Know Not Why: A Novel by Hannah Johnson Page B

and Cora go change back into their
non-Christmas gear while Artie and I clean up and keep an eye on
stuff out front. We don’t really talk. Then the girls come back,
and it’s our turn. Arthur heads back there really fast. I can’t
blame him.
    I let him get in the bathroom first. It seems
fair, considering he’s wearing a jolly red suit and stuffed about
twice his normal size, whereas I’m just rocking a pair of antlers.
He comes out after five minutes, straightening his tie, and he’s
Arthur again. He’s carrying the beard in one hand, and the rest of
the costume is slung over his other arm.
    I don’t say anything. I don’t really know what to say, besides, like, ‘Har dee har, how ‘bout that
universe and its unending quest to make us gay for each other – are
those some hilarious hijinks or what?’ Thanks but no thanks.
    Arthur looks at me and smiles a little.
    “What?” I ask, immediately suspicious. He might
be entertained by all this gay stuff – hell, he is gay, what
has he got to worry about? – and that’s just great for him,
but—
    “Nose,” he replies.
    Lipstick. You could even say it glowed (like a
lightbulb!). “Oh, yeah.”
    I go into the bathroom, wet some toilet paper
under the sink, and set to work trying to get my nose un red.
It’s way harder than it should be. It’s not glaring crimson
anymore, but there’s a distinct ruddiness that definitely isn’t
there under normal circumstances. Just fantastic.
    I see something out of the corner of my eye, and
when I look over, Arthur’s leaning against the doorframe.
    “Having trouble?” he asks – harmlessly, though.
If he’s mocking me, he’s at least being subtle about it.
    “She could have mentioned this was gonna be
permanent before she attacked me,” I grumble, swiping at my nose
again.
    “Kristy,” Arthur says, in a way that pretty much
sums it all up.
    “Kristy,” I agree.
    “Speaking of – thank you for lending her the
DVDs.”
    “No problem.” I’d never really counted on a
thank you. If I’d thought of expecting one, I probably wouldn’t
have done it. “So, uh. Why are you still suffering through Kristy’s
TV, anyway? Apartment hunting not going well?”
    “To be honest, I haven’t gotten started
yet.”
    “Oh yeah?”
    “Yeah. I think I might be being lazy.” He says
it like he can’t quite know for sure, like he doesn’t have any
prior experience.
    I can’t help it, I find that delightful.
“Really? I didn’t know you were wired for laziness.”
    “Apparently,” he says, chuckling.
    “Just like the rest of us,” I mock-marvel.
    I lean nearer to the mirror, scrunching up my
nose experimentally. It’s starting to look okay. Which is good,
because if I have to keep this up much longer, I’m going to rub off
my whole nose, and there’s no way Kristy’s not gonna feel
super-guilty—
    Out of nowhere, Arthur starts laughing. It’s
quiet at first, and then he really starts going.
    I look over at him, tossing the lipstick-stained
toilet paper into the trash. “What?”
    For a long time, he doesn’t say anything – just
shakes his head like I’m going to politely ignore him. I keep
staring, and finally he goes, by way of explanation, “‘You have to
ride him.’”
    Immediately, I feel myself blushing.
    “Oh, shit,” I groan – it’s all I can come up
with. Despite myself, I start to smile.
    “I think I should have been surprised,” he
continues, still laughing. “But honestly, after all of this that’s
gone on, I wasn’t. It was more like – of course. Of course, at this
point. Why not?”
    “Exactly! What is up with that?”
    “I have no idea! I don’t think I want to
know.”
    “I’m so tired of it, aren’t you?” I
gesture back and forth between us. “Like, you and me and there’s
this – like – you know what I mean? This awkward crap. I’m so sick of it. It’s making me nuts.”
    “God, yes,” Arthur sighs. “Me too.”
    “Good,” I say. “Good.”
    We laugh