gathered where the pavement met the road. They flagged down a black cab and left the glow of the gallery behind them.
*
Libby made Ella a cup of hot chocolate topped with nutmeg and brought it over to the bed where she was tucked up. She looked distraught, just like she had done when Robbie had left her last Christmas time.
“I am SO mad at him Ella! I can’t even imagine what you must be going through,” Libby puffed. “How could he just show up like that after a year of nothing? No contact. No phone call. No explanation. Only a fucking note!”
Ella’s eyes were glazed over. Her knees up by her face and she was resting her hot chocolate on top of them. She stared into her mug. She looked childlike and fragile in her muted turmoil.
“I don’t understand,” she whispered finally. “It’s just so unfair. He’s so selfish.”
Libby took off her shoes and jeans, took a pair of pyjama bottoms from Ella’s cupboard and sat down next to her in the bed.
“Incredibly selfish. I wish I had got to him first. I was bloody shocked. We should have stopped him as soon as we saw him. I’m sorry Ell.”
“Oh please Libs, don’t apologise. It’s not your fault,” she said as she put the mug to her lips and drank some of the warming chocolate. “He was so determined to talk to me I doubt anything would have stopped him. You know what he’s like.”
“I thought Charlie was going to punch him right in the middle of the gallery when I saw him follow Robbie off. I’m not sure if he caught up with Robbie but I know he tried. He’s so protective of you.”
“I know. God, I would have liked to see him punch Robbie,” Ella said passionately. She started to cry again. “I just … why now? What does he want?” she said through sobs. “I was just getting over him and I’ve just met Fergus and he comes crashing back into my life like a bulldozer.”
“Did you get an idea from him of what he was doing here? What he wants? What did he actually say to you? Does he want to be back with you, is that why he was here?”
“I don’t know. It’s all a bit of a blur to be honest. He said he was sorry. He said he had something to tell me. Something to ask me.” Ella finished the rest of her drink.
“Ask you?” Libby questioned.
“Yup.” Ella shrugged. Robbie had caused her so much pain over the last year. She had spent too many days curled under her duvet in the dark wishing it were all a nightmare when he first left. Was she back to square one now that he was back?
“Are you going to meet him tomorrow?” Libby asked, taking the empty mug and placing it on the bedside table. Ella fluffed up her pillow and sank into her friend’s shoulder. Libby smelt of the orange body lotion she had worn since they were teenagers. The citrus smell comforted her.
“Do you think I should?” Ella asked as Libby started to stroke her best friend’s hair as if it might help mend her broken heart.
“I don’t know Ell.” She paused. “On the one hand, I think fuck him. He doesn’t deserve to see you and it I think it will only make you feel worse to see him again when you’ve made such brave efforts to get over him recently. But on the other hand, I feel like after six years together, you owe it to each other to speak about what happened to your relationship. It might be good for you. It might help you move forwards. But it’s hard to know how to advise you if we don’t know what he wants to talk about. If he wants to talk about getting back together then that’s a totally different problem altogether.”
Ella was quiet. “Mmm,” she said contemplatively.
“Ella, can I ask you if you still love him?” Libby asked hesitantly.
“Million dollar question eh? I’ve spent the last year hating him. But I spent six years prior to that loving him.” Ella sighed. “I guess the answer is yes. Of course I still love him. It doesn’t just go away like that but I resent myself for that. I don’t want to love him. I
*
Libby made Ella a cup of hot chocolate topped with nutmeg and brought it over to the bed where she was tucked up. She looked distraught, just like she had done when Robbie had left her last Christmas time.
“I am SO mad at him Ella! I can’t even imagine what you must be going through,” Libby puffed. “How could he just show up like that after a year of nothing? No contact. No phone call. No explanation. Only a fucking note!”
Ella’s eyes were glazed over. Her knees up by her face and she was resting her hot chocolate on top of them. She stared into her mug. She looked childlike and fragile in her muted turmoil.
“I don’t understand,” she whispered finally. “It’s just so unfair. He’s so selfish.”
Libby took off her shoes and jeans, took a pair of pyjama bottoms from Ella’s cupboard and sat down next to her in the bed.
“Incredibly selfish. I wish I had got to him first. I was bloody shocked. We should have stopped him as soon as we saw him. I’m sorry Ell.”
“Oh please Libs, don’t apologise. It’s not your fault,” she said as she put the mug to her lips and drank some of the warming chocolate. “He was so determined to talk to me I doubt anything would have stopped him. You know what he’s like.”
“I thought Charlie was going to punch him right in the middle of the gallery when I saw him follow Robbie off. I’m not sure if he caught up with Robbie but I know he tried. He’s so protective of you.”
“I know. God, I would have liked to see him punch Robbie,” Ella said passionately. She started to cry again. “I just … why now? What does he want?” she said through sobs. “I was just getting over him and I’ve just met Fergus and he comes crashing back into my life like a bulldozer.”
“Did you get an idea from him of what he was doing here? What he wants? What did he actually say to you? Does he want to be back with you, is that why he was here?”
“I don’t know. It’s all a bit of a blur to be honest. He said he was sorry. He said he had something to tell me. Something to ask me.” Ella finished the rest of her drink.
“Ask you?” Libby questioned.
“Yup.” Ella shrugged. Robbie had caused her so much pain over the last year. She had spent too many days curled under her duvet in the dark wishing it were all a nightmare when he first left. Was she back to square one now that he was back?
“Are you going to meet him tomorrow?” Libby asked, taking the empty mug and placing it on the bedside table. Ella fluffed up her pillow and sank into her friend’s shoulder. Libby smelt of the orange body lotion she had worn since they were teenagers. The citrus smell comforted her.
“Do you think I should?” Ella asked as Libby started to stroke her best friend’s hair as if it might help mend her broken heart.
“I don’t know Ell.” She paused. “On the one hand, I think fuck him. He doesn’t deserve to see you and it I think it will only make you feel worse to see him again when you’ve made such brave efforts to get over him recently. But on the other hand, I feel like after six years together, you owe it to each other to speak about what happened to your relationship. It might be good for you. It might help you move forwards. But it’s hard to know how to advise you if we don’t know what he wants to talk about. If he wants to talk about getting back together then that’s a totally different problem altogether.”
Ella was quiet. “Mmm,” she said contemplatively.
“Ella, can I ask you if you still love him?” Libby asked hesitantly.
“Million dollar question eh? I’ve spent the last year hating him. But I spent six years prior to that loving him.” Ella sighed. “I guess the answer is yes. Of course I still love him. It doesn’t just go away like that but I resent myself for that. I don’t want to love him. I
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