in the market for a man.”
Least of all the jerks Stacia liked to party with. Every guy her sister brought home before Charmaine had moved out of their mother’s house had been a loser, including the two men Stacia had kids with. Okay, to be fair her older son’s dad wasn’t bad, but the younger girl, who the heck knew who he was. In Charmaine’s book that said loser.
“You’re not getting any younger, Charmaine. Aren’t you going to have kids? For that you need a man.”
“Au contraire, in this day and age, I can have kids without one. Just lead me to a sperm bank.”
“Ew, no! And do without the dingaling? That’s punishment.”
“Again, you’ve had enough for the both of us.”
Stacia’s voice dropped low, and for once she grew more serious. “You can convince me you’re not lonely, Charmaine. I know you have your dreams and everything, and you’re scared of—”
“Stop. Just don’t even go there. I’m doing fine, but whatever I do it’s my business and my decision. You’re free to do whatever you want, Stacia. I’m not knocking you for it. Just don’t think I want or will be involved.”
The line was silent for a few minutes, and Charmaine went back to doing her hair. The gel had dried a little, and she had to rewet her whole head to get any semblance of neatness. Not satisfied with the end result because she looked plain as hell, she added a bit of eyeliner to her eyes and then froze.
What am I doing? Her sister’s words about being lonely ran through her head, and she threw the liner pencil down.
“You’re always so cold, Charmaine,” Stacia said at last, and there was a catch in her voice. Charmaine stopped moving to look at the phone. She thought her sister hung up. “I know you don’t respect me, and you think I’m just this screw up.”
“I don’t,” Charmaine lied. She bit her lip and blinked a few times fast.
“Come on. Admit it. I’m the example you keep in front of you of what not to be. I followed in Mama’s footsteps, having a kid when I was sixteen, and now I have Amaya. She’s only four, and I have no idea who the father is. I disgust you.”
“What do you want me to say, Stacia?” Charmaine washed her hands and dried them. Then she picked up the phone and left the bathroom. “I’m not going to lie and say I like your choices. Everybody makes mistakes, but you’re not even trying to change. No, I don’t want the same thing out of life. You and I both saw how Mama struggled to take care of us and how a lot of times we went without. I’m not doing it. You want me to somehow accept what you’re doing, but do you accept that I’m choosing my way on my own?”
“It’s not fun,” Stacia complained.
“So what? It’s my life!”
“Okay, come by on Friday then. We can hang out, maybe go shopping.”
Charmaine rolled her eyes. “I don’t have any extra money this month.”
“You’ve probably got a million dollars in a savings account.”
“From holding up what bank? Look, I’ve got to go, Stacia. I’ll call you back tonight.” Charmaine ended the call just as her sister was saying something else. They both knew Charmaine wouldn’t call. She never did. Just like she didn’t attend the parties, she didn’t go out of her way to spend time with Stacia. Whether she was wrong or not, that was her routine, and her older sister already knew it. No matter how many times she tried for them to get closer, it wasn’t happening. Charmaine did her duty with family, visiting her mother every week without fail. That much was all she could take.
When she was done getting ready, Charmaine searched her disaster area of an apartment for her tablet and found it under the bed. She mentally crossed her fingers as she hit the power button and whooped in delight when it came on. The battery was even half full, but she took the charger anyway so she could plug it in at the office.
As she let herself out of the apartment, she concentrated on reading the small
Least of all the jerks Stacia liked to party with. Every guy her sister brought home before Charmaine had moved out of their mother’s house had been a loser, including the two men Stacia had kids with. Okay, to be fair her older son’s dad wasn’t bad, but the younger girl, who the heck knew who he was. In Charmaine’s book that said loser.
“You’re not getting any younger, Charmaine. Aren’t you going to have kids? For that you need a man.”
“Au contraire, in this day and age, I can have kids without one. Just lead me to a sperm bank.”
“Ew, no! And do without the dingaling? That’s punishment.”
“Again, you’ve had enough for the both of us.”
Stacia’s voice dropped low, and for once she grew more serious. “You can convince me you’re not lonely, Charmaine. I know you have your dreams and everything, and you’re scared of—”
“Stop. Just don’t even go there. I’m doing fine, but whatever I do it’s my business and my decision. You’re free to do whatever you want, Stacia. I’m not knocking you for it. Just don’t think I want or will be involved.”
The line was silent for a few minutes, and Charmaine went back to doing her hair. The gel had dried a little, and she had to rewet her whole head to get any semblance of neatness. Not satisfied with the end result because she looked plain as hell, she added a bit of eyeliner to her eyes and then froze.
What am I doing? Her sister’s words about being lonely ran through her head, and she threw the liner pencil down.
“You’re always so cold, Charmaine,” Stacia said at last, and there was a catch in her voice. Charmaine stopped moving to look at the phone. She thought her sister hung up. “I know you don’t respect me, and you think I’m just this screw up.”
“I don’t,” Charmaine lied. She bit her lip and blinked a few times fast.
“Come on. Admit it. I’m the example you keep in front of you of what not to be. I followed in Mama’s footsteps, having a kid when I was sixteen, and now I have Amaya. She’s only four, and I have no idea who the father is. I disgust you.”
“What do you want me to say, Stacia?” Charmaine washed her hands and dried them. Then she picked up the phone and left the bathroom. “I’m not going to lie and say I like your choices. Everybody makes mistakes, but you’re not even trying to change. No, I don’t want the same thing out of life. You and I both saw how Mama struggled to take care of us and how a lot of times we went without. I’m not doing it. You want me to somehow accept what you’re doing, but do you accept that I’m choosing my way on my own?”
“It’s not fun,” Stacia complained.
“So what? It’s my life!”
“Okay, come by on Friday then. We can hang out, maybe go shopping.”
Charmaine rolled her eyes. “I don’t have any extra money this month.”
“You’ve probably got a million dollars in a savings account.”
“From holding up what bank? Look, I’ve got to go, Stacia. I’ll call you back tonight.” Charmaine ended the call just as her sister was saying something else. They both knew Charmaine wouldn’t call. She never did. Just like she didn’t attend the parties, she didn’t go out of her way to spend time with Stacia. Whether she was wrong or not, that was her routine, and her older sister already knew it. No matter how many times she tried for them to get closer, it wasn’t happening. Charmaine did her duty with family, visiting her mother every week without fail. That much was all she could take.
When she was done getting ready, Charmaine searched her disaster area of an apartment for her tablet and found it under the bed. She mentally crossed her fingers as she hit the power button and whooped in delight when it came on. The battery was even half full, but she took the charger anyway so she could plug it in at the office.
As she let herself out of the apartment, she concentrated on reading the small
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