“Don’t worry, we aren’t going any farther. I think today, I’ll just teach you how to paddle- out .” He reaches up like he’s going to touch my face, then seems to think better of it, and forms his lips into a tight line. “Okay, climb up on the board and lay your body on the center of it.”
I try to maneuver my way on, but it’s not as easy as he makes it sound.
“Don’t lean back like that, you’ll make the nose rise, that’ll create too much resistance,” Deo explains. He physically moves me onto the board, his strong hands gripping my hips as he slides me slowly around like the tasty shark morsel that I’m about to become.
I start to panic, all of my nervous fears suddenly jumping and crashing into each other under the black ocean waves. Every instinct in my body screams for me to get off this damn board and swim as fast as I can back to the safety of the shore.
Deo rubs his hands up along my thighs in a way that’s more protective than sexual. “Whit, look at me.” I turn my head in the direction of his voice. I register the sharp promise in his eyes. “I will not let you get hurt. Trust me. I promise you.”
And, despite all shark-related, wipe-out-fearing logic, I do trust him. The look in his eyes calms my erratic heartbeat, and I feel sure I can do this, this crazy, amazing thing I’ve always wanted to do. Deo gives me courage to full-on attack every fear that’s keeping me from trying. And keeping me from living fully. From doing what scares the crap out of me. I swallow hard, make my best attempt at a smile, and let myself just trust that he’ll be there to watch my back in case I crash and burn. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
***
<“So, what’d you think?” Deo asks as he carries the boards back up the beach. My arms are limp noodles, and my legs don’t want to work properly. I keep stumbling and bumping into Deo as I attempt to walk again.
“It was great!” I search my mind for better words to describe the rush of being so immersed in the ocean, the thrill of mastering this skill that scared me for such a long time, the sweet realization that I could put my trust in Deo and let go for a little while. But all I manage is a wet, dopey grin.
“Come on, for real?” He stashes the boards in his Jeep and opens the passenger side door for me, his body warm and so close I want to lick it.
Ugh, no! Bad friend, bad friend, Whit.
“Thanks, buddy,” I say, even though I’m aware it’s more than slightly obnoxious. I need to voice our boundaries before my addled mind and body forget and lead us somewhere we can’t come back from. “I think next time will be better, you know, when I’m not so nervous. And maybe next time we get together, I can teach you something.” My tongue feels weirdly thick, I assume from all the salt water and sheer, amazing exhaustion.
Deo starts the Jeep and grins. “Doll, I have no doubt you could teach me things. Where to?”
We end up back at my apartment, because, it's one of those perfect days with a friend that you’re never quite ready to have come to an end.
“Do you want a beer?” I pace over to the fridge as he sprawls on my tiny loveseat.
Deo narrows his eyes at me. “Have you been holding out on me? I thought you weren’t old enough to drink?”
I laugh and pull my wallet out of my bamboo beach bag.
“I have a fake ID.” I proudly produce the Pennsylvania State ID that I paid a shit-ton of money for. The picture is just over a year old, and it’s out of state now that I’m in California, but it hasn’t failed me yet.
“No shit.” Deo plucks the license from my
I try to maneuver my way on, but it’s not as easy as he makes it sound.
“Don’t lean back like that, you’ll make the nose rise, that’ll create too much resistance,” Deo explains. He physically moves me onto the board, his strong hands gripping my hips as he slides me slowly around like the tasty shark morsel that I’m about to become.
I start to panic, all of my nervous fears suddenly jumping and crashing into each other under the black ocean waves. Every instinct in my body screams for me to get off this damn board and swim as fast as I can back to the safety of the shore.
Deo rubs his hands up along my thighs in a way that’s more protective than sexual. “Whit, look at me.” I turn my head in the direction of his voice. I register the sharp promise in his eyes. “I will not let you get hurt. Trust me. I promise you.”
And, despite all shark-related, wipe-out-fearing logic, I do trust him. The look in his eyes calms my erratic heartbeat, and I feel sure I can do this, this crazy, amazing thing I’ve always wanted to do. Deo gives me courage to full-on attack every fear that’s keeping me from trying. And keeping me from living fully. From doing what scares the crap out of me. I swallow hard, make my best attempt at a smile, and let myself just trust that he’ll be there to watch my back in case I crash and burn. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
***
<“So, what’d you think?” Deo asks as he carries the boards back up the beach. My arms are limp noodles, and my legs don’t want to work properly. I keep stumbling and bumping into Deo as I attempt to walk again.
“It was great!” I search my mind for better words to describe the rush of being so immersed in the ocean, the thrill of mastering this skill that scared me for such a long time, the sweet realization that I could put my trust in Deo and let go for a little while. But all I manage is a wet, dopey grin.
“Come on, for real?” He stashes the boards in his Jeep and opens the passenger side door for me, his body warm and so close I want to lick it.
Ugh, no! Bad friend, bad friend, Whit.
“Thanks, buddy,” I say, even though I’m aware it’s more than slightly obnoxious. I need to voice our boundaries before my addled mind and body forget and lead us somewhere we can’t come back from. “I think next time will be better, you know, when I’m not so nervous. And maybe next time we get together, I can teach you something.” My tongue feels weirdly thick, I assume from all the salt water and sheer, amazing exhaustion.
Deo starts the Jeep and grins. “Doll, I have no doubt you could teach me things. Where to?”
We end up back at my apartment, because, it's one of those perfect days with a friend that you’re never quite ready to have come to an end.
“Do you want a beer?” I pace over to the fridge as he sprawls on my tiny loveseat.
Deo narrows his eyes at me. “Have you been holding out on me? I thought you weren’t old enough to drink?”
I laugh and pull my wallet out of my bamboo beach bag.
“I have a fake ID.” I proudly produce the Pennsylvania State ID that I paid a shit-ton of money for. The picture is just over a year old, and it’s out of state now that I’m in California, but it hasn’t failed me yet.
“No shit.” Deo plucks the license from my
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