drinking had indeed marred his features, but his face wasn’t extinguished. It was possible to illuminate it with a single word. After work we used to sit for hours. Sammy burrowed into his body, and it was hard to get a word out of him. Only after two drinks did his face open, and he used to talk, even tell things.
As the days flowed on, quiet and laden, Sammy worked until five, and I was free by two. August was clear, unspotted. A kind of restlessness gripped me; trembling and severe nausea. First it seemed to me that it was a bad cold. But quickly it became clear to me I was pregnant. My heart told me that Sammy wouldn’t greet this news gladly. I didn’t realize then how deeply he would be wounded. In any event, I hid the news from him. I used to work until two, and afterward I went back home and prepared a hot meal. Upon Sammy’s return in the evening everything was laid out. His mood got better in those days. The sickly blush, the flushed face of drunkards, was erased, and his forehead was bright.
While I was still holding myself in, hiding my pregnancy from Sammy, I met my cousin Katya in the street. She recognized me from far off and hurried toward me. For more than ten years I hadn’t seen her, but she hadn’t changed. The sweet wonderment of a village girl captivated by everything that crossed her path floated on her face. Iheld her in my arms, and immediately felt that the whole village was planted in her soft limbs.
In the village, apparently, they hadn’t forgotten me. From a distance they were following my doings, and rumors, of course, weren’t lacking. One of the village men had seen me with Sammy, and right away everybody knew that Katerina had taken up with a Jew.
“I would even have recognized you at night.”
“I would have recognized you too, Katya.”
She had married about ten years ago, and now she had two sons and a daughter, a flourishing farm, and a woodlot at the edge of the village. I had heard those facts, in the past, from Maria, and now Katya came and confirmed them. Her hearty face, her full body, and her good smile hadn’t been marred over the years, an unstained freshness. I had always liked her, and now I realized how much I had liked her.
Some creatures are born under the sign of peace, peace with themselves and their parents and the place where they grew up. Katya was like that. I stood at her side, and my tongue clung to the roof of my mouth. In the end the dam burst, and I wept. Katya hugged me to her bosom and said, “Nothing’s the matter. We love you the way we’ve always loved you.” Those kind words just made me cry harder.
Later we sat in a tavern and looked at each other. Katya said, “Why don’t you return home? The house is standing in its place. The land has been neglected, but it can be brought to life easily.”
“I can’t, now, my dear, but someday I’ll go back.”
Katya didn’t ask any more questions. I escorted her to the railroad station and helped her carry her bundles. Shehad bought clothes for everyone. The bundles were heavy, and I strove with all my power not to lag behind her. That effort calmed my emotion.
“May God preserve you, Katerina.”
“You too, Katya.”
Thus we parted. I could have climbed onto the tram and taken it home, but for some reason I preferred to walk. The climb reminded me of Katya’s kind face, and I clung to it for a moment as to an icon. It was hard for me to fall asleep that night. I saw the village and the meadows. Not for an instant did I forget that my parents hadn’t loved me, that my aunts were harsh and wicked, but nevertheless I was stirred by longings for a plot of earth.
13
M Y SECRET NOW DIVIDED US . Sometimes Sammy would turn to me, saying, “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing.”
We got up on time in the morning and went out to work. Usually, we would meet in the canteen at ten o’clock and drink a cup of coffee. That hour, despite the crowd, was an agreeable one for us. We
As the days flowed on, quiet and laden, Sammy worked until five, and I was free by two. August was clear, unspotted. A kind of restlessness gripped me; trembling and severe nausea. First it seemed to me that it was a bad cold. But quickly it became clear to me I was pregnant. My heart told me that Sammy wouldn’t greet this news gladly. I didn’t realize then how deeply he would be wounded. In any event, I hid the news from him. I used to work until two, and afterward I went back home and prepared a hot meal. Upon Sammy’s return in the evening everything was laid out. His mood got better in those days. The sickly blush, the flushed face of drunkards, was erased, and his forehead was bright.
While I was still holding myself in, hiding my pregnancy from Sammy, I met my cousin Katya in the street. She recognized me from far off and hurried toward me. For more than ten years I hadn’t seen her, but she hadn’t changed. The sweet wonderment of a village girl captivated by everything that crossed her path floated on her face. Iheld her in my arms, and immediately felt that the whole village was planted in her soft limbs.
In the village, apparently, they hadn’t forgotten me. From a distance they were following my doings, and rumors, of course, weren’t lacking. One of the village men had seen me with Sammy, and right away everybody knew that Katerina had taken up with a Jew.
“I would even have recognized you at night.”
“I would have recognized you too, Katya.”
She had married about ten years ago, and now she had two sons and a daughter, a flourishing farm, and a woodlot at the edge of the village. I had heard those facts, in the past, from Maria, and now Katya came and confirmed them. Her hearty face, her full body, and her good smile hadn’t been marred over the years, an unstained freshness. I had always liked her, and now I realized how much I had liked her.
Some creatures are born under the sign of peace, peace with themselves and their parents and the place where they grew up. Katya was like that. I stood at her side, and my tongue clung to the roof of my mouth. In the end the dam burst, and I wept. Katya hugged me to her bosom and said, “Nothing’s the matter. We love you the way we’ve always loved you.” Those kind words just made me cry harder.
Later we sat in a tavern and looked at each other. Katya said, “Why don’t you return home? The house is standing in its place. The land has been neglected, but it can be brought to life easily.”
“I can’t, now, my dear, but someday I’ll go back.”
Katya didn’t ask any more questions. I escorted her to the railroad station and helped her carry her bundles. Shehad bought clothes for everyone. The bundles were heavy, and I strove with all my power not to lag behind her. That effort calmed my emotion.
“May God preserve you, Katerina.”
“You too, Katya.”
Thus we parted. I could have climbed onto the tram and taken it home, but for some reason I preferred to walk. The climb reminded me of Katya’s kind face, and I clung to it for a moment as to an icon. It was hard for me to fall asleep that night. I saw the village and the meadows. Not for an instant did I forget that my parents hadn’t loved me, that my aunts were harsh and wicked, but nevertheless I was stirred by longings for a plot of earth.
13
M Y SECRET NOW DIVIDED US . Sometimes Sammy would turn to me, saying, “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing.”
We got up on time in the morning and went out to work. Usually, we would meet in the canteen at ten o’clock and drink a cup of coffee. That hour, despite the crowd, was an agreeable one for us. We
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