anyone. And I have not spoken of it in nearly a hundred years.
I look to her and she nods, her anxiety rolling off her in waves and making me feel nauseous, but I press on regardless, my mind searching back for the beginning but only finding the middle.
“She was dead, my wife was dead.” I look at my hands clasped in front of me, shame and pity stopping me from looking upon her beautiful face. “That is all I kept thinking as I watched them ravage her slight body. She was dead, and they did not care. It had taken five of them to control me when they broke in at the dead of night and dragged us from our beds, and another two again once they had started to harm her.
While they decimated my wife’s body, our child cried herself into a frenzy upstairs, and I could do nothing.” My voice breaks as my mind sees my wife—her long flowing locks almost gold in colour, eyes as blue and as clear as water, a smile that would break any man’s heart—and I had ruined her. I grind my teeth against the pain of the memory, her beauty not justified by my mind. “I was a gambling man, and I was mostly a lucky man—until I was not.” I glance briefly at Mia and then look away as her eyes, full of pity, look back at mine. “I owed a lot. And I promised things I did not have and could not deliver. When I didn’t win—when I couldn’t pay what was required—they made me pay with my wife. They came one night while we were sleeping, dragging us from our beds, and forced me to watch as they tore her apart, man after man, until her body could take no more, and her mind gave way, and her body gave up.” I clutch at where my heart should be, feeling the biting sting of utter devastation as if this was happening now. “Then they were to take my child.” I look up to meet Mia’s eyes, needing her to see and understand. “They said they were to raise her to work in their brothels, that she would be reminded of why she was there until her death, and that she would know that it was my fault and that I was to blame for her ruin.”
I stand, not able to stay seated any longer, the room growing smaller around me as I talk. “I begged them, pleaded, offered myself—my life—but they didn’t care, not these men. They had destroyed my wife and they would destroy my daughter, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. With all my strength, with all my skill, I was still incapable of stopping them, incapable of saving my family.” I grit my teeth and slam a fist against the bookshelf, sending books cascading to the floor. Mia jumps out of her seat but keeps her distance from me.
“And then our queen was standing in my doorway. Of course, she was not my queen then. To me, she was just a woman—her hair as black as ink cascading down her back, her eyes as cold as ice. She asked me to invite her in, and for a moment I thought I was delirious, that I was the only one to see her, to hear her, and that this was my punishment—for when she spoke, her mouth had two fangs hanging from it. I stared at her as the men went and fetched my daughter, stared at her as she calmly repeated over and over to let her in, but I stayed silent the entire time, feeling numb—feeling death on my neck, and welcoming it. As they brought my tiny daughter into the room, her cries almost deafening, I mouthed words that I will never regret until I finally leave this world.
“I invited her in, and with her came much bloodshed and death.” I look across at Mia with a haunted smile. “Rivulets of blood ran the length of my house when she was done, and as I lay next to my wife’s dead body, and cradled my child in my arms, she—this woman of nightmares came to me and spoke again. I promised her my loyalty forever if only she would protect my daughter forever.” I walk back to my seat again, and Mia does the same, as I drag my chair nearer to hers, drawing us closer together.
“Mia, she refused this promise, instead giving me the power and strength to
I look to her and she nods, her anxiety rolling off her in waves and making me feel nauseous, but I press on regardless, my mind searching back for the beginning but only finding the middle.
“She was dead, my wife was dead.” I look at my hands clasped in front of me, shame and pity stopping me from looking upon her beautiful face. “That is all I kept thinking as I watched them ravage her slight body. She was dead, and they did not care. It had taken five of them to control me when they broke in at the dead of night and dragged us from our beds, and another two again once they had started to harm her.
While they decimated my wife’s body, our child cried herself into a frenzy upstairs, and I could do nothing.” My voice breaks as my mind sees my wife—her long flowing locks almost gold in colour, eyes as blue and as clear as water, a smile that would break any man’s heart—and I had ruined her. I grind my teeth against the pain of the memory, her beauty not justified by my mind. “I was a gambling man, and I was mostly a lucky man—until I was not.” I glance briefly at Mia and then look away as her eyes, full of pity, look back at mine. “I owed a lot. And I promised things I did not have and could not deliver. When I didn’t win—when I couldn’t pay what was required—they made me pay with my wife. They came one night while we were sleeping, dragging us from our beds, and forced me to watch as they tore her apart, man after man, until her body could take no more, and her mind gave way, and her body gave up.” I clutch at where my heart should be, feeling the biting sting of utter devastation as if this was happening now. “Then they were to take my child.” I look up to meet Mia’s eyes, needing her to see and understand. “They said they were to raise her to work in their brothels, that she would be reminded of why she was there until her death, and that she would know that it was my fault and that I was to blame for her ruin.”
I stand, not able to stay seated any longer, the room growing smaller around me as I talk. “I begged them, pleaded, offered myself—my life—but they didn’t care, not these men. They had destroyed my wife and they would destroy my daughter, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. With all my strength, with all my skill, I was still incapable of stopping them, incapable of saving my family.” I grit my teeth and slam a fist against the bookshelf, sending books cascading to the floor. Mia jumps out of her seat but keeps her distance from me.
“And then our queen was standing in my doorway. Of course, she was not my queen then. To me, she was just a woman—her hair as black as ink cascading down her back, her eyes as cold as ice. She asked me to invite her in, and for a moment I thought I was delirious, that I was the only one to see her, to hear her, and that this was my punishment—for when she spoke, her mouth had two fangs hanging from it. I stared at her as the men went and fetched my daughter, stared at her as she calmly repeated over and over to let her in, but I stayed silent the entire time, feeling numb—feeling death on my neck, and welcoming it. As they brought my tiny daughter into the room, her cries almost deafening, I mouthed words that I will never regret until I finally leave this world.
“I invited her in, and with her came much bloodshed and death.” I look across at Mia with a haunted smile. “Rivulets of blood ran the length of my house when she was done, and as I lay next to my wife’s dead body, and cradled my child in my arms, she—this woman of nightmares came to me and spoke again. I promised her my loyalty forever if only she would protect my daughter forever.” I walk back to my seat again, and Mia does the same, as I drag my chair nearer to hers, drawing us closer together.
“Mia, she refused this promise, instead giving me the power and strength to
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