Light Before Day by Christopher Rice Page A

your phone number in case one of them needs a ride home—in case one of them happens to be around when Koffler throws a fit because his buddy Brady offed himself and the kid needs someone to talk to about it."
    He let his words sink in. "This is investigative journalism, little man. You had a huge advantage going for you and you blew it. A guy you knew socially might have been involved in the deaths of four marines. You could have been the guy's friend and walked away with something before he even knew he'd given it to you. Instead, you started a pissing contest that got you fired."
    "In an article I couldn't use something Koffler told me in confidence," I protested.
    "Of course not," he countered. "But it opens the door for something you can use. This was a huge story, little man, and you went after it like you were going to file the next day."
    The waitress came to take our orders and I heard myself ask for the veal. Jimmy ordered without taking his eyes off me, and I wondered if he was waiting for me to fall apart under pressure.
    "You still here?" he asked in a low voice.
    "I'm trying to remind myself of something," I said.
    "What?"
    "That being humbled isn't the same thing as being humiliated," I said. "Maybe if I let myself get humbled a little more often, I won't end up being humiliated so much."
    His expression softened, but I got the sense that he was sitting on a smart remark. "You want to really be humbled?" he asked. "Let me put your buddy Nate in touch with a friend at the LA Times."
    My stomach went cold. He smiled a little. "No thanks," I said.
    "Fine," he said. "But you won't be working on this one while you're on my watch. The Marine Corps will be launching an investigation of its own, which means if you go back to doing what you were doing, you'll probably end up in a military prison. That might be a fantasy of yours, but I need someone to get me coffee."
    I was already well aware that I would have to let go of the Daniel Brady story, but I still didn't like hearing someone else say it. When I didn't protest, I realized that James Wilton and I might have some kind of future together.
    "One more thing," he said softly. "What hooked you into this? Are you sleeping with this Nate kid?" I shook my head. "Do you and Koffler have some land of history together aside from what you've told me?"
    "No," I said tightly.
    "What then?"
    I could tell he wasn't going to give up.
    "I had a relationship that ended badly," I finally said. "I'm tired of thinking about it. I wanted a distraction."
    "Your mother wasn't enough?"
    "No," I answered flatly.
    "What happened with this guy? The one you were in a relationship with?"
    I stared down at the table. "He wanted me to stop drinking."
    "So it is a family disease after all," he said.
    I expected to see some judgment or revulsion in his expression, but I didn't. Still, his frank and open stare did little to convince me that I wasn't about to lose the job that had just fallen into my lap. "Maybe he wanted you to quit some other stuff, too?" he asked.
    "I've changed my ways since then," I said. "I just wasn't willing to change for him."
    "Makes sense," he said. "What happened?"
    "I've been humbled."
    "What happened with him, little man?"
    "I want this job, Mr. Wilton. You're right. I haven't been very good at showing my gratitude." I tried to keep my voice steady, but my words came out sounding like a plea.
    "And now you're showing your gratitude by stonewalling me?" he asked with a devilish smirk.
    I took a deep breath. The waitress delivered our entrees. I waited for her to leave.
    "I had a dealer," I said. "This big fat guy who always used to grab my ass and pretend like I would have to put out to get what I wanted out of him. I used to pretend that was the reason I hated visiting his apartment. It was easier than admitting I had a problem. Corey and I spent three weeks together. Every night, every minute of every day—"
    "Christ," Jimmy mumbled. "I hope the sex was good. I