without a fuss. In truth, lying here with him like this was a treat! Then, feeling guilty, she thought back on what Ellen had told her, seeking some justification for this late-night rendezvous.
“What were you thinking when you woke up, Alex?”
“I don’t know,” he snapped in odd annoyance, then calmed quickly. “I just woke up.”
“Right after you did, what kept you awake? Normal people simply fall back to sleep once they awaken. We don’t. Ellen suggested trying to pinpoint what type of thoughts keep us awake.”
“Don’t ask.”
“I am asking.” When he remained silent she tried a different approach, one that appealed to the sense of challenge they shared. “You said you loved me, Alex. If that’s true you should feel free to share your thoughts with me. Do you love me—or are those simply three empty words?”
She felt his body tense behind her, then relax once more. “You play a mean game, Alanna.”
“What were you thinking?” she persisted. “If I’m supposed to help you and in the process help myself, as Ellen suggested, we have to talk.”
He pondered her words, stirring for a moment to draw her even closer. “You really want to know?”
“Yes!”
He inhaled deeply of the scented jasmine in her hair, rubbing his cheek against its silken flow before speaking. “I had a dream. It’s the same one, over and over and over again, but I can never remember it after I wake. The feeling is always the same though, the feeling it leaves me with.”
“What kind of feeling?”
“Emptiness. A pervading sense of emptiness.”
Alanna suppressed a shudder. “Is that what kept you awake when you woke up tonight?”
“No.” He seemed to hug her more tightly. “This time, when I woke up I thought of you.”
“Alex…” she warned in a whisper, but he overrode her objection.
“You asked. You’ll listen. I thought of you. I pictured you standing in the bathroom the way you were earlier. Your skin, pale and satiny. Your breasts, ripe and full. Your hips, slim and … so very ready for me—”
“Alex! No wonder you can’t fall asleep! Why do you torment yourself over something you can’t finish?”
Somehow Alex sensed her own torment. His voice was suddenly clearer. “Why do you say that?” When she had no ready answer he prodded, “Come on, Alanna. I may be reading between the lines—”
“You’re not.” She sighed, realizing that she’d fallen into a trap of her own making, one from which only the truth would free her. “I said that because it was the only thing that allowed me to fall asleep earlier. Men aren’t the only ones with needs, you know.”
“I thought you told me that you could do very well without me.”
“I said,” she corrected softly, “that I had no need for marriage, to you or anyone else.”
“Haven’t you ever considered it?”
“No.”
“You’ve never fancied yourself in love since Harding?”
“I’ve learned the difference between ‘fancying’ and ‘being.’ No, I’ve never been … either … since Shep.”
“But you do date.”
“Once in a while.”
“Who?”
“Who what?”
He tugged her closer in mock punishment. “Who do you date?”
Alanna shifted to peer up into his stern face. “Don’t get yourself worked up, Alex. They’re all just … friends.”
“All?”
“There aren’t a whole lot. And I rarely date anyone more than once or twice.”
“A policy?”
“No, it just turns out that way.”
“Would I know any of your men?”
“They’re not ‘my men’ and I doubt it. They’re as far away from the business world as possible.”
Alex resettled himself in the darkness, sliding one long leg through hers. “No risk of compromise?”
“None.”
“Smart girl.”
“Only half of me is smart,” Alanna quipped, feeling surprisingly at ease. “The other is selfish. I have no desire to spend an evening out discussing business when I deal with it every hour of the day.”
“What do you like
“What were you thinking when you woke up, Alex?”
“I don’t know,” he snapped in odd annoyance, then calmed quickly. “I just woke up.”
“Right after you did, what kept you awake? Normal people simply fall back to sleep once they awaken. We don’t. Ellen suggested trying to pinpoint what type of thoughts keep us awake.”
“Don’t ask.”
“I am asking.” When he remained silent she tried a different approach, one that appealed to the sense of challenge they shared. “You said you loved me, Alex. If that’s true you should feel free to share your thoughts with me. Do you love me—or are those simply three empty words?”
She felt his body tense behind her, then relax once more. “You play a mean game, Alanna.”
“What were you thinking?” she persisted. “If I’m supposed to help you and in the process help myself, as Ellen suggested, we have to talk.”
He pondered her words, stirring for a moment to draw her even closer. “You really want to know?”
“Yes!”
He inhaled deeply of the scented jasmine in her hair, rubbing his cheek against its silken flow before speaking. “I had a dream. It’s the same one, over and over and over again, but I can never remember it after I wake. The feeling is always the same though, the feeling it leaves me with.”
“What kind of feeling?”
“Emptiness. A pervading sense of emptiness.”
Alanna suppressed a shudder. “Is that what kept you awake when you woke up tonight?”
“No.” He seemed to hug her more tightly. “This time, when I woke up I thought of you.”
“Alex…” she warned in a whisper, but he overrode her objection.
“You asked. You’ll listen. I thought of you. I pictured you standing in the bathroom the way you were earlier. Your skin, pale and satiny. Your breasts, ripe and full. Your hips, slim and … so very ready for me—”
“Alex! No wonder you can’t fall asleep! Why do you torment yourself over something you can’t finish?”
Somehow Alex sensed her own torment. His voice was suddenly clearer. “Why do you say that?” When she had no ready answer he prodded, “Come on, Alanna. I may be reading between the lines—”
“You’re not.” She sighed, realizing that she’d fallen into a trap of her own making, one from which only the truth would free her. “I said that because it was the only thing that allowed me to fall asleep earlier. Men aren’t the only ones with needs, you know.”
“I thought you told me that you could do very well without me.”
“I said,” she corrected softly, “that I had no need for marriage, to you or anyone else.”
“Haven’t you ever considered it?”
“No.”
“You’ve never fancied yourself in love since Harding?”
“I’ve learned the difference between ‘fancying’ and ‘being.’ No, I’ve never been … either … since Shep.”
“But you do date.”
“Once in a while.”
“Who?”
“Who what?”
He tugged her closer in mock punishment. “Who do you date?”
Alanna shifted to peer up into his stern face. “Don’t get yourself worked up, Alex. They’re all just … friends.”
“All?”
“There aren’t a whole lot. And I rarely date anyone more than once or twice.”
“A policy?”
“No, it just turns out that way.”
“Would I know any of your men?”
“They’re not ‘my men’ and I doubt it. They’re as far away from the business world as possible.”
Alex resettled himself in the darkness, sliding one long leg through hers. “No risk of compromise?”
“None.”
“Smart girl.”
“Only half of me is smart,” Alanna quipped, feeling surprisingly at ease. “The other is selfish. I have no desire to spend an evening out discussing business when I deal with it every hour of the day.”
“What do you like
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