A mitten falls out of the trophy and I bend to pick it up. It’s heavy, like something’s inside the mitten.
I empty the contents into the palm of my hand and see it’s a ring box. Liana wasn’t lying. This boiling anger at Swanee simmers inside me. Is that what we were to you? Trophies to add to your collection?
Jewell says from the threshold, “Did you find the book?”
Ever so slowly, I turn, sliding the ring box into my pocket. “Two, actually. They’re both overdue, but I’ll pay the fines.”
She doesn’t even say thanks, or offer to pay me back.
As she’s locking the door behind me, Jewell picks upwhere she left off. “I told Swanee she should have fun. See a lot of people. At her age, there was absolutely no reason to be tied down. Not just to you—”
I’m nauseated. I can’t even stand to look Jewell in the eye. Never have I felt such revulsion for a person. Before I say something I’ll regret, I rush to the door.
“If Joss tells you she has Swanee’s phone, you let me know.”
The words are a blur. Near the Smart car, my stomach gives out and I hurl. I want to scream. I want God or someone to fill me in on what’s right or wrong in this world, what’s honorable and decent, because the way Jewell and Asher live their lives, the morals they taught their children, it’s no wonder Swanee was the way she was. Even if I didn’t know them that long, how naïve could I be? How stupid? Suddenly my parents look like demigods next to them.
Did Swanee ever really love me, or was it all just a sham?
I text Liana:
I found your ring. Maybe you can return it for a refund
She doesn’t text back, so I curl into a ball on my bed and cover my head with my pillow. I wish I could stop thinking, stop feeling, just… stop. My phone rings and it’s a text from Liana:
Thanks! Sorry, I didn’t get your message earlier. We were in the semis for girls’ basketball so we went to cheer at their game. And yeah, I do want it back
I text:
Do you want me to mail it?
NO!!! I didn’t tell my mom and dad we were engaged
Engaged. I still can’t believe it was real, even with the ring as proof. Does Liana believe it was? Why would Swanee hook up with me if she loved Liana enough to marry her?
Liana texts:
She probably planned to pawn the ring and keep the money
To add to the fortune under her mattress, I think.
Liana texts:
You okay?
Me? No. I hurt. My heart aches. I want to hate Swanee for duping me and Liana, but I can’t seem to get there. My love for Swanee was real, and still is.
Liana texts again:
Alix, you there?
I text back:
Yeah, just working through some things
She texts:
Me too. I can’t stop crying. One minute I’m sad, then mad, then confused and empty. I could go on
She doesn’t have to.
She texts:
We won our game, yay, so I’ll be cheering on Wed at the Denver Coliseum. Is Arvada playing?
I text:
Doubtful. We suck at everything but track
She texts:
Do you want to meet after the game? Maybe talking it out will help
My heart does a little flutter, even though I know she’s probably just interested in getting her ring back.
Sure
She texts:
Since you don’t have a car, why don’t I just come to your house to pick you up? Unless you’re not out to your parents and they might ask questions
I text:
No, they know I’m a lesbian. That’s not a problem. What time?
It’s a late game so it won’t end until 10 or 10:30
Breaking curfew is a problem. If only my parents were more lenient, like… forget that.
I text:
See you then
Dad and Mom are both up, dressed for work, hustling to eat breakfast and feed Ethan before he goes off to day care.
“Can I help?” I ask.
They both gawk at me.
Mom says, “You can feed Ethan so I can finish my breakfast and get dressed.”
I don’t quite have the hang of scooping food into Ethan’s mouth without losing most of it down his front, but eventually we get this rhythm going where he opens, I shovel, and then I wait for him to swallow before offering
I empty the contents into the palm of my hand and see it’s a ring box. Liana wasn’t lying. This boiling anger at Swanee simmers inside me. Is that what we were to you? Trophies to add to your collection?
Jewell says from the threshold, “Did you find the book?”
Ever so slowly, I turn, sliding the ring box into my pocket. “Two, actually. They’re both overdue, but I’ll pay the fines.”
She doesn’t even say thanks, or offer to pay me back.
As she’s locking the door behind me, Jewell picks upwhere she left off. “I told Swanee she should have fun. See a lot of people. At her age, there was absolutely no reason to be tied down. Not just to you—”
I’m nauseated. I can’t even stand to look Jewell in the eye. Never have I felt such revulsion for a person. Before I say something I’ll regret, I rush to the door.
“If Joss tells you she has Swanee’s phone, you let me know.”
The words are a blur. Near the Smart car, my stomach gives out and I hurl. I want to scream. I want God or someone to fill me in on what’s right or wrong in this world, what’s honorable and decent, because the way Jewell and Asher live their lives, the morals they taught their children, it’s no wonder Swanee was the way she was. Even if I didn’t know them that long, how naïve could I be? How stupid? Suddenly my parents look like demigods next to them.
Did Swanee ever really love me, or was it all just a sham?
I text Liana:
I found your ring. Maybe you can return it for a refund
She doesn’t text back, so I curl into a ball on my bed and cover my head with my pillow. I wish I could stop thinking, stop feeling, just… stop. My phone rings and it’s a text from Liana:
Thanks! Sorry, I didn’t get your message earlier. We were in the semis for girls’ basketball so we went to cheer at their game. And yeah, I do want it back
I text:
Do you want me to mail it?
NO!!! I didn’t tell my mom and dad we were engaged
Engaged. I still can’t believe it was real, even with the ring as proof. Does Liana believe it was? Why would Swanee hook up with me if she loved Liana enough to marry her?
Liana texts:
She probably planned to pawn the ring and keep the money
To add to the fortune under her mattress, I think.
Liana texts:
You okay?
Me? No. I hurt. My heart aches. I want to hate Swanee for duping me and Liana, but I can’t seem to get there. My love for Swanee was real, and still is.
Liana texts again:
Alix, you there?
I text back:
Yeah, just working through some things
She texts:
Me too. I can’t stop crying. One minute I’m sad, then mad, then confused and empty. I could go on
She doesn’t have to.
She texts:
We won our game, yay, so I’ll be cheering on Wed at the Denver Coliseum. Is Arvada playing?
I text:
Doubtful. We suck at everything but track
She texts:
Do you want to meet after the game? Maybe talking it out will help
My heart does a little flutter, even though I know she’s probably just interested in getting her ring back.
Sure
She texts:
Since you don’t have a car, why don’t I just come to your house to pick you up? Unless you’re not out to your parents and they might ask questions
I text:
No, they know I’m a lesbian. That’s not a problem. What time?
It’s a late game so it won’t end until 10 or 10:30
Breaking curfew is a problem. If only my parents were more lenient, like… forget that.
I text:
See you then
Dad and Mom are both up, dressed for work, hustling to eat breakfast and feed Ethan before he goes off to day care.
“Can I help?” I ask.
They both gawk at me.
Mom says, “You can feed Ethan so I can finish my breakfast and get dressed.”
I don’t quite have the hang of scooping food into Ethan’s mouth without losing most of it down his front, but eventually we get this rhythm going where he opens, I shovel, and then I wait for him to swallow before offering
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