the one that tells me he’ll never even
come close to driving drunk again. That he’ll never, ever
forgive himself for killing his best friend. Isn’t that enough?
Can’t that be enough for Nash?
But I don’t care about Nash anymore. I care about whether it’s
enough for me. And overwhelmingly, the answer is yes.
“Ellie.”
I twist around. Lennox is standing on the edge of the tree line, a
handful of grocery store flowers in one hand. He quirks a sad smile
at me and steps down the path toward my tree.
“What’re you doing here?” I ask. I don’t mean
it to sound accusing, but he winces, leaning back from me.
“I just wanted to pay my respects.” He glances down the
path toward the picnic shelter. We’re far enough away that
there’s no chance Nash and the others could see him, but he
looks nervous all the same. “I’m not interrupting, am I?”
I draw my knees up under my chin. “No. It’s just . . .
I don’t think Nash gives a shit about your respects.”
“Well, I’m not here for Nash. I’m here for Troy.”
He sighs. “So Nash is still furious?”
“He started out okay today. But then he got trashed, and he’s
getting all grabby, like I’m his fucking property again,
and . . .” I exhale. “Shit. I guess I’m
a little drunk, too.”
“You’re not ready to be his property again?” Lennox
asks, grinning wryly.
“I’m not ready to be his, period.”
I drop my knees and stretch my legs out in front of me. Lennox is the
last person I should be telling this to, but I have to get these
thoughts out of my head. I’m making no progress turning them
over and over in my skull.
“God. I wish I could just get out of here for a while. Leave
the boys behind. I’m not . . . I’m not
sure who I am without them.”
“I know that feeling.” Lennox sinks down into the grass
beside me. There’s a comfortable amount of space between us,
but I kind of wish there wasn’t. “That’s the thing
with crews. They’re one part family and one part cult.”
“Cult. Yeah.” I laugh, bitter. “Well, it really is
family for me. I owe Uncle D my life. I just . . .
sometimes I wish I could learn how to be my own person around them,
too.”
“You are you own person. Look at you.” Lennox waves the
flowers toward me. “You’re goddamned gorgeous. Clever as
can be. Good with cars, with numbers . . . And so far,
you’ve made good choices. Nothing catastrophic, you know?
Nothing you can’t come back from.”
I tilt my head back against the tree trunk. “No. Just a bunch
of promises I can’t keep.”
Lennox goes very still. Fuck. I’m way out of line, and we both
know it. He exhales and lowers his head. “Yeah, well, you’re
not the only one.”
I swallow and close my eyes.
“Maybe we could get away,” he says quietly. “If—if
you wanted to. Even if just for an evening. Leave Ridgecrest behind.”
I open my eyes again and meet his warm brown gaze. For all the
sadness around his edges, it’s still as inviting and comforting
as it was years ago. “Yeah?” I smile, nervous.
“You’d—you’d do that with me?”
“You know me. I’ve always been a sucker for trying to put
a smile on your face.” Lennox grins. He leans toward me and
tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “And I don’t
think I’ve seen you smile—not really—ever since I
came back.”
My chest aches with sadness. “Things haven’t been easy
lately,” I admit. “Honestly, they haven’t been easy
for years.”
“Well, I’d love the chance to set things right.
Ellie . . . Sometimes, memories of you were the only
thing that got me through a rough night on the inside.” He
ducks his head, embarrassed. “I figure the least I can do is
return the favor, if you’ll let me.”
A chance to get away and sort out what I want to tell Nash. And a
chance to spend more time with Lennox. I’ve heard the crew’s
side of the story for four years, now. Maybe it’s Lennox’s
turn.
And
come close to driving drunk again. That he’ll never, ever
forgive himself for killing his best friend. Isn’t that enough?
Can’t that be enough for Nash?
But I don’t care about Nash anymore. I care about whether it’s
enough for me. And overwhelmingly, the answer is yes.
“Ellie.”
I twist around. Lennox is standing on the edge of the tree line, a
handful of grocery store flowers in one hand. He quirks a sad smile
at me and steps down the path toward my tree.
“What’re you doing here?” I ask. I don’t mean
it to sound accusing, but he winces, leaning back from me.
“I just wanted to pay my respects.” He glances down the
path toward the picnic shelter. We’re far enough away that
there’s no chance Nash and the others could see him, but he
looks nervous all the same. “I’m not interrupting, am I?”
I draw my knees up under my chin. “No. It’s just . . .
I don’t think Nash gives a shit about your respects.”
“Well, I’m not here for Nash. I’m here for Troy.”
He sighs. “So Nash is still furious?”
“He started out okay today. But then he got trashed, and he’s
getting all grabby, like I’m his fucking property again,
and . . .” I exhale. “Shit. I guess I’m
a little drunk, too.”
“You’re not ready to be his property again?” Lennox
asks, grinning wryly.
“I’m not ready to be his, period.”
I drop my knees and stretch my legs out in front of me. Lennox is the
last person I should be telling this to, but I have to get these
thoughts out of my head. I’m making no progress turning them
over and over in my skull.
“God. I wish I could just get out of here for a while. Leave
the boys behind. I’m not . . . I’m not
sure who I am without them.”
“I know that feeling.” Lennox sinks down into the grass
beside me. There’s a comfortable amount of space between us,
but I kind of wish there wasn’t. “That’s the thing
with crews. They’re one part family and one part cult.”
“Cult. Yeah.” I laugh, bitter. “Well, it really is
family for me. I owe Uncle D my life. I just . . .
sometimes I wish I could learn how to be my own person around them,
too.”
“You are you own person. Look at you.” Lennox waves the
flowers toward me. “You’re goddamned gorgeous. Clever as
can be. Good with cars, with numbers . . . And so far,
you’ve made good choices. Nothing catastrophic, you know?
Nothing you can’t come back from.”
I tilt my head back against the tree trunk. “No. Just a bunch
of promises I can’t keep.”
Lennox goes very still. Fuck. I’m way out of line, and we both
know it. He exhales and lowers his head. “Yeah, well, you’re
not the only one.”
I swallow and close my eyes.
“Maybe we could get away,” he says quietly. “If—if
you wanted to. Even if just for an evening. Leave Ridgecrest behind.”
I open my eyes again and meet his warm brown gaze. For all the
sadness around his edges, it’s still as inviting and comforting
as it was years ago. “Yeah?” I smile, nervous.
“You’d—you’d do that with me?”
“You know me. I’ve always been a sucker for trying to put
a smile on your face.” Lennox grins. He leans toward me and
tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “And I don’t
think I’ve seen you smile—not really—ever since I
came back.”
My chest aches with sadness. “Things haven’t been easy
lately,” I admit. “Honestly, they haven’t been easy
for years.”
“Well, I’d love the chance to set things right.
Ellie . . . Sometimes, memories of you were the only
thing that got me through a rough night on the inside.” He
ducks his head, embarrassed. “I figure the least I can do is
return the favor, if you’ll let me.”
A chance to get away and sort out what I want to tell Nash. And a
chance to spend more time with Lennox. I’ve heard the crew’s
side of the story for four years, now. Maybe it’s Lennox’s
turn.
And
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