teeth, which I had always assumed were dentures.
“Greta, please excuse me. I have an appointment with Aldous.” I turned around, performed a perfunctory knock, opened the door and walked in without waiting. I closed the door behind me and collapsed against it.
Aldous was sitting in his desk chair, looking at me. “Wow. I didn’t even get a chance to say ‘come in.’”
“Sorry. The Pineapple just appeared out of nowhere and accused me of poisoning Primo.”
“What?”
“Actually, she said he was poisoned by my coffee and then suggested she wasn’t accusing me of personally poisoning him. Somehow it was just my coffee.”
“That’s not good.”
“No, it’s not.”
“It’s particularly not good that it’s Greta.”
“Why?”
“She’s a member of your confidential Ad Hoc Tenure Committee.”
I wasn’t surprised. She was a faculty member who taught civil procedure, as I did. And she was very senior. So it made sense. I had been hoping against hope that if there was going to be a professor who taught civil procedure on the committee, it would be someone else. Now my hopes had been dashed. “That woman is the curse of my life, Aldous. She has the office next door to me, lives in my condo building and now you’re telling me she’s on my tenure committee.”
“Do you get along better as neighbors than you do here?”
“No. She has the apartment beneath mine and is always playing her classical music at full volume in the middle of the night.”
“Do you complain to her about it?”
“No. I just pound on the floor with a big wooden pole until she turns it down. I guess I’ve avoided mentioning that to you.”
“For fear it would make me not want to stay overnight at your place?”
“You never have.”
“I know. It was a joke, Jenna.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I guess my joke receptors are off today.”
“Well, Greta does sound like a curse on you. Maybe you need to consult someone in Haiti about her.”
“Not a bad idea. But wait a minute: How did you learn she’s on my committee? That’s supposed to be confidential.”
“You don’t really want to know.”
“No, I do want to know.”
“I developed some special computer skills back when I was a quant on Wall Street.”
“You hacked into the UCLA computer?”
“Not exactly, and why don’t we just leave it be? I shouldn’t have told you.”
“Well, however you found out, it’s bad news because she hates my guts. But she’s clever enough to cover it up and find some supposedly legitimate problem with my scholarship. And if she’s a no, all I need is one more no, or one yes with reservations, and I’m sunk.”
“Yeah, but there’s also good news. The other two faculty on your committee are much more favorably disposed toward you.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Do you want to know who they are?”
I hesitated for a few seconds, then, finally, said, “No.”
He laughed. “Or at least you don’t want to know right now.”
“I need to sit down,” I said. I moved away from the door and sank into one of the two guest chairs.
Aldous came out from behind the desk and plopped himself into the other chair. “I think I’ll join you out here. It’s weird talking to you from behind my desk. Not emotionally connected enough.” He smiled.
“Very funny, Aldous. Ha ha. Somehow I’m not focused right now on who’s sitting where, and I don’t want to rehash our conversation of this morning.”
“You’re not having a good week,” he said.
“Not hardly. Did you read the lawsuit?”
“Yeah, I did. You’ll need a lawyer, obviously.”
“I know. I was thinking about that as I was driving in.”
“Got anyone in mind?”
“Yeah. Oscar Quesana.”
“Who’s he?”
“He was my co-counsel when I defended Robert against the murder charge. I learned a huge amount from Oscar. We had a rocky start, but we became good friends in the end. He’s an unusual guy—a vegan who lives in a house that looks like it was
“Greta, please excuse me. I have an appointment with Aldous.” I turned around, performed a perfunctory knock, opened the door and walked in without waiting. I closed the door behind me and collapsed against it.
Aldous was sitting in his desk chair, looking at me. “Wow. I didn’t even get a chance to say ‘come in.’”
“Sorry. The Pineapple just appeared out of nowhere and accused me of poisoning Primo.”
“What?”
“Actually, she said he was poisoned by my coffee and then suggested she wasn’t accusing me of personally poisoning him. Somehow it was just my coffee.”
“That’s not good.”
“No, it’s not.”
“It’s particularly not good that it’s Greta.”
“Why?”
“She’s a member of your confidential Ad Hoc Tenure Committee.”
I wasn’t surprised. She was a faculty member who taught civil procedure, as I did. And she was very senior. So it made sense. I had been hoping against hope that if there was going to be a professor who taught civil procedure on the committee, it would be someone else. Now my hopes had been dashed. “That woman is the curse of my life, Aldous. She has the office next door to me, lives in my condo building and now you’re telling me she’s on my tenure committee.”
“Do you get along better as neighbors than you do here?”
“No. She has the apartment beneath mine and is always playing her classical music at full volume in the middle of the night.”
“Do you complain to her about it?”
“No. I just pound on the floor with a big wooden pole until she turns it down. I guess I’ve avoided mentioning that to you.”
“For fear it would make me not want to stay overnight at your place?”
“You never have.”
“I know. It was a joke, Jenna.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I guess my joke receptors are off today.”
“Well, Greta does sound like a curse on you. Maybe you need to consult someone in Haiti about her.”
“Not a bad idea. But wait a minute: How did you learn she’s on my committee? That’s supposed to be confidential.”
“You don’t really want to know.”
“No, I do want to know.”
“I developed some special computer skills back when I was a quant on Wall Street.”
“You hacked into the UCLA computer?”
“Not exactly, and why don’t we just leave it be? I shouldn’t have told you.”
“Well, however you found out, it’s bad news because she hates my guts. But she’s clever enough to cover it up and find some supposedly legitimate problem with my scholarship. And if she’s a no, all I need is one more no, or one yes with reservations, and I’m sunk.”
“Yeah, but there’s also good news. The other two faculty on your committee are much more favorably disposed toward you.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Do you want to know who they are?”
I hesitated for a few seconds, then, finally, said, “No.”
He laughed. “Or at least you don’t want to know right now.”
“I need to sit down,” I said. I moved away from the door and sank into one of the two guest chairs.
Aldous came out from behind the desk and plopped himself into the other chair. “I think I’ll join you out here. It’s weird talking to you from behind my desk. Not emotionally connected enough.” He smiled.
“Very funny, Aldous. Ha ha. Somehow I’m not focused right now on who’s sitting where, and I don’t want to rehash our conversation of this morning.”
“You’re not having a good week,” he said.
“Not hardly. Did you read the lawsuit?”
“Yeah, I did. You’ll need a lawyer, obviously.”
“I know. I was thinking about that as I was driving in.”
“Got anyone in mind?”
“Yeah. Oscar Quesana.”
“Who’s he?”
“He was my co-counsel when I defended Robert against the murder charge. I learned a huge amount from Oscar. We had a rocky start, but we became good friends in the end. He’s an unusual guy—a vegan who lives in a house that looks like it was
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