That was gut enough for him. Rogge had suggested Ben keep his lifestyle like it was to avoid suspicion, so he had. Now it was time to end this arrangement between Rogge and him. Heâd made enough moneyâmuch more than he could have made in years of working for a construction company. Something conscience also screamed against.
He told himself again, as he had so often before, that all heâd been doing was picking up a large package here on a regular basis, opening it, and then distributing the smaller packages inside to the people on a list that Rogge gave him. It wasnât that big a deal, and yet Ben knew it was. He dropped off the small packages mostly at parties, but occasionally he delivered to someoneâs home. Ben knew lives were being affected, and he couldnât ignore the knowledge any longer.
Rogge was only concerned with getting caught, and that hadnât happened. He had the brains for this kind of business. Heâd assured Ben that if he did as he was told, he would make a lot of money and not get into trouble. And Ben had listened so far. Obedience was a trait bred deep in all Amish, and for Ben it was still there even as he went about rumspringa . Besides the obedience factor, following orders was a small price to pay for such easy money.
Ben leaned out of the buggy door to peer down the street. Where was Rogge? He was late again. They never spoke via cell phones even though Ben kept one under the buggy seat. It was for emergencies, though Ben wasnât sure what that kind of emergency might be. He liked having the cell phone because it gave him the feeling of being a real businessman. The only people he could call were his friends on rumspringa though.
Heâd known from the start that the stuff he dropped off couldnât be doing anyone any gut . He certainly stayed far away from the contents himself, although he had opened one of thepackages to see what the stuff looked like. From what he observed in Roggeâs clients, the substance sent most young people that used it off into some sort of la-la land. But still they used itâand they would probably use it whether he was involved or not. That had always sufficed as an excuse for his participation. Until lately, that is. An empty feeling had crept into his heart, and that, coupled with the guilt, was overwhelming. Something had to change. Heâd lost his faith over this mess he was in. Or perhaps heâd fallen into this mess because he couldnât get his faith straight. He wasnât sure which was right, but one sounded about as bad as the other.
Rogge, though, never seemed to worry about such scruples. And in his presence, Ben had never dared voice his doubts or concerns. But now the time had come for a change. He planned to tell Rogge tonight that he was quitting, and this delivery would be his last. Heâd made the decision the other evening at the Mennonite gathering. Noticing Katie Raber these past weeks had done something to him. When he tried to remember Katie from the many years heâd known of her, she was just a distant haze in his mind. Heâd never paid much attention to her beyond knowing she was the daughter of the weird widow Emma Raber. He did know enough to remember that Katie had always been quietâ¦reservedâ¦withdrawn. Sheâd been like a silent shadow that hung around the edges of the Amish youth.
What had happened to change the girl so completely? Ben wondered. He hadnât believed his eyes at Jesseâs wedding when heâd realized who she was. This was Emma Raberâs daughter, the odd girl heâd seen aroundâonly it wasnât. And, if he wasnât mistaken, she had quite a crush on him. Heâd seen it in her eyes. It was a pleasant thought too. Not that he paid that much attention to the fawning of girls. Thereâd been many of them over the years. But Katie was different. There was a freshness about her, an innocence and vibrancy. He
He told himself again, as he had so often before, that all heâd been doing was picking up a large package here on a regular basis, opening it, and then distributing the smaller packages inside to the people on a list that Rogge gave him. It wasnât that big a deal, and yet Ben knew it was. He dropped off the small packages mostly at parties, but occasionally he delivered to someoneâs home. Ben knew lives were being affected, and he couldnât ignore the knowledge any longer.
Rogge was only concerned with getting caught, and that hadnât happened. He had the brains for this kind of business. Heâd assured Ben that if he did as he was told, he would make a lot of money and not get into trouble. And Ben had listened so far. Obedience was a trait bred deep in all Amish, and for Ben it was still there even as he went about rumspringa . Besides the obedience factor, following orders was a small price to pay for such easy money.
Ben leaned out of the buggy door to peer down the street. Where was Rogge? He was late again. They never spoke via cell phones even though Ben kept one under the buggy seat. It was for emergencies, though Ben wasnât sure what that kind of emergency might be. He liked having the cell phone because it gave him the feeling of being a real businessman. The only people he could call were his friends on rumspringa though.
Heâd known from the start that the stuff he dropped off couldnât be doing anyone any gut . He certainly stayed far away from the contents himself, although he had opened one of thepackages to see what the stuff looked like. From what he observed in Roggeâs clients, the substance sent most young people that used it off into some sort of la-la land. But still they used itâand they would probably use it whether he was involved or not. That had always sufficed as an excuse for his participation. Until lately, that is. An empty feeling had crept into his heart, and that, coupled with the guilt, was overwhelming. Something had to change. Heâd lost his faith over this mess he was in. Or perhaps heâd fallen into this mess because he couldnât get his faith straight. He wasnât sure which was right, but one sounded about as bad as the other.
Rogge, though, never seemed to worry about such scruples. And in his presence, Ben had never dared voice his doubts or concerns. But now the time had come for a change. He planned to tell Rogge tonight that he was quitting, and this delivery would be his last. Heâd made the decision the other evening at the Mennonite gathering. Noticing Katie Raber these past weeks had done something to him. When he tried to remember Katie from the many years heâd known of her, she was just a distant haze in his mind. Heâd never paid much attention to her beyond knowing she was the daughter of the weird widow Emma Raber. He did know enough to remember that Katie had always been quietâ¦reservedâ¦withdrawn. Sheâd been like a silent shadow that hung around the edges of the Amish youth.
What had happened to change the girl so completely? Ben wondered. He hadnât believed his eyes at Jesseâs wedding when heâd realized who she was. This was Emma Raberâs daughter, the odd girl heâd seen aroundâonly it wasnât. And, if he wasnât mistaken, she had quite a crush on him. Heâd seen it in her eyes. It was a pleasant thought too. Not that he paid that much attention to the fawning of girls. Thereâd been many of them over the years. But Katie was different. There was a freshness about her, an innocence and vibrancy. He
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