felt for my girls consumed me.
The nurse guided me to a room where I could sit and await my fate. There would be no damn sitting . Just a lot of pacing. I was numb. I was devastated. I was on the verge of losing it. I’d never felt so completely helpless in my life.
I’m not sure how long I was alone in there, but eventually Ross turned up. I can’t tell you how relieved I was to see him. My mum stayed home with the boys. As much as I wanted them with me, this was no place for them right now.
“Dad,” I murmured when he walked through the door. I needed him. I couldn’t face this shit on my own. Not when it came to something as serious as this—my wife … my child. When he pulled me into his arms, I clung to him as though my life depended on it. I needed to draw from some of his strength, because the truth was, I was a fucking mess. The possibility of losing either one of them was unfathomable.
“Any news?” he asked.
I shook my head in reply. Stringing two words together, in that moment, was impossible.
I’m not sure how long we stayed in that room, but it seemed like a damn eternity. Eventually we were put out of our misery when the doctor finally came in to talk with us. The pure relief I felt when I was told both Indi and Eve had survived, and were doing well under the circumstances, was indescribable. Thank-fucking-Christ.
Unfortunately, we weren’t out of the woods yet. Eve was born four weeks premature. She was immediately admitted into the neonatal unit. The nurse led me in to see Indi first. She was understandably upset. She was still in recovery after the emergency caesarean. Indi urged me to leave her to be with our daughter. She hated how she was on her own. To be honest, so did I .
I didn’t like the idea of Indi being alone either, so I was grateful Ross stayed with his daughter while I was taken to see mine. Indiana was just as worried and upset about our little girl as I was.
Nothing has changed between us over the years. I still craved her comfort in that moment, just as much as she did mine. Together, we were unstoppable. She will always be my strength … my rock … my air .
I’ll admit, when I saw how tiny Eve was, I broke down. She was beautiful, but nothing like the healthy, chubby boys Indi had given birth to in the past. I felt an instant love for her nevertheless. If not more so for the predicament she was now facing. She looked so fragile. It tore at my heart. Seeing her like this set off a fiery protectiveness inside me for some reason. In that moment, I knew I was a goner. Like her mum, I’d never be able to deny her anything.
Nothing was ever going to happen to my little princess while she was on my watch. That you could be sure of.
I slid my hand through the opening in the humidicrib, gently placing my finger against the palm of her tiny hand. I needed some contact with her. Anything. I needed her to know she wasn’t alone. When her little fingers clenched around mine, tears clouded my eyes while love and admiration surged in my heart. She was a fighter like her mum. She was going to be okay. She just had to be.
“Daddy’s here, baby girl. Everything’s going to be alright,” I whispered in a reassuring voice. “I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.”
Chapter Two
Carter
For the next few weeks, that was our life. One of us was always by Eve’s side. Indi did the days, and then would go home to be with the boys. I did the night shift. Neither of us wanted our little girl to ever feel alone. Fuck I missed sleeping next to my wife though. We’d never spent so much time apart. I was definitely having withdrawals.
Indiana would breastfeed Eve during the day, and express the milk into bottles for me to give her at night. We were lucky she was only four weeks premature; if she could get through the next few weeks, there was a minimal chance of any complications in the future. The main concern was her lungs and her weight. The nurse
The nurse guided me to a room where I could sit and await my fate. There would be no damn sitting . Just a lot of pacing. I was numb. I was devastated. I was on the verge of losing it. I’d never felt so completely helpless in my life.
I’m not sure how long I was alone in there, but eventually Ross turned up. I can’t tell you how relieved I was to see him. My mum stayed home with the boys. As much as I wanted them with me, this was no place for them right now.
“Dad,” I murmured when he walked through the door. I needed him. I couldn’t face this shit on my own. Not when it came to something as serious as this—my wife … my child. When he pulled me into his arms, I clung to him as though my life depended on it. I needed to draw from some of his strength, because the truth was, I was a fucking mess. The possibility of losing either one of them was unfathomable.
“Any news?” he asked.
I shook my head in reply. Stringing two words together, in that moment, was impossible.
I’m not sure how long we stayed in that room, but it seemed like a damn eternity. Eventually we were put out of our misery when the doctor finally came in to talk with us. The pure relief I felt when I was told both Indi and Eve had survived, and were doing well under the circumstances, was indescribable. Thank-fucking-Christ.
Unfortunately, we weren’t out of the woods yet. Eve was born four weeks premature. She was immediately admitted into the neonatal unit. The nurse led me in to see Indi first. She was understandably upset. She was still in recovery after the emergency caesarean. Indi urged me to leave her to be with our daughter. She hated how she was on her own. To be honest, so did I .
I didn’t like the idea of Indi being alone either, so I was grateful Ross stayed with his daughter while I was taken to see mine. Indiana was just as worried and upset about our little girl as I was.
Nothing has changed between us over the years. I still craved her comfort in that moment, just as much as she did mine. Together, we were unstoppable. She will always be my strength … my rock … my air .
I’ll admit, when I saw how tiny Eve was, I broke down. She was beautiful, but nothing like the healthy, chubby boys Indi had given birth to in the past. I felt an instant love for her nevertheless. If not more so for the predicament she was now facing. She looked so fragile. It tore at my heart. Seeing her like this set off a fiery protectiveness inside me for some reason. In that moment, I knew I was a goner. Like her mum, I’d never be able to deny her anything.
Nothing was ever going to happen to my little princess while she was on my watch. That you could be sure of.
I slid my hand through the opening in the humidicrib, gently placing my finger against the palm of her tiny hand. I needed some contact with her. Anything. I needed her to know she wasn’t alone. When her little fingers clenched around mine, tears clouded my eyes while love and admiration surged in my heart. She was a fighter like her mum. She was going to be okay. She just had to be.
“Daddy’s here, baby girl. Everything’s going to be alright,” I whispered in a reassuring voice. “I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.”
Chapter Two
Carter
For the next few weeks, that was our life. One of us was always by Eve’s side. Indi did the days, and then would go home to be with the boys. I did the night shift. Neither of us wanted our little girl to ever feel alone. Fuck I missed sleeping next to my wife though. We’d never spent so much time apart. I was definitely having withdrawals.
Indiana would breastfeed Eve during the day, and express the milk into bottles for me to give her at night. We were lucky she was only four weeks premature; if she could get through the next few weeks, there was a minimal chance of any complications in the future. The main concern was her lungs and her weight. The nurse
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