woman had somehow deliberately distracted her from thinking about her relationship with Steven and Matthew. Kelsey shook her head. This was why she didn’t give herself much time to think lately. Her mind could come up with the damndest things. Like her friend and sous-chef could be devious enough to keep her from thinking too deeply about her lovers.
Or like trying to convince herself she had fallen in love with the brothers Benedict when they were all only friends—friends with benefits.
* * * *
Kelsey knew her staff was giving her sideways glances. She pretended not to notice, though, as she stayed in the kitchen, supervising what didn’t need supervising.
Sunday buffet was the one event during the week she particularly liked to be visible to her customers. Life in small town Texas was several speeds slower than life in Pennsylvania but never more so than on Sunday. She’d learned early on that folks liked to say hi and chat about the weather or their families. The warm, open, and friendly way of the people of Lusty had eased her jitters when she’d first arrived and had, to a large part, contributed to the final stages of her healing.
Up until an hour ago, she would have affirmed that she had healed. After all, she’d taken on not one, but two lovers. Wasn’t that proof that Kelsey’s out of her long blue funk and back to normal?
Now she knew she’d been lying to herself.
She’d gone out to check the supply of food and to meet and greet neighbors, regulars, and new customers.
Her gaze had landed on a little boy.
He’s about four .
The same age her Sean had been. His soft brown hair looked in need of combing. That and the serious expression on his face as he set about the business of eating his french fries acted like a giant claw tearing at her heart. Sean had eaten with that singular devotion, and he’d eaten slowly, and nothing she could ever do would hurry him up.
Oh, God . Her eyes flashed to the parents of the little one. Neither of them looked familiar to her.
Her gaze caught the attention of another diner, a man who’d been coming in twice a week for the past few weeks, and she nodded absently to him when he seemed to want her attention.
She turned her gaze back to the young family. The look of sheer, absolute, and total devotion on the face of the little guy’s mother twisted that claw around her heart. Her eyes flooded, and she turned, hustled back to the kitchen, then on into the staff washroom.
For long moments, she’d gulped back the tears and the overwhelming grief that at one time had been an ever-present black hole, sucking her in and sucking her deep.
I wish I’d gone into the store with him. Why didn’t I go in? I’d wrap my arms around my baby and keep him safe. Or die with him. I should have died with him. Oh God, why didn’t you let me die with him?
Kelsey splashed cold water on her face, and after a few long minutes, the grief began to ebb. She sat on the closed toilet, her focus on breathing and on trying to gather those emotions back up and stuff them back in their box.
It had been a very long time since she’d had a grief attack. For the first couple of years after she’d buried her husband and her son, they’d come unpredictably, hard, and often. She never would have thought a body could hold so many tears. Then, as time had passed, the moments came less and less often.
Kelsey blinked as she realized this was the first attack she’d had since moving here to Lusty. The first one in more than six months. That wasn’t to say she never thought about her baby. She thought about him at least once, every single day, but, somehow, she’d been able to get through the days, to function, even to laugh.
The best thing to do when the attack hit was to just keep busy. And avoid whatever it was that had triggered it. No, that was something she’d just made up now, but it made perfect sense to her. She’d stay in the kitchen for an hour or so, just until she
Or like trying to convince herself she had fallen in love with the brothers Benedict when they were all only friends—friends with benefits.
* * * *
Kelsey knew her staff was giving her sideways glances. She pretended not to notice, though, as she stayed in the kitchen, supervising what didn’t need supervising.
Sunday buffet was the one event during the week she particularly liked to be visible to her customers. Life in small town Texas was several speeds slower than life in Pennsylvania but never more so than on Sunday. She’d learned early on that folks liked to say hi and chat about the weather or their families. The warm, open, and friendly way of the people of Lusty had eased her jitters when she’d first arrived and had, to a large part, contributed to the final stages of her healing.
Up until an hour ago, she would have affirmed that she had healed. After all, she’d taken on not one, but two lovers. Wasn’t that proof that Kelsey’s out of her long blue funk and back to normal?
Now she knew she’d been lying to herself.
She’d gone out to check the supply of food and to meet and greet neighbors, regulars, and new customers.
Her gaze had landed on a little boy.
He’s about four .
The same age her Sean had been. His soft brown hair looked in need of combing. That and the serious expression on his face as he set about the business of eating his french fries acted like a giant claw tearing at her heart. Sean had eaten with that singular devotion, and he’d eaten slowly, and nothing she could ever do would hurry him up.
Oh, God . Her eyes flashed to the parents of the little one. Neither of them looked familiar to her.
Her gaze caught the attention of another diner, a man who’d been coming in twice a week for the past few weeks, and she nodded absently to him when he seemed to want her attention.
She turned her gaze back to the young family. The look of sheer, absolute, and total devotion on the face of the little guy’s mother twisted that claw around her heart. Her eyes flooded, and she turned, hustled back to the kitchen, then on into the staff washroom.
For long moments, she’d gulped back the tears and the overwhelming grief that at one time had been an ever-present black hole, sucking her in and sucking her deep.
I wish I’d gone into the store with him. Why didn’t I go in? I’d wrap my arms around my baby and keep him safe. Or die with him. I should have died with him. Oh God, why didn’t you let me die with him?
Kelsey splashed cold water on her face, and after a few long minutes, the grief began to ebb. She sat on the closed toilet, her focus on breathing and on trying to gather those emotions back up and stuff them back in their box.
It had been a very long time since she’d had a grief attack. For the first couple of years after she’d buried her husband and her son, they’d come unpredictably, hard, and often. She never would have thought a body could hold so many tears. Then, as time had passed, the moments came less and less often.
Kelsey blinked as she realized this was the first attack she’d had since moving here to Lusty. The first one in more than six months. That wasn’t to say she never thought about her baby. She thought about him at least once, every single day, but, somehow, she’d been able to get through the days, to function, even to laugh.
The best thing to do when the attack hit was to just keep busy. And avoid whatever it was that had triggered it. No, that was something she’d just made up now, but it made perfect sense to her. She’d stay in the kitchen for an hour or so, just until she
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