Life As I Blow It by Sarah Colonna Page A

same place Andy and I had gone the night we decided to give “us” a try. I guess my car just knew that when it was time for me to break the make-out ice with someone, it should head to the park. We pulled over, parked discreetly underneath a giant lamppost, and shoved our tongues into each other’s mouths.
    It didn’t take long for a cop to pound on the window. I put my shirt back on and asked him what I could do for him.
    â€œYou can get out your ID and step out of the car, that’s what you can do for me.”
    I obliged, but in the back of my mind I was trying to figure out how the hell I could keep from getting arrested.
    Luckily I was an actress; the tears immediately started streaming down my face. I began telling the cop all about the huge fight Nick and I had just had.
    â€œWe’ve been together since I was fifteen!” I told the cop. “A few months ago I found out that he cheated on me and we broke up. He felt so bad. You know, like when you screw up and then you realize that person was the best thing thathas ever happened to you? Like that song ‘Don’t Know What You’ve Got (Till It’s Gone)’ by Cinderella. That’s what happened with us. So now we’re making up. Do you think I’m making a mistake?”
    â€œI don’t know. I mean, sometimes guys screw up, you have to consider—wait, what are you two doing at the park this late?”
    â€œThis is our spot! It’s where we first kissed. He wanted to come here to make up, like a fresh start. Isn’t that romantic?” The tears were flowing. I was so excited that I could cry on cue that I almost forgot to focus on my lie.
    The cop let us go home with a warning. He told me to get home safe and “be careful with my heart.” I was in college. I didn’t listen to cops.
    Nick and I kept seeing each other for a while. He and his girlfriend eventually broke up, most likely because I dropped him off at 4 A.M. several nights a week. At the time I was sure that hearts had to be followed—no matter the circumstances. That’s what the girl who walked down the aisle throwing rose petals at her dad’s wedding only months after her family fell apart believed. That was just the way things worked. The other side of me, the grown-up girl who believes in commitment, now knows that during that time I was a selfish asshole and so was Nick.
    Nick decided that I was now his girlfriend and we continued to be really fond of each other during play rehearsals. My feelings for him intensified my character’s joy that Bus Riley was back in town. People started saying that I was a really good actress. Co-star dating was great for my career.
    When Nick and I would go out, we’d get drunk. He liked to drink whiskey and smoke cigarettes. I was already on board with the whiskey, so I just needed to take up smokingagain. I had smoked a little in high school, which traced back to Austin Cooper. Austin had ridiculous dimples and looked amazing in a pair of Wranglers. I don’t care what you say, the Arkansas girl in me will always find that look attractive. With him I had discovered that if you were talking to a guy and he wanted a cigarette, the best way to get some one-on-one time with him was to also want a cigarette. This can even apply to female friends, but the payoff isn’t as rewarding. Nick actually reminded me a lot of Austin, without the Southern accent. Nick was from Virginia and liked to read Jack Kerouac. Austin was from Prairie Grove and couldn’t read. Austin smoked Marlboro Reds, so my throat suffered more than my heart did when he broke it. He’s been arrested a few times in the past couple of years for something to do with meth. Just like Garth Brooks said, sometimes it’s good when things don’t work out with somebody you think you love.
    While Nick and I were dating, my roommates graduated and I had to find a new place to live. I moved in with