Ransom, on to Vandling and back, all the while listening to Brian lecture me on the specifics of my new Mustang. Although I found his incessant rambling boring rather than informative, I found the hour and a half ride exhilarating. After years of walking and commuting by taxi, sixty miles an hour behind the wheel of my own car was an adrenaline-pumping thrill.
As I pulled along the sidewalk in front of the house, I felt the rush of the drive draining from my body. Confusion began to fill every recess of my mind. Each time I thought I was sure how I felt, something would happen to make me second-guess my decision and today was no exception. It was almost as if Brian had access to my innermost thoughts, using them to manipulate my emotions. Although he was very clever and could be sneaky when need be, I had to believe that the timing of his generosity was nothing more than coincidence. If not, that would mean he was mollifying me with no regard for my feelings as long as it brought him the result he wanted. I found it impossible to believe that I could have been that wrong about him for so many years. Could I have?
Throughout the rest of the evening, I fought to put myself in new-relationship mode. When it came time for bed, I tried to experience his lovemaking as if it were the first time, a time when I found it easy and exciting to be swept away by emotions and lost in a moment.
As he reached a rapid climax, I felt myself go limp. I wasn’t limp with ecstatic exhaustion, but limp with sad acceptance. My head could not talk my heart into feeling or believing something that wasn’t real just because it was easier.
Our relationship had ended long before either of us had realized it. Gone was the upcoming promise to love, honor and obey. Until-death-do-us-part meant a future filled with dread and regrets. All that remained between us was the admittance of failure and the formality of a spoken goodbye.
Brian rolled over at once, foregoing his usual after-sex commentary. There was an ominous tension in the room with us. Not only could I feel the pressure of it, but I knew that Brian could feel it too.
Nine
...I was able to keep the tears that dampened my lashes from spilling over, but the crack in my voice was more than I could help...
I turned in every direction, in search of buildings, people or any sign as to where I was. There was nothing for the heavy wind to blow through, yet somehow, it made a howling sound that raised goose bumps across my skin. Clouds raced across the sky, leaving long, dark streaks behind them.
Was I imagining the vibration in the ground beneath my feet? No, I wasn’t. In the far distance, something approached me, kicking up a cloud of dust that kept its identity hidden from my view. As it drew closer, I could hear the whine of an engine floored wide open. My apprehension became unnerving.
Squinting, I saw the object as it first came into view. Brian! It was Brian in my new Mustang. I stood paralyzed as he rapidly closed the gap between us. My mind was pulling me in one direction and then the other, but my feet refused to move from where they were frozen to the ground.
I closed my eyes tightly and screamed, “ Brian! ” as he turned the wheel sharply and began to circle around me.
He was driving too fast to keep up with him visually, so I turned my head quickly, right to left, as he made pass after pass around me. He wore a vicious smile, one that sent chills from my head to my toes, snapping at every nerve ending throughout my body.
“What do you have to say in your own defense, Meg?” He sneered as he spoke.
“Defense for what? Brian, you’re scaring me, why are you doing this?”
“Let the record show that the defendant refused to answer the question.”
Confusion throbbed in my head. His sadistic smile broadened as his circles grew smaller.
“Brian, this isn’t funny...
As I pulled along the sidewalk in front of the house, I felt the rush of the drive draining from my body. Confusion began to fill every recess of my mind. Each time I thought I was sure how I felt, something would happen to make me second-guess my decision and today was no exception. It was almost as if Brian had access to my innermost thoughts, using them to manipulate my emotions. Although he was very clever and could be sneaky when need be, I had to believe that the timing of his generosity was nothing more than coincidence. If not, that would mean he was mollifying me with no regard for my feelings as long as it brought him the result he wanted. I found it impossible to believe that I could have been that wrong about him for so many years. Could I have?
Throughout the rest of the evening, I fought to put myself in new-relationship mode. When it came time for bed, I tried to experience his lovemaking as if it were the first time, a time when I found it easy and exciting to be swept away by emotions and lost in a moment.
As he reached a rapid climax, I felt myself go limp. I wasn’t limp with ecstatic exhaustion, but limp with sad acceptance. My head could not talk my heart into feeling or believing something that wasn’t real just because it was easier.
Our relationship had ended long before either of us had realized it. Gone was the upcoming promise to love, honor and obey. Until-death-do-us-part meant a future filled with dread and regrets. All that remained between us was the admittance of failure and the formality of a spoken goodbye.
Brian rolled over at once, foregoing his usual after-sex commentary. There was an ominous tension in the room with us. Not only could I feel the pressure of it, but I knew that Brian could feel it too.
Nine
...I was able to keep the tears that dampened my lashes from spilling over, but the crack in my voice was more than I could help...
I turned in every direction, in search of buildings, people or any sign as to where I was. There was nothing for the heavy wind to blow through, yet somehow, it made a howling sound that raised goose bumps across my skin. Clouds raced across the sky, leaving long, dark streaks behind them.
Was I imagining the vibration in the ground beneath my feet? No, I wasn’t. In the far distance, something approached me, kicking up a cloud of dust that kept its identity hidden from my view. As it drew closer, I could hear the whine of an engine floored wide open. My apprehension became unnerving.
Squinting, I saw the object as it first came into view. Brian! It was Brian in my new Mustang. I stood paralyzed as he rapidly closed the gap between us. My mind was pulling me in one direction and then the other, but my feet refused to move from where they were frozen to the ground.
I closed my eyes tightly and screamed, “ Brian! ” as he turned the wheel sharply and began to circle around me.
He was driving too fast to keep up with him visually, so I turned my head quickly, right to left, as he made pass after pass around me. He wore a vicious smile, one that sent chills from my head to my toes, snapping at every nerve ending throughout my body.
“What do you have to say in your own defense, Meg?” He sneered as he spoke.
“Defense for what? Brian, you’re scaring me, why are you doing this?”
“Let the record show that the defendant refused to answer the question.”
Confusion throbbed in my head. His sadistic smile broadened as his circles grew smaller.
“Brian, this isn’t funny...
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