Letting Go by Ann O'Leary Page B

moonlight that cut across the ceiling. The apartment was silent, except for Kelly’s rhythmic breathing. A cold desolate feeling, like an ominous shadow, slowly crept over Laura. She felt a knot begin to tighten in her stomach. Her body beneath the warm quilt felt chilled. Her heart began to pound, and she was gripped by a feeling of panic. It was years since she’d felt quite like this. Despite the warmth of the woman sleeping beside her, Laura felt utterly alone. As she lay there, her body tense, her mind began to fill with disturbing, fragmented images. She saw Kate’s brown eyes filled with tears—“Why can’t it be me?” She heard Kate’s voice— “Make love with me, Laura…” Then Alex’s limp body reappeared in her mind and Laura remembered her lips pressed against icy cold skin—“Alex, don’t leave me…
    don’t leave me.”
    Laura found herself whispering those words aloud in the darkness— Don’t leave me —as with horror she re-lived that moment when her own life had also seemed to slip away. She wiped at her face, wet with tears, and turning over, away from Kelly, she eventually fell into a restless troubled sleep.
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    * * *
    Laura woke at six the next day. She felt tired and headachy, she looked across at Kelly who was still asleep, then slipped quietly out of bed and went downstairs. She made herself some coffee and sat looking out through the French doors at the sea. Only a few cars swept by on the Esplanade below at this early hour. A fine misty rain was falling, and the sky was overcast. The leaden sea swelled in oily slow motion. Laura lit a cigarette and watched the blue-gray smoke curling upwards, as she sipped her strong coffee.
    As soon as she’d opened her eyes this morning, her first thoughts were of Kate. She was frustrated and furious with herself. She’d tried everything to prevent Kate from becoming an obsession—except, of course, to stop seeing her altogether. That would be impossible. It was Kate’s fault too, she fumed silently. Why couldn’t she have just taken no for an answer? She just didn’t need this complication in her life. Overwhelmingly, Laura was possessed with the guilt. She was betraying Kate’s trust and only getting away with this because Kate was too sweet and too innocent to believe she would still be seeing Kelly. But as much as Laura pondered the situation, she couldn’t think of any other solution. The fact was, despite her fears, she loved having Kate in her life. She would just have to work harder at keeping this attraction in perspective. She was Kate’s first real lover, and Kate was enjoying it, for all it was worth. For now. But in due course, Kate would move on, and Laura was determined that when that time came, her life would go on as before, undisturbed.
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    Thank God for Kelly, Laura thought. Without her she’d be in real trouble. Another thought hovered in the back of her mind, however, that she wasn’t willing to examine just then. She had woken on Saturday and Sunday mornings with Kate beside her and felt wonderful. She had woken this morning feeling desolate.
    She heard Kelly go into the bathroom and have a shower. She made some more coffee and turned her thoughts to the presentation she had to make today at the office. Soon, Kelly came downstairs ready for work, wearing the change of clothes she had brought with her.
    “Good morning, gorgeous.” She put her arms around Laura and kissed her.
    Laura held her close and returned the kiss. Last night, before Laura’s melancholy mood had overtaken her, had been wonderful. Laura hoped that Kelly would forget about her initial reticence. “I’ve made you some fresh coffee,” she said, handing her a cup. “And when am I going to see you again?” she added with a smile.
    “Well, I was disappointed that you were already up when I woke,” Kelly said seductively, “because I was planning a morning ambush on you.”
    “Were you now?” Laura teased.
    “I mentioned a while ago