my favorites, and issuing a big-time apology. “Mom's got a ton of relatives coming for graduation,” I say. “Including Aunt
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