unable to get the zipper to go, he wrapped his coat tighter around his body and crossed his arms over it. “Anyone care for a lift?” he asked.
“My head is spinning,” said Heidi. “If I get into a car, I think I just might puke.”
“All the more reason to get in Herman’s car,” said Whitey.
“Real funny,” said Herman. He bowed. “Enjoy the walk. The fresh air will do you right. Good for the lungs, I hear. Not that I’d know from experience.”
“Thanks,” said Heidi. She took a drink from the bottle and then passed it along to Whitey. Whitey drank as well, wiping his mouth dry with his sleeve after.
“I’ll walk with you,” he said.
Heidi smiled. She stumbled a little, rested her palm lightly on Whitey’s chest. “All right,” she said. “Probably a good idea.”
“Well, la-dee-fucking-da,” said Herman. “I’m freezing. This gentleman is going to try and get home to the warden without racking up another DWS. If you know what I mean.”
“Yeah,” said Whitey, turning toward him. “You mean DWI.”
“Naw, DWS,” said Herman. “Driving while sexy.” He thrust his head back and gave a James Brown shriek. Spinning around, he soft-shoed off toward his car. How he could manage to do that after having had so much to drink, Heidi wasn’t sure.
“Good luck,” called Heidi after him.
“See you suckers later,” said Herman. Then he shouted, “Fuck, it’s cold!” and jumped into his car.
Whitey and Heidi watched him drive off and then they started walking toward Heidi’s place. For a while they walked in silence, trying not to shiver in the cold.
Whitey was the first to break the silence. “You think Herman’s wife knows he calls her the warden?” he asked.
“No way,” said Heidi. “And he doesn’t mean it. He’s a pussy cat around her.”
They walked along again in silence. The wind was blustery, sending the autumn leaves skittering across the empty street and over the sidewalk in front of them. Heidi shivered, concentrated on walkingstraight. She’d had a lot to drink, as usual, but not as much as the night before. I’ll probably be okay, she thought, as long as I don’t keep on drinking once I get back to the house. She wrapped her faux fur coat tighter around herself, snuck a glance at Whitey. His forehead was wrinkled, as if he was trying to think of something to say.
They stopped at the steps of Heidi’s building. Heidi reached out and grabbed his arm. In a pretend flirty voice, she said, “You want to come up and see what’s cooking in my kitchen?”
“Really?” said Whitey.
From the overexcited way that he said it, she knew she’d stepped wrong. He apparently couldn’t read the difference between flirty and pretend flirty.
“Really?” she said back, imitating his tone. She rolled her eyes. “I didn’t mean come up so I can suck your dick in the kitchen. I mean come up so I can make us some pancakes or something.”
“I knew that,” Whitey pretended, back to his old non-eager self, but still not quite meeting her eyes. He looked at his watch. “Hmmm? It’s getting pretty late,” he said.
Can’t let him go home with his feelings hurt , thought Heidi. “Come on,” she said. “You got something better waiting than pancakes?”
If it’d been Herman, he would have figured out how to turn that one into a joke, but Whitey didn’t. Maybe they both had had too much to drink. “Ya know,” he said, “the sad thing is… I never have any place better to be.”
Heidi nodded. “Exactly,” she said. “So what’s stopping you?”
He looked at his watch again and then shook his head and smiled, followed her in. Things were back to normal, Heidi thought. Well, if normal was what they’d actually been before.
They were inside and on the inner stairs leading up to her apartment when a door on the first floor opened. Fuck , thought Heidi, we’ve woken the landlady up . She kept walking. From behind her, she heard Lacy call her name.
She
“My head is spinning,” said Heidi. “If I get into a car, I think I just might puke.”
“All the more reason to get in Herman’s car,” said Whitey.
“Real funny,” said Herman. He bowed. “Enjoy the walk. The fresh air will do you right. Good for the lungs, I hear. Not that I’d know from experience.”
“Thanks,” said Heidi. She took a drink from the bottle and then passed it along to Whitey. Whitey drank as well, wiping his mouth dry with his sleeve after.
“I’ll walk with you,” he said.
Heidi smiled. She stumbled a little, rested her palm lightly on Whitey’s chest. “All right,” she said. “Probably a good idea.”
“Well, la-dee-fucking-da,” said Herman. “I’m freezing. This gentleman is going to try and get home to the warden without racking up another DWS. If you know what I mean.”
“Yeah,” said Whitey, turning toward him. “You mean DWI.”
“Naw, DWS,” said Herman. “Driving while sexy.” He thrust his head back and gave a James Brown shriek. Spinning around, he soft-shoed off toward his car. How he could manage to do that after having had so much to drink, Heidi wasn’t sure.
“Good luck,” called Heidi after him.
“See you suckers later,” said Herman. Then he shouted, “Fuck, it’s cold!” and jumped into his car.
Whitey and Heidi watched him drive off and then they started walking toward Heidi’s place. For a while they walked in silence, trying not to shiver in the cold.
Whitey was the first to break the silence. “You think Herman’s wife knows he calls her the warden?” he asked.
“No way,” said Heidi. “And he doesn’t mean it. He’s a pussy cat around her.”
They walked along again in silence. The wind was blustery, sending the autumn leaves skittering across the empty street and over the sidewalk in front of them. Heidi shivered, concentrated on walkingstraight. She’d had a lot to drink, as usual, but not as much as the night before. I’ll probably be okay, she thought, as long as I don’t keep on drinking once I get back to the house. She wrapped her faux fur coat tighter around herself, snuck a glance at Whitey. His forehead was wrinkled, as if he was trying to think of something to say.
They stopped at the steps of Heidi’s building. Heidi reached out and grabbed his arm. In a pretend flirty voice, she said, “You want to come up and see what’s cooking in my kitchen?”
“Really?” said Whitey.
From the overexcited way that he said it, she knew she’d stepped wrong. He apparently couldn’t read the difference between flirty and pretend flirty.
“Really?” she said back, imitating his tone. She rolled her eyes. “I didn’t mean come up so I can suck your dick in the kitchen. I mean come up so I can make us some pancakes or something.”
“I knew that,” Whitey pretended, back to his old non-eager self, but still not quite meeting her eyes. He looked at his watch. “Hmmm? It’s getting pretty late,” he said.
Can’t let him go home with his feelings hurt , thought Heidi. “Come on,” she said. “You got something better waiting than pancakes?”
If it’d been Herman, he would have figured out how to turn that one into a joke, but Whitey didn’t. Maybe they both had had too much to drink. “Ya know,” he said, “the sad thing is… I never have any place better to be.”
Heidi nodded. “Exactly,” she said. “So what’s stopping you?”
He looked at his watch again and then shook his head and smiled, followed her in. Things were back to normal, Heidi thought. Well, if normal was what they’d actually been before.
They were inside and on the inner stairs leading up to her apartment when a door on the first floor opened. Fuck , thought Heidi, we’ve woken the landlady up . She kept walking. From behind her, she heard Lacy call her name.
She
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