need? How many times had I wondered why we kept that barrier in place? My hand shook as I opened the end of the box and dumped the strip of foil packets into my palm.
It was the brand we always used. A new box held three strips of four. This one had one full strip left. Four condoms. I remembered with heartbreaking clarity the last time I’d taken one out. It’d been the next-to-last condom, leaving one in the box. I remembered thinking how we’d need to buy more eventually. Not soon, though. We had sex so rarely anymore.
When had that been? A month ago? Two? Maybe as many as four? We hadn’t made love in so long, I couldn’t even have said what season it had been. But I remembered exactly how many condoms had been left. He’d not only finished that box. He’d had to buy a new one.
And how many boxes between that one and this? the voice in my head asked.
“Shut up,” I said, sinking to the floor. Tears welled up in my eyes. I choked, trying to fight back a sob. “Shut up!”
“Daniel?” Chase asked from somewhere near the bedroom door. “Are you all right?”
“How could you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You never use my Slytherin cup.”
“Your cup? What are you talking about?” But some note of alarm in his voice made me look up. He should have been downright confused. Instead he was worried. I saw the wariness in his eyes as he took in the little foil packets lying in my hand. “What are you doing?”
I dropped them on the floor and stood on shaking legs. “You actually brought another man here. Into my house. Into my bed !”
He took a deep breath, holding his hands up in a soothing gesture. The tip of his tongue flicked nervously over his lips, and I fought the urge to run into the bathroom and vomit up every bit of Granny’s meatloaf.
“I’m not sure what you think—”
“You cheated on me!”
“I wouldn’t do that. I love you—”
“Don’t lie to me!”
“Dan, please. I’d never hurt you like that.”
“How long?”
“What?”
“ How long? ”
He wrung his hands together, his gaze skipping wildly around our bedroom. You’ll have to be more specific , the voice in my head said. How long with this particular man? Or how long has he been unfaithful?
“Never mind. I don’t want to know.” I opened the closet and pulled out my duffel. Ripped the nearest three shirts off their hangers and shoved them inside.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving. I’m going to my dad’s.”
“Daniel, please. Let’s talk about this.”
A clean pair of jeans and a handful of boxers went into the duffel. “I want you gone by the time I get home on Sunday.”
“What?”
“You heard me. I want you gone.”
“But…. But…. What about work?”
“Fuck them. And fuck you too.”
A moment of silence as I zipped the bag. He was rallying his defenses. He’d attack next. He followed me through the house as I gathered the things I’d need. My glasses, my keys, my laptop.
“Don’t act like you’re the perfect victim in this, Daniel. You said last week we hadn’t been a couple in months, and you were right. Are you telling me now you’ve never strayed? In fifteen years, you’ve never once made a mistake?”
I didn’t look at him. Just kept grabbing things I didn’t want to leave behind. Granny’s cookbook, my cell phone, and—for some reason I couldn’t quite explain—my Slytherin mug.
“I’ve made plenty of mistakes, but I’ve never cheated on you. Not once.”
What about the shower? a voice in my head asked. But it wasn’t the same thing. No matter what, one hallucination wasn’t the same as months, maybe even years’ worth of planned infidelities.
“I made a mistake, I know. But we can fix this.”
“To hell with that.”
His bravado crumbled when I reached the front door. “Daniel, please!” His voice broke this time as he started to cry. “Don’t leave me. Not like this. I’ll do anything—”
I opened the door, and two new images flashed in
It was the brand we always used. A new box held three strips of four. This one had one full strip left. Four condoms. I remembered with heartbreaking clarity the last time I’d taken one out. It’d been the next-to-last condom, leaving one in the box. I remembered thinking how we’d need to buy more eventually. Not soon, though. We had sex so rarely anymore.
When had that been? A month ago? Two? Maybe as many as four? We hadn’t made love in so long, I couldn’t even have said what season it had been. But I remembered exactly how many condoms had been left. He’d not only finished that box. He’d had to buy a new one.
And how many boxes between that one and this? the voice in my head asked.
“Shut up,” I said, sinking to the floor. Tears welled up in my eyes. I choked, trying to fight back a sob. “Shut up!”
“Daniel?” Chase asked from somewhere near the bedroom door. “Are you all right?”
“How could you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You never use my Slytherin cup.”
“Your cup? What are you talking about?” But some note of alarm in his voice made me look up. He should have been downright confused. Instead he was worried. I saw the wariness in his eyes as he took in the little foil packets lying in my hand. “What are you doing?”
I dropped them on the floor and stood on shaking legs. “You actually brought another man here. Into my house. Into my bed !”
He took a deep breath, holding his hands up in a soothing gesture. The tip of his tongue flicked nervously over his lips, and I fought the urge to run into the bathroom and vomit up every bit of Granny’s meatloaf.
“I’m not sure what you think—”
“You cheated on me!”
“I wouldn’t do that. I love you—”
“Don’t lie to me!”
“Dan, please. I’d never hurt you like that.”
“How long?”
“What?”
“ How long? ”
He wrung his hands together, his gaze skipping wildly around our bedroom. You’ll have to be more specific , the voice in my head said. How long with this particular man? Or how long has he been unfaithful?
“Never mind. I don’t want to know.” I opened the closet and pulled out my duffel. Ripped the nearest three shirts off their hangers and shoved them inside.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving. I’m going to my dad’s.”
“Daniel, please. Let’s talk about this.”
A clean pair of jeans and a handful of boxers went into the duffel. “I want you gone by the time I get home on Sunday.”
“What?”
“You heard me. I want you gone.”
“But…. But…. What about work?”
“Fuck them. And fuck you too.”
A moment of silence as I zipped the bag. He was rallying his defenses. He’d attack next. He followed me through the house as I gathered the things I’d need. My glasses, my keys, my laptop.
“Don’t act like you’re the perfect victim in this, Daniel. You said last week we hadn’t been a couple in months, and you were right. Are you telling me now you’ve never strayed? In fifteen years, you’ve never once made a mistake?”
I didn’t look at him. Just kept grabbing things I didn’t want to leave behind. Granny’s cookbook, my cell phone, and—for some reason I couldn’t quite explain—my Slytherin mug.
“I’ve made plenty of mistakes, but I’ve never cheated on you. Not once.”
What about the shower? a voice in my head asked. But it wasn’t the same thing. No matter what, one hallucination wasn’t the same as months, maybe even years’ worth of planned infidelities.
“I made a mistake, I know. But we can fix this.”
“To hell with that.”
His bravado crumbled when I reached the front door. “Daniel, please!” His voice broke this time as he started to cry. “Don’t leave me. Not like this. I’ll do anything—”
I opened the door, and two new images flashed in
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