Love Me: Oakville Series:Book 5 by Kathy-Jo Reinhart Page A

deep breath. Do I tell him the truth? I feel like shit. Everything hurts. I’m always tired. I feel like I’m the worst wife and mother in the world for putting Chase and Marcus through this hell. “Don’t give me the version you’ve been giving everyone else. You can tell me the truth,” he states, glaring at me as if he’s willing me to be completely honest.
    “You want the truth? I’ll give you the truth,” I tell him, though it comes out a little harsher than I intend. I need to vent. I can’t do it in front of Marcus. It’s not fair to him. He’s having a hard enough time dealing with his own feelings; he doesn’t need my shit piled on top of it all. “I’m pissed. Pissed that my body is turning on me. Pissed that I won’t see my son grow up, get married, and have kids of his own.” Tears sting my eyes and my body trembles. I’ve been able to avoid breaking down all this time, and leave it to Angel to make now the time that it happens. He doesn’t even have to push. He has a way of making you feel comfortable enough to tell him anything. Though, right now, he looks anything but comfortable. Watery tears pool in his eyes as he takes my hands in his and squeezes.
    “I know this sucks, T.” I laugh. That’s the understatement of the century. Angel grimaces, realizing it too. “I know, but what else can I say? It sucks. Plain and simple. It’s not fair for anyone involved, but especially for you,” he says.
    “It’s not me I’m worried about. It’s Marcus and Chase. They are the ones who are left behind to suffer. When I’m gone...I’m gone. They are the ones who will grieve and hurt. I’m afraid this will be too much for Marcus to handle. He’s a strong man, but this is going to destroy him,” I state. Angel looks at me, understanding in his eyes. “I know it’s going to paralyze him. If it were Marcus in this bed instead of me, it would obliterate me.” Saying it all out loud for the first time is making this all too real.
    “You know we will all be here for Marcus and Chase. We’ll make sure they are both okay. That, I can promise you,” Angel says in a soft voice.
    “I know you will. There’s something else I’ll need you to do, though.”
    “Anything. You know that,” he says with a reassuring smile. Leaning over, I open the top drawer of my nightstand, pull out two sealed envelopes, and lay them on my lap. One is addressed to Marcus and the other to Chase. I spent hours writing each one of these letters, making sure I said exactly what I wanted to say and what my boys would need to hear at the time they received them.
    “Marcus and Chase need to grieve, I know and understand that. What I don’t want, however, is for them to do it for too long. Life is so short, I don’t want them wasting a moment longer than necessary crying over me. Marcus is young. He has so much to offer the right woman. I want him to move on, find love again, and be happy. I don’t want him to spend the rest of his life alone mourning me.” I take a moment to catch my breath. A tear escapes my eye and rolls down my cheek. I’m trying so hard to hold myself together just enough to get through this. Reaching over, Angel pulls a tissue from the box next to my bed and gently wipes away the falling tears. He doesn’t say a word, knowing I’m not finished. Patiently, he allows me the time I need to calm enough to start again.
    “I don’t know the appropriate time it takes to mourn and grieve. But if after two years he’s not moving on and living his life, I need you to step in. I hope you don’t have to, but I have a strong feeling you’ll need to.” Angel nods, knowing just as well as I do Marcus will need that push. If left to his own devices, he’d spend the rest of his life alone. “When you feel it’s time, give him this letter along with the swift kick in the ass he’ll need. Make him understand I want him to live a happy, fulfilled life—not only for himself, but for Chase and me. My