out.”
“But...I’m seventeen and you’re—”
“I know how old I am, thank you. What’s it matter? I love you. You’re not just my best friend anymore, kiddo. You’re everything that I didn’t know I always wanted. You’re my soul-mate, you dumb dildo. I love you.”
“‘Dumb dildo’? Oh, be still my heart. And you owe me another buck.”
“Is that the best you can do?”
“No—I love you, too.” I felt like my bones were going to dissolve from the want of her.
“Are you happy right now? Right here?”
I smiled. “You’re kidding, right? The girl I’ve been in love with all my life just told me that she feels the same way, lays one of the greatest kisses in the history of history itself on me, and finishes up by informing me that she’s taking me to a hotel to divest me of the burden of my virginity—”
“—oh, I knew you were still a virgin. You have any idea how hot that is?—”
“—and you ask if I’m happy ? Jack Lemmon was happy when he won the Oscar for Save the Tiger —fantastic movie, by the way; the troops in Vietnam were happy when Nixon finally came to his senses and ordered everyone to get the hell out and come home; and I’m sure that John Travolta is happy that people don’t think of him as just another Sweat-Hog anymore after Saturday Night Fever , but this? The way I feel right now? I’d have to swallow a whole bottle of downers to reach just happy .There isn’t a word yet for how fantastic I’m feeling.”
“So you’re saying yes, you are happy?”
“Something along those lines, yes.”
Now it was her turn to smile; a slow, knowing, slightly naughty smile. “Oh, you’re gonnabe happier. A lot happier. In about half an hour or so, right now is going to seem downright dull to you.”
She nailed that one. Then me. Four times. She’d bought two boxes of condoms (three to a pack, and we still called them “rubbers”)and bet me a year’s worth of back-rubs that I couldn’t last through one box. I made it all the way through the first one from the second box before she and I didn’t so much fall asleep as pass out. I say this not to boast (c’mon, I was seventeen and a virgin; most days I was so horny the crack of dawn wasn’t safe) but to give you some idea of how gloriously unhinged the whole experience was. It was romantic and primal, awkward and embarrassing, spectacular and funny, life-affirming and depressing as hell, always surprising (she did things with me I didn’t think two bodies were capable of doing, even with lubricants), and even a little...mystifying. We fell out of bed laughing, we got a little mushy, a lot dirty, very sweaty, and ultimately so sore neither of us walked very fast or very straight for a day or two afterward.
So, yeah; I was happy.
After that day, things between us only got better.
Both of us were stunned by this. In most cases when sex enters into a friendship, the friendship goes straight down the tubes; Beth and I only grew closer. For the next three years we were nearly inseparable; everything she said or did was new to me, because I was seeing them for the first time as the guy she loved , not just her best friend. And for some reason I didn’t understand but also wouldn’t question, she never tired of my company, my voice, or my body. She and I became us , and remained us even when we weren’t together. There was nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.
She did lose some friends over being with me, but she honestly didn’t care. “You know what it is? We’re all skidding down the off-ramp toward thirty, and here I am with this hot young stud. They’re stuck with guys their own age who aren’t as energetic as they used to be, and they see the way my cheeks are always flushed and my eyes have this constant, satiated gleam .”
“So they’re jealous that you have a boy-toy, is that it?”
“‘ Boy-toy ’? That’s a new one. Where’d you hear it?”
“Some actress on The Tonight Show with Johnny
“But...I’m seventeen and you’re—”
“I know how old I am, thank you. What’s it matter? I love you. You’re not just my best friend anymore, kiddo. You’re everything that I didn’t know I always wanted. You’re my soul-mate, you dumb dildo. I love you.”
“‘Dumb dildo’? Oh, be still my heart. And you owe me another buck.”
“Is that the best you can do?”
“No—I love you, too.” I felt like my bones were going to dissolve from the want of her.
“Are you happy right now? Right here?”
I smiled. “You’re kidding, right? The girl I’ve been in love with all my life just told me that she feels the same way, lays one of the greatest kisses in the history of history itself on me, and finishes up by informing me that she’s taking me to a hotel to divest me of the burden of my virginity—”
“—oh, I knew you were still a virgin. You have any idea how hot that is?—”
“—and you ask if I’m happy ? Jack Lemmon was happy when he won the Oscar for Save the Tiger —fantastic movie, by the way; the troops in Vietnam were happy when Nixon finally came to his senses and ordered everyone to get the hell out and come home; and I’m sure that John Travolta is happy that people don’t think of him as just another Sweat-Hog anymore after Saturday Night Fever , but this? The way I feel right now? I’d have to swallow a whole bottle of downers to reach just happy .There isn’t a word yet for how fantastic I’m feeling.”
“So you’re saying yes, you are happy?”
“Something along those lines, yes.”
Now it was her turn to smile; a slow, knowing, slightly naughty smile. “Oh, you’re gonnabe happier. A lot happier. In about half an hour or so, right now is going to seem downright dull to you.”
She nailed that one. Then me. Four times. She’d bought two boxes of condoms (three to a pack, and we still called them “rubbers”)and bet me a year’s worth of back-rubs that I couldn’t last through one box. I made it all the way through the first one from the second box before she and I didn’t so much fall asleep as pass out. I say this not to boast (c’mon, I was seventeen and a virgin; most days I was so horny the crack of dawn wasn’t safe) but to give you some idea of how gloriously unhinged the whole experience was. It was romantic and primal, awkward and embarrassing, spectacular and funny, life-affirming and depressing as hell, always surprising (she did things with me I didn’t think two bodies were capable of doing, even with lubricants), and even a little...mystifying. We fell out of bed laughing, we got a little mushy, a lot dirty, very sweaty, and ultimately so sore neither of us walked very fast or very straight for a day or two afterward.
So, yeah; I was happy.
After that day, things between us only got better.
Both of us were stunned by this. In most cases when sex enters into a friendship, the friendship goes straight down the tubes; Beth and I only grew closer. For the next three years we were nearly inseparable; everything she said or did was new to me, because I was seeing them for the first time as the guy she loved , not just her best friend. And for some reason I didn’t understand but also wouldn’t question, she never tired of my company, my voice, or my body. She and I became us , and remained us even when we weren’t together. There was nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.
She did lose some friends over being with me, but she honestly didn’t care. “You know what it is? We’re all skidding down the off-ramp toward thirty, and here I am with this hot young stud. They’re stuck with guys their own age who aren’t as energetic as they used to be, and they see the way my cheeks are always flushed and my eyes have this constant, satiated gleam .”
“So they’re jealous that you have a boy-toy, is that it?”
“‘ Boy-toy ’? That’s a new one. Where’d you hear it?”
“Some actress on The Tonight Show with Johnny
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