whatsoever.
And I tried my best to avoid saying anything negative about him.
That’s not to say I didn’t think it, but Evan didn’t pick his parents. He didn’t ask to be in this situation, and it wouldn’t be fair to influence his thoughts about his dad.
In time, I hoped Evan would learn who his dad was without me having to say anything about him. In a way, his dad’s actions spoke more loudly than I ever could.
“Mom,” Evan said suddenly. “Is my dad a toad snot like your dad?”
I choked on a laugh. “Who told you my dad is a toad snot?”
“Grammy.”
I bit back a smile. “Of course your grandma would say that. Well…” I paused a moment to collect my thoughts. “With my dad, he valued different things in life.”
I didn’t tell Evan what those things were. They certainly weren’t loyalty and honesty. Eventually, though, he’d figure it out.
Someday, when he was older and capable of asking more complex questions, he’d be capable of accepting more complex answers.
But for now, that’s all I gave Evan and it seemed to be enough for him.
A sudden shriek pealed into laughter, the sound carried sharply on the wind.
Both Evan and I glanced toward the source of the laughter and saw a little girl with what looked to be her parents. Her mom and dad were each holding one of her arms and doing the ‘1-2-3- swing !’ game, and she was shrieking with laughter every time they swung her into the air.
As a single mom, that was something I didn’t ever get to do with Evan, and it just melted my heart.
In the next moment, Evan surprised me by saying, “Mom, I want you to have a boyfriend so I can have a new and better dad. Hank’s mommy got a boyfriend last year, and now Hank’s got a new dad.”
I drew in a deep breath. “It’s not that simple.”
“What about that guy at your work? I heard Grammy mention some guy named Julius.”
“Julian?” I said vaguely. “Yeah, he’s some guy I know from work.”
“Do you like him?”
“Hmm.” I paused and considered this a moment, when my thoughts were interrupted by a yellow butterfly flitting about the shrubs. It met up with another and they became a team, flying in tandem. “He… um… he gives me butterflies in my stomach.”
Evan tilted his head, his eyes narrowed in thought. “So does that mean you like him?”
“I think so…” My voice trailed off.
“Then ask him to be your boyfriend.”
My heart strangely quieted and I smiled a little sadly to myself. “Like I said, it’s not that simple. I… um… I was a little mean to him today.”
“Just a little?”
“Well…” I wrinkled my nose at that. “Maybe more than a little.”
He blinked at me in confusion. “Why?”
Why indeed? The more I’d thought about it, the more I think I used my anger as a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with my real feelings.
And knowing how he felt about me, how it might affect him, it was wrong of me. Cruel, even. I’d flung an extreme accusation at him, not because it was true, but because I was afraid.
Afraid of what would happen if I got too close.
Don’t let that mask you’re wearing become your face , he’d said.
A tight knot formed in my chest. I’d always hidden my fears from others with sharp talk and bold gestures, and it unnerved me that Julian knew me so well.
But to Evan, I simply shrugged. “I don’t know, E. Maybe I was trying to cover up the fact that I like him,” I said, trying hard not to laugh because it just sounded so middle school.
“Well…” Evan looked at me long and hard. “Be nice to him, then. Don’t be a bully, Mom.”
“All right.” I smiled. “I’ll try to be nice.” To change the subject, I said, “Now what was that other thing you wanted for being such a trooper today?”
“Froyo! Yolo!” Evan let out a loud whoop.
I took his hand and we pushed to our feet. “Froyo it is!” I exclaimed.
Our linked hands swung between us as we strolled down the graveled path. “Mom,”
And I tried my best to avoid saying anything negative about him.
That’s not to say I didn’t think it, but Evan didn’t pick his parents. He didn’t ask to be in this situation, and it wouldn’t be fair to influence his thoughts about his dad.
In time, I hoped Evan would learn who his dad was without me having to say anything about him. In a way, his dad’s actions spoke more loudly than I ever could.
“Mom,” Evan said suddenly. “Is my dad a toad snot like your dad?”
I choked on a laugh. “Who told you my dad is a toad snot?”
“Grammy.”
I bit back a smile. “Of course your grandma would say that. Well…” I paused a moment to collect my thoughts. “With my dad, he valued different things in life.”
I didn’t tell Evan what those things were. They certainly weren’t loyalty and honesty. Eventually, though, he’d figure it out.
Someday, when he was older and capable of asking more complex questions, he’d be capable of accepting more complex answers.
But for now, that’s all I gave Evan and it seemed to be enough for him.
A sudden shriek pealed into laughter, the sound carried sharply on the wind.
Both Evan and I glanced toward the source of the laughter and saw a little girl with what looked to be her parents. Her mom and dad were each holding one of her arms and doing the ‘1-2-3- swing !’ game, and she was shrieking with laughter every time they swung her into the air.
As a single mom, that was something I didn’t ever get to do with Evan, and it just melted my heart.
In the next moment, Evan surprised me by saying, “Mom, I want you to have a boyfriend so I can have a new and better dad. Hank’s mommy got a boyfriend last year, and now Hank’s got a new dad.”
I drew in a deep breath. “It’s not that simple.”
“What about that guy at your work? I heard Grammy mention some guy named Julius.”
“Julian?” I said vaguely. “Yeah, he’s some guy I know from work.”
“Do you like him?”
“Hmm.” I paused and considered this a moment, when my thoughts were interrupted by a yellow butterfly flitting about the shrubs. It met up with another and they became a team, flying in tandem. “He… um… he gives me butterflies in my stomach.”
Evan tilted his head, his eyes narrowed in thought. “So does that mean you like him?”
“I think so…” My voice trailed off.
“Then ask him to be your boyfriend.”
My heart strangely quieted and I smiled a little sadly to myself. “Like I said, it’s not that simple. I… um… I was a little mean to him today.”
“Just a little?”
“Well…” I wrinkled my nose at that. “Maybe more than a little.”
He blinked at me in confusion. “Why?”
Why indeed? The more I’d thought about it, the more I think I used my anger as a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with my real feelings.
And knowing how he felt about me, how it might affect him, it was wrong of me. Cruel, even. I’d flung an extreme accusation at him, not because it was true, but because I was afraid.
Afraid of what would happen if I got too close.
Don’t let that mask you’re wearing become your face , he’d said.
A tight knot formed in my chest. I’d always hidden my fears from others with sharp talk and bold gestures, and it unnerved me that Julian knew me so well.
But to Evan, I simply shrugged. “I don’t know, E. Maybe I was trying to cover up the fact that I like him,” I said, trying hard not to laugh because it just sounded so middle school.
“Well…” Evan looked at me long and hard. “Be nice to him, then. Don’t be a bully, Mom.”
“All right.” I smiled. “I’ll try to be nice.” To change the subject, I said, “Now what was that other thing you wanted for being such a trooper today?”
“Froyo! Yolo!” Evan let out a loud whoop.
I took his hand and we pushed to our feet. “Froyo it is!” I exclaimed.
Our linked hands swung between us as we strolled down the graveled path. “Mom,”
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