Losing My Balance (Fenbrook Academy #1.5) by Helena Newbury Page A
Authors: Helena Newbury
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entire life so far—kicked in. This whole thing was ridiculous. He clearly wasn’t right for me. He was lying there telling me that he’d never be able to give me what I wanted—besides which, we were from two different worlds, opposites in just about every way. Even if I did get him to offer more than just sex, what sort of future did we really have—a ballerina and a biker?
I was enjoying the sex—hell, I was loving the sex. But every time we did more, with the knowledge that sex was all it was ever going to be, I felt guiltier. Eventually, I knew, the guilt would overpower the lust and then it would all come crashing down. The sooner I ended this, the less it would hurt.
And then, as we sat there in silence, I heard Nat through the wall. She’d stopped pedaling and she was talking—to Darrell. Her voice was full of pain, but I could hear the hope there, too.
If the two of them could figure things out, even with all of Nat’s issues, shouldn’t I at least give this a chance? Maybe, if we stayed together, I could get him to show me the real him.
It was worth a shot.
I climbed onto the bed alongside Neil and he put his arm around me. I nestled in closer and he pulled his arm a little tighter. It felt good, like he wanted to protect me. But it couldn’t be that, right? He wanted one thing and one thing only—he’d openly admitted that.
We drifted off to sleep like that—snuggled up close, but as distant as ever.
***
The next morning, he was gone. It wasn’t the fact he didn’t leave a note that hurt me. It was that, for the sort of thing we had going, that was normal, and nothing to be upset about. He was just sticking to the rules, keeping it about sex.
Nat filled me in on her phone call with Darrell. They’d patched things up and she’d agreed to go to some garden party at his place that afternoon.
“Please?” she asked, her eyes huge. “Just come along in case things don’t go well. I think this is make or break—you know?”
My heart melted. I did know—all too well. “Sure,” I told her. I’d probably be the lone singleton there, of course, but what the hell.
Unless….
I called Neil. He took a while to answer and, when he did, I could hear traffic rushing past. He was riding, I realized, and had pulled over to take the call. “Yeah?”
I bit my lip and told him about the party.
“Seriously?” I could hear the smile in his voice. “You think I’d fit in at one of Darrell’s parties? It’s dudes in jackets and twigs in dresses.”
“I think you’d look pretty amazing in a jacket,” I told him. I was sitting on my bed, and my free hand was playing with the edge of the comforter, nervously twisting it between my fingers. If he agreed to go, didn’t that mean something? Didn’t that mean he was willing to change, a little, for me? “I could help you find something to wear, if—”
“I got somethin’ to wear,” he growled. “I just don’t wear it here.”
Here? I frowned. Where was it that Neil went, when he went out of town on business? And what was he doing, that he needed to put on smart clothes?
He went quiet, as if he’d slipped up. Then, “I don’t know. It ain’t really my thing—you know?”
“Yes. Sorry.” I heard the tightness in my voice and fought to control it. “It’s fine. No problem. Just an idea. I’ll catch you another time.” And I hung up.
Catch you another time. That was what I had to look forward to. Booty calls and casual meets and never anything more than sex. What the hell was I doing?
Chapter 13
Clarissa
A few hours later, we were standing outside our apartment, watching the cab we’d called crawl towards us through slow-moving traffic. Natasha looked amazing—I’d lent her a sundress that looked better on her, with her slightly bigger boobs, than it ever did on me. I’d gone for a light, floaty thing that showed off a little leg but was
I was enjoying the sex—hell, I was loving the sex. But every time we did more, with the knowledge that sex was all it was ever going to be, I felt guiltier. Eventually, I knew, the guilt would overpower the lust and then it would all come crashing down. The sooner I ended this, the less it would hurt.
And then, as we sat there in silence, I heard Nat through the wall. She’d stopped pedaling and she was talking—to Darrell. Her voice was full of pain, but I could hear the hope there, too.
If the two of them could figure things out, even with all of Nat’s issues, shouldn’t I at least give this a chance? Maybe, if we stayed together, I could get him to show me the real him.
It was worth a shot.
I climbed onto the bed alongside Neil and he put his arm around me. I nestled in closer and he pulled his arm a little tighter. It felt good, like he wanted to protect me. But it couldn’t be that, right? He wanted one thing and one thing only—he’d openly admitted that.
We drifted off to sleep like that—snuggled up close, but as distant as ever.
***
The next morning, he was gone. It wasn’t the fact he didn’t leave a note that hurt me. It was that, for the sort of thing we had going, that was normal, and nothing to be upset about. He was just sticking to the rules, keeping it about sex.
Nat filled me in on her phone call with Darrell. They’d patched things up and she’d agreed to go to some garden party at his place that afternoon.
“Please?” she asked, her eyes huge. “Just come along in case things don’t go well. I think this is make or break—you know?”
My heart melted. I did know—all too well. “Sure,” I told her. I’d probably be the lone singleton there, of course, but what the hell.
Unless….
I called Neil. He took a while to answer and, when he did, I could hear traffic rushing past. He was riding, I realized, and had pulled over to take the call. “Yeah?”
I bit my lip and told him about the party.
“Seriously?” I could hear the smile in his voice. “You think I’d fit in at one of Darrell’s parties? It’s dudes in jackets and twigs in dresses.”
“I think you’d look pretty amazing in a jacket,” I told him. I was sitting on my bed, and my free hand was playing with the edge of the comforter, nervously twisting it between my fingers. If he agreed to go, didn’t that mean something? Didn’t that mean he was willing to change, a little, for me? “I could help you find something to wear, if—”
“I got somethin’ to wear,” he growled. “I just don’t wear it here.”
Here? I frowned. Where was it that Neil went, when he went out of town on business? And what was he doing, that he needed to put on smart clothes?
He went quiet, as if he’d slipped up. Then, “I don’t know. It ain’t really my thing—you know?”
“Yes. Sorry.” I heard the tightness in my voice and fought to control it. “It’s fine. No problem. Just an idea. I’ll catch you another time.” And I hung up.
Catch you another time. That was what I had to look forward to. Booty calls and casual meets and never anything more than sex. What the hell was I doing?
Chapter 13
Clarissa
A few hours later, we were standing outside our apartment, watching the cab we’d called crawl towards us through slow-moving traffic. Natasha looked amazing—I’d lent her a sundress that looked better on her, with her slightly bigger boobs, than it ever did on me. I’d gone for a light, floaty thing that showed off a little leg but was
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