though coming to the end of her argument. ‘Come out, Mel. You know it’ll be a laugh. I’ll personally make sure that they play Abba: Gold from beginning to end so that we can dance all night if you’ll say you’ll come. Think about it. When was the last time we all went dancing?’
‘I’d love to, babe, I really would, but I just don’t feel up to it.’
‘But you’ve done nothing wrong, Mel,’ pleaded Vicky. ‘It should be Paul avoiding you, not the other way round. It was his mistake, not yours.’
‘But that’s not really fair, is it?’
‘I’m not trying to be fair. I’m trying to be a friend. And if Paul really was trying to be a friend to you he wouldn’t come tonight anyway.’
‘But that’s not what I want either. You, Laura, Cooper and Chris are his friends as well as mine and he’s not been in contact with any of you since it all happened. And I don’t want him to feel like he’s alone in all this. That’s not what I want at all.’
‘So what do you want?’
‘I don’t know,’ I sighed. ‘And that’s why I think it’s probably best if I don’t come tonight. If I see him I don’t know what I’ll do or say so I think it would be best for all of us if I stayed away.’
Chris
It was just before seven and Vicky and I were in our bathroom getting ready to go to the party. William was in bed, Vicky’s mum was downstairs watching TV and we were both standing at the sink brushing our teeth when out of the blue, her mouth full of toothpaste, Vicky said to me, ‘I love this, you know.’
I spat my toothpaste into the sink. ‘You love what exactly?’
Vicky spat her toothpaste into the sink, rinsed her mouth and then dried her face on the hand towel behind her.
‘You’ll think I’m stupid.’
‘Try me.’
Vicky grinned shyly. ‘We were just brushing our teeth in time with each other.’
‘Were we?’
‘It was just a nice moment, that’s all.’
‘You’re easily pleased tonight.’ I glanced in the mirror at the freshly shaven skin on my chin. I looked old. I barely recognised this haggard-looking version of myself. ‘What’s brought this on?’
‘Nothing really . . . It’s just . . . you know . . . having someone brushing their teeth in unison with you . . . it’s nice. And I’m just glad I’m me and that I’ve got you and William, that’s all.’ She paused again and looked up to see if I was following her argument. ‘Does that make any sense?’
Yeah,’ I replied. ‘It does.’
Vicky had been saying stuff like this about ‘being happy’ and ‘how lucky she was to have me and William’ in her life on a regular basis since the night when I’d lost the plot coming back from Charlotte and Cameron’s. I explained it away at the time by telling her I was really stressed at work, which wasn’t hard to be convincing about as I was really stressed at work. Looking back, I can sort of see that the real reason for my episode came down to a simple truth of life: you can only manage a certain amount of holding in of things before the pressure builds up, finds a weak spot to exploit and finally makes an exit.
Melissa
Sitting in the darkness staring out of my bedroom window at the passing traffic, I thought about what Vicky had said about hiding myself away from my friends all this time. She was right. It was true. I was hiding. I wasn’t sure that I could face seeing him and Hannah. Not enough time had passed to ease the pain I felt. The memories of the night we split up were still my constant companions.
Returning alone to my flat that night I’d felt as though my whole world had ended. I just hadn’t known what to do with myself. I called Vicky and told her the vague details and in a matter of minutes she arrived in her car at mine insisting that I came back to hers so that she could look after me (even though, as I later learned, she’d had a few problems of her own to deal with that night.)
I came home the next day and set about
‘I’d love to, babe, I really would, but I just don’t feel up to it.’
‘But you’ve done nothing wrong, Mel,’ pleaded Vicky. ‘It should be Paul avoiding you, not the other way round. It was his mistake, not yours.’
‘But that’s not really fair, is it?’
‘I’m not trying to be fair. I’m trying to be a friend. And if Paul really was trying to be a friend to you he wouldn’t come tonight anyway.’
‘But that’s not what I want either. You, Laura, Cooper and Chris are his friends as well as mine and he’s not been in contact with any of you since it all happened. And I don’t want him to feel like he’s alone in all this. That’s not what I want at all.’
‘So what do you want?’
‘I don’t know,’ I sighed. ‘And that’s why I think it’s probably best if I don’t come tonight. If I see him I don’t know what I’ll do or say so I think it would be best for all of us if I stayed away.’
Chris
It was just before seven and Vicky and I were in our bathroom getting ready to go to the party. William was in bed, Vicky’s mum was downstairs watching TV and we were both standing at the sink brushing our teeth when out of the blue, her mouth full of toothpaste, Vicky said to me, ‘I love this, you know.’
I spat my toothpaste into the sink. ‘You love what exactly?’
Vicky spat her toothpaste into the sink, rinsed her mouth and then dried her face on the hand towel behind her.
‘You’ll think I’m stupid.’
‘Try me.’
Vicky grinned shyly. ‘We were just brushing our teeth in time with each other.’
‘Were we?’
‘It was just a nice moment, that’s all.’
‘You’re easily pleased tonight.’ I glanced in the mirror at the freshly shaven skin on my chin. I looked old. I barely recognised this haggard-looking version of myself. ‘What’s brought this on?’
‘Nothing really . . . It’s just . . . you know . . . having someone brushing their teeth in unison with you . . . it’s nice. And I’m just glad I’m me and that I’ve got you and William, that’s all.’ She paused again and looked up to see if I was following her argument. ‘Does that make any sense?’
Yeah,’ I replied. ‘It does.’
Vicky had been saying stuff like this about ‘being happy’ and ‘how lucky she was to have me and William’ in her life on a regular basis since the night when I’d lost the plot coming back from Charlotte and Cameron’s. I explained it away at the time by telling her I was really stressed at work, which wasn’t hard to be convincing about as I was really stressed at work. Looking back, I can sort of see that the real reason for my episode came down to a simple truth of life: you can only manage a certain amount of holding in of things before the pressure builds up, finds a weak spot to exploit and finally makes an exit.
Melissa
Sitting in the darkness staring out of my bedroom window at the passing traffic, I thought about what Vicky had said about hiding myself away from my friends all this time. She was right. It was true. I was hiding. I wasn’t sure that I could face seeing him and Hannah. Not enough time had passed to ease the pain I felt. The memories of the night we split up were still my constant companions.
Returning alone to my flat that night I’d felt as though my whole world had ended. I just hadn’t known what to do with myself. I called Vicky and told her the vague details and in a matter of minutes she arrived in her car at mine insisting that I came back to hers so that she could look after me (even though, as I later learned, she’d had a few problems of her own to deal with that night.)
I came home the next day and set about
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