he’s done—”
“I know.”
“Right,” I said, figuring that I could stand there all day and talk, and he’d never muster up more than a simple I know . “I guess we’ll just hit the road then.”
He nodded again.
I waited to move; a few long seconds went by, but I let them pass. I thought he might say something else, anything. I hoped to hear that he’d accepted my apology, that he’d love to get together and see the new house or something. But he just stood there, unfazed by everything I’d just said.
“Okay then.” I walked away and tears stung my dry eyes the moment I put Charlie behind me. Luke met me in the foyer and pulled me into his arms. I stood beneath his hold for a few long minutes, and after I’d cried a wet spot into his shirt, he pulled back and lowered his face to mine.
“Why don’t you wait outside for a few minutes,” he said quietly. He looked behind my shoulder at the kitchen doorway, and then his gaze fell back to me. “Let me try to talk to him.”
I knew that wasn’t a good idea. Luke and Charlie hadn’t had a successful conversation in months, and I didn’t know what made Luke think anything might’ve changed in the matter of a couple days. Still, if he really thought he could get through to my uncle, I wasn’t about to stand in his way.
I needed him to crack Charlie’s shell .
Luke reached up and wiped my mascaraed tears away with his thumb. “I’ll be right out,” he pressed a kiss to my forehead.
He headed for the kitchen, and I didn’t even look to see how Matt had reacted. I just went outside—I did as Luke had asked me to. If there was any chance (and I think we all knew that there was) that they were going to start yelling at one another, the last place I wanted to be was front and center. I didn’t want to hear that.
I just wanted it to stop.
I wanted them to get along.
So I waited on the porch for five minutes.
Then ten.
And then fifteen.
When Luke still hadn’t come outside, I decided to take a walk around the block to clear my head. I reached the end of the block and I didn’t turn around. I just kept walking. And then I walked a little farther. I don’t know how long I walked, I honestly lost track of the time. But before I knew it, I was crossing the Oakland border… still walking.
I tried telling myself that I didn’t know why I’d walked so far. I tried to pretend I had no idea where I was going, or why I’d chosen to leave Oakland behind me—if even for a few minutes.
I just kept moving away from our small town, winding down the back roads of thick trees, lush forest greenery, and wildlife. I walked for another fifteen minutes before I turned off the road and into a gravel driveway. The forest opened up into the small cemetery, and I walked to the very back edge of the property where we’d buried my parents.
Back by the giant oak tree and just in front of the fence at the far end, my parents’ grave rested, shaded and decorated by the natural colors of the fallen leaves.
I’d been there a lot over the last year, and I’d managed to come each time without shedding a tear. I’d always found something to talk about: Matt, Charlie, Luke, Derek, school, work, the everyday things. And by keeping my mind focused on what I had as opposed to what I’d lost , most of my trips to the cemetery were successful ones.
But I knew today would be different.
Today I just needed to cry.
I nestled myself into the familiar spot in front of their headstone, and I let my body fall forward until my head rested on the smooth granite.
“Charlie hates me.” The words barely had time to fall off my lips before tears rushed to the rims of my eyes. “I don’t know what else to do, guys. I tried to apologize.”
A gentle breeze tossed my hair, and I closed my eyes to savor the moment. Call me crazy, but I always felt like they could hear me. I always sensed that they were close by. And then I thought, well, maybe that cool rush of wind wasn’t
“I know.”
“Right,” I said, figuring that I could stand there all day and talk, and he’d never muster up more than a simple I know . “I guess we’ll just hit the road then.”
He nodded again.
I waited to move; a few long seconds went by, but I let them pass. I thought he might say something else, anything. I hoped to hear that he’d accepted my apology, that he’d love to get together and see the new house or something. But he just stood there, unfazed by everything I’d just said.
“Okay then.” I walked away and tears stung my dry eyes the moment I put Charlie behind me. Luke met me in the foyer and pulled me into his arms. I stood beneath his hold for a few long minutes, and after I’d cried a wet spot into his shirt, he pulled back and lowered his face to mine.
“Why don’t you wait outside for a few minutes,” he said quietly. He looked behind my shoulder at the kitchen doorway, and then his gaze fell back to me. “Let me try to talk to him.”
I knew that wasn’t a good idea. Luke and Charlie hadn’t had a successful conversation in months, and I didn’t know what made Luke think anything might’ve changed in the matter of a couple days. Still, if he really thought he could get through to my uncle, I wasn’t about to stand in his way.
I needed him to crack Charlie’s shell .
Luke reached up and wiped my mascaraed tears away with his thumb. “I’ll be right out,” he pressed a kiss to my forehead.
He headed for the kitchen, and I didn’t even look to see how Matt had reacted. I just went outside—I did as Luke had asked me to. If there was any chance (and I think we all knew that there was) that they were going to start yelling at one another, the last place I wanted to be was front and center. I didn’t want to hear that.
I just wanted it to stop.
I wanted them to get along.
So I waited on the porch for five minutes.
Then ten.
And then fifteen.
When Luke still hadn’t come outside, I decided to take a walk around the block to clear my head. I reached the end of the block and I didn’t turn around. I just kept walking. And then I walked a little farther. I don’t know how long I walked, I honestly lost track of the time. But before I knew it, I was crossing the Oakland border… still walking.
I tried telling myself that I didn’t know why I’d walked so far. I tried to pretend I had no idea where I was going, or why I’d chosen to leave Oakland behind me—if even for a few minutes.
I just kept moving away from our small town, winding down the back roads of thick trees, lush forest greenery, and wildlife. I walked for another fifteen minutes before I turned off the road and into a gravel driveway. The forest opened up into the small cemetery, and I walked to the very back edge of the property where we’d buried my parents.
Back by the giant oak tree and just in front of the fence at the far end, my parents’ grave rested, shaded and decorated by the natural colors of the fallen leaves.
I’d been there a lot over the last year, and I’d managed to come each time without shedding a tear. I’d always found something to talk about: Matt, Charlie, Luke, Derek, school, work, the everyday things. And by keeping my mind focused on what I had as opposed to what I’d lost , most of my trips to the cemetery were successful ones.
But I knew today would be different.
Today I just needed to cry.
I nestled myself into the familiar spot in front of their headstone, and I let my body fall forward until my head rested on the smooth granite.
“Charlie hates me.” The words barely had time to fall off my lips before tears rushed to the rims of my eyes. “I don’t know what else to do, guys. I tried to apologize.”
A gentle breeze tossed my hair, and I closed my eyes to savor the moment. Call me crazy, but I always felt like they could hear me. I always sensed that they were close by. And then I thought, well, maybe that cool rush of wind wasn’t